Is no sex a deal breaker?
My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year now. When we first met we lived on opposite sides of town and only saw each other on weekends, if not less. When we did see each other he couldn't keep his hands off of me. He moved in with me after about 4 months, and first the sex slowed down, then it came to a complete halt. He has completely lost his sex drive. He insists over and over that it isn't me, that he has no interest in sex at all, and isn't even turned on by hot celebrities, or his younger attractive classmates or anything right now. He is very embarrassed about it and hates talking about it. I know that it makes him feel inadequate, so I have been more than understanding with him. Everything else in our relationship is great, I couldn't ask for a better boyfriend. He is in school working toward a PhD, is incredibly intelligent and very good looking. He tells me that he plans on marrying me one day, and that he wants to have kids, even has a timeline for these events coinciding with the completion of his degree. However, it has now been 10 months since we've had sex. It has significantly effected my own self esteem, and has made our relationship awkward when it comes to birthdays, anniversaries, etc, times when sex is expected. I believe we could have a phenomenal future together, but I am terrified that he will never get over this and I will end up having wasted my time. He has told me that he has had a very high libido up until about 2 years ago, and that he has never had this problem before. So I am left wondering, should I bail, or should I stick with this man that I love and risk missing out on a fulfilling sex life and motherhood?
Comments
he might just have ED, also i know when my boyfriend is stressed he's not in the mood at all. working towards a phD is probably very stressful. But maybe talk to him about getting ed medication or something to help him get it up.
Well, it sounds like everything else in your relationship is wonderful. Whether no sex is a 'deal breaker' as you describe it, that has to be up to you. Still, if he's working toward a PhD then he is probably under one hell of a lot of stress right now. My advice would be to cut him a little slack, or better yet ask him if there is any way you can help him to deal with the work load he's under. That is my advice to you as the girl in the relationship.
Now, my advice to him.
I'm a guy, so I know that talking about not being able to perform could be really embarrassing to you, but it sounds like you might have a medical problem going on there. My advice would be to see a physician, and talk things over with them. The person who recommended ED meds might or might not be on the right track, you need to get checked out. It could also be something else going on there, potentially something serious, so please don't put it off any longer. You've got a great girl there, it would be nice if you were still around for her ten years from now. (as opposed to being a granite slab with some flowers next to it) I know it's not an easy thing to talk about, especially if the doc is another guy. But one thing being older does is give you perspective. I'm 47 and I"ve had to talk about some embarrassing stuff with docs before. If I can swallow my pride, you can too. Go. And good luck.
Bill
I dont think its a medical problem since the sex went from great to slowing down to stopping.
I think that in the beginning of a relationship naturally the sex is great if you're compatible and then it slows down as you become familiar with each other and the novelty wears off.
I think hes become comfortable with you and maybe you have developed more of a friendship than a bf, gf thing. This is common in relationships.
Hes not actually at the level of stress where hes studying for a PHD as you said he hasnt even got to degree level yet. I mean most jobs are as stressful as studying for a degree.
I do think myself that if I was living with a partner and working as i do currently I would only want sex at weekends since im so tired during the week.
But I have also been in a relationship with a guy where after about 6 months of sleeping together I got to the point where I wasnt getting anything from the sex but was with him out of friendship and company.
You need to nail down the problem, is it a case that the attraction has gone or is it a case that he has a low sex drive and is tired.
There are plenty of couples out there who dont have sex but stay together out of friendship and also do have children, as they can be planned. Its up to you whether or not sex is a high priority or not.
You should tell him how much you miss the closeness that sex brought, and ask him to see a dr. Simple blood tests (though relatively expensive) can check testosterone levels. If it's a physical problem, that should show it.
I hate to suggest this but, sadly, so many guys get so used to watching a different girl in porn all the time that having sex with one person just doesn't 'do it' for them. Hope that's not it.
Anyway, if he refuses to see a dr, and won't talk about it, then make an appointment with a counselor. If he won't go with you to talk about working on this problem, then go by yourself to talk about the best way to end this relationship.
i think of the two considered one of you're acceptable, I advise if there replaced into something occurring medically so a methods as why she could no longer have intercourse anymore that be something else. yet while she in simple terms up and stated i do no longer choose for to have intercourse anymore than i could say that is surely a deal breaker. intercourse is a stable element in all healthy relationships, the way i think of approximately it. adult men for some reason look to would desire to have intercourse in an extremely courting to sense enjoyed, women human beings would desire to sense enjoyed to compliment to have intercourse. yet definite i think of if 2 human beings extremely cared approximately one yet another and any of those components figured right into a courting ceased that would desire to be the top of the courting. i could no longer be in a courting if my spouse stopped chatting with me or listening to me, I easily do no longer think of the female would desire to the two.
he cant be that great if he was with you over a year and got hard ons from classmates which he could easily cheat on you with i mean celebrities are one thing people hes with everyday are anothter but it could be a number of thing
-stress
-medicine
-sickness
id have him go to the dr to discuss it with them