A dilemma over <span >Christmas</span> dinner ALREADY!!?
Yeah, I know it's only October, but my guess is that along with the Christmas decorations that have come out in the department stores, many people's fears about disappointing their relations and in-laws are also coming out about now!
In our case, we don't actually have families to go to
Now, getting to my problem: we have a group of friends who live literally down the street from us. They call us FAR more than we call them, and I think we are their only close friends, so they come across as quite needy. It often reaches the stage where I consider not answering the phone when it rings, or opening the door when someone buzzes, in case it's them.
Coming to Christmas dinner - it's October, and the one guy among these friends who is admittedly a great cook, has already said that he wants to make the dinner again this year. He did it last year, and it was really nice: couldn't fault it in any way. It's just...I don't know, it's kind of p***ing me off that he always seems to say 'I'm cooking dinner: come over!' or 'I want to cook Christmas dinner again!' and it should just happen 'magically' with everyone falling in line behind him.
He didn't even start with, 'So guys, any plans for Christmas this year?' He just ASSUMED we would be with them, because we have no family here - which is in a lot of ways a very nice thought - but it would've been nice to be at least asked to Christmas dinner, rather than virtually being TOLD to come. It's like I'm dealing with my Mum all over again! I left home to avoid all that obligation; now it's THIS guy who's commanding obedience!
I'm worried that if we say no to dinner, they'll come trailing up the street at some point during the day anyway, and bang on our door. Once inside, they will camp out here for HOURS, and we'll have to serve them cup of tea after cup of tea and beer after beer, especially if they had a Christmas Day bust-up among themselves and have come over to moan...I mean, how do you kick someone out of your house at Christmas?
Do you think it is unreasonable for a couple to want to spend Christmas Day or Christmas Eve alone, or at least some part of the holiday? We don't give presents among our group of friends, because some are not Christian and they don't observe all the traditions, so we won't be depriving them of the chance to open their gifts or see each other do so if we don't see them on CD.
The funny thing is that I probably would have been more open to this guy's dinner if he had asked us politely rather than saying 'I WANT to do it.' His very attitude is making me prickly and annoyed, which makes me want to fight back and stay away just to teach him a lesson.
So, should we go just to keep the peace, or should we stay away and risk them coming over anyway? Thanks for any advice - my frazzled nerves will greatly appreciate it!
Update:GJ Smitty1: I haven't had a free weekend for several months because these people keep coming round to ***** about each other every time they have a barney among themselves! It is RUDE to assume someone should spend a holiday with you before they've even asked you if you are free! It is becoming intrusive, not friendly.
Comments
You could say thanks for the "invite' but at this point we are thinking of just staying home for a change to enjoy each other for the holiday. This gives you time to think about what you actually want to do and change your mind. Or you could say you have made your menu already and you are cooking for just yourselves or you were going to invite all of them for dinner.
I've tried this but with family in the area it does not work for us. You do not sound like you enjoy your "friends' that much? You should be grateful they do ask but that is your choice and I respect that and they should too. I am a chef and like to do the cooking however if someone else invites us I go with no hesitations and enjoy it.
There comes a point in time when you have to have the courage to just say NO...you can simply say "Thank you for thinking of us but we've already made other plans."...."Other plans" could mean ANYthing...even lounging around your house in your pajamas all day...none of his business. And you are not obligated to answer your door and be interrupted either.
Turn off your phone or ignore his calls and spend Christmas this year the way you'd like to spend it...creating your own meal and saving your sanity. Maybe go to a movie that day or take a ride just to see the sights or go visit someone else.
Too bad that guy doesn't have everyone participate in preparing the meal...but then maybe he figures no one else wants to. Have you ever offered that Christmas takes place at your home? In any case, your choice is to go along with his plan.....or tell him you already have plans of your own (then MAKE them!). Sometimes you just gotta put some distance between people----(been there myself).
Stand up and get a spine. If you want a weekend alone, tell anyone that comes by or calls in the week preceding that you are not doing company this weekend, see you next week or so. The guy that wants to cook, does not need to ask you if wants to cook, you only need to decide if you want to go or not. He prolly did not say I am going to cook only if you 2 are coming over, he was stating his case and anyone listening is free to jump in or out. If you do not want to go, just opt out, do not cower and let them think you are coming and then back out, it is rude. You worry too much what others think, and you most assuredly think they think of you more than they do. People are ok with friends opting out from time to time, ot they are not friends at all.
only say NO! tell him you're having a quiet, romantic Christmas, only the two one in all you this 12 months. do not answer the door to everyone on the special occasion - you're entitled to have a quiet non violent rigidity loose Christmas, extraordinarily after the confusing 12 months we've all had. i pass to be doing this myself this 12 months because of the fact we've desperate we only desire a quiet, recharge our batteries, time on our very own. stable luck and ultimate desires.
just say you have your own plans to be alone all day, that you been planning it along time and that you dont want any interruptions, that your phone or door WILL NOT be answered for any reason. ill tell you, stand up for yourself life is too damn short to be unhappy at any time especially at christmas...please do this for yourself, take a fools advice here.. just tell em to leave you alone.
Whine, whine, whine. Stop whining a be thankful that someone wants to spend time with you.
just tell him