I am very depressed.I need serious advice?
first off,i will describe myself
i'm 15,boy,asian,senior high school,middle class
people regard me as an extremely attractive person,i'm the Brad Pitt/Tom Cruise of my school look-wise
but it does not mean i'm popular.almost every person i passed by says"he's so cute/handsome","don't strare at him too much","he's so hot" even a gay man stared at me like seeing a human being for the first time and said"HELLO!!!!!".almost everywhere i go,malls,buses,church, i would just notice people staring at me like i'm a celebrity.causing me so much shyness.
my mother got pregnant while she was still in college,so i never had a real family.as of now,i live with my mom,aunt,and grandma.
when i was a freshman,life was really happy,i have a lot of friends and high grades
when i was a sophomore,i fought with my bestfriend and decided to not talk to them anymore,so i joined the folks who were being bullied because i had no choice.i really hate being with them they don't treat me like a friend they tease me talk **** to me they are just using me for them to have food.but what i hate the most about them is that they are very embarassing,they yell,run,hurt and shout swear words at each other even to me when outside,just imagine having them as companions.i was really excited to reach 3rd year,not just because i want to graduate fast,but also to make other "true friends" i used to have a facebook account but guess what,when my birthday came,no one greeted me "happy birthday" that was a real blow,i was very sad.but when i was already in my 3rd year,the folks i thought was the ideal friends outcast me,they have a certain group of friends that they made during their sophomore year and it seems that they don't want to be friends with someone new,once they were going to their friends house,and i want to get to know them and be close to them,so i followed them but they yelled at me,"you don't belong with us!!!!don't follow!!!go home!!!"imagine how painful is that.as far as i remember this was the strat of the major depression period,envying schoolmates hanging out with friends,having healthy relationships,having lot of friends,when it was our christmas party,i didn't recieve an exchange gift because the one who has picked me was absent,I went home straight after that because i have no one to hang out with while seeing the others laughing and very happy,enjoying the company of each other.christmas,NO ONE gave me one single gift and only my mom,aunt,and grandma greeted me.my father used to give me presents but now,i havent seen him for 3 years,not a single time.january,we were practicing our dance routine for the JS prom and a classmate caught me looking at someone's boobs,from then on,all of my classmates and even my teacher refer to me as "the maniac",but i didn't do anyhting wrong.JS Prom finally came,i didn't ask anyone to dance,because i was afraid they will just reject me,the one who came home earliest was me,falling asleep very lonely because i havnt danced anybody and at the same time thinking how happy the others are.when i finished 3rd year,i prayed so hard ,like every night to be in the section,where i will find the friends i yearn for a long time.but guess what,i was put in the lowest section where all the bullies and all the people i hate are.so i had no choice but to tranfer to any section available,and here i am being in the same section with the "retarded friends"i despise the most.i am very depressed that i treid to commit suicide 5 times,and all obviously were unsuccessful,it seems that God nor Satan wants to accept me.they say
i want to end it all
i want to die but i still want to experience the things that might still come
i'm already questioning my faith whether God really exists,if yes then why does he let all those people who have sacrificed and endured a lot of things inclkuding their happiness for the welfare of others and why does he let all those sinners who don't repent for their sins experience all the pleasure in life. WHY?????????? WHY IS HE SO UNFAIR?????????
i feel so loveless,no one cares for me,i'm just **** wasting earth's resouces.
i've never had a girlfriend and desperately wants to
i have no friends i can trust and depend on
i just want to feel loved,taken care of and feel important and wanted
i just wanna have a girlfriend and friends that will stick with me till the end,till we grow up and die
They say
"high school life is the best/happiest part of my life,i want to repeat it again and again and i want it to never end"
but for me,
Maybe not.
Update:do you guys really think that things can get better in college???
by personal experience or by merely relying on what others said??
i feel like god isn't listening
i've been praying to him for 3 YEARS asking if he could make my situation better even just a little
but instead,it just got worse
Comments
feel free to contact me, i can be your friend
Hun, you have better to look forward to. When you get older, you can drive to new places and make new friends. You can surround yourself with other different people that accepts you for you. You can reinvent who you want to be and as long as you remain humble and kind, you will find people who needs friends as much as you do. High school is NOT the best time for everyone. It is the years of torture where everyone sides off with each other and kids play silly stereotype games. All you have to do is pass that part. Those ppl will be nobodys after high school so be patient.
I'm sorry to hear this man. It reminds me of when I was depressed bc i've been thru a lot of crap. What I did was go see a counselor that I could talk to. A shrink. Gave me some prescription pills and they really helped. maybe you should try this.. theres alot of people who love you dude. Your family and even God. it mite not seem like it but He does. I'm not really a christian I haven't been to church in alooong time. but I always heard the pastor say 'God works in mysterious ways' I too, have been thru a lot. and I too, have thought about suicide. It was crazy back then.. I felt like I had nobody. At least I thought I had nobody. But I realized that wasnt true...there were and still are alot iof ppl who care about me even one of my exes told me she cared about me bc I told her wat I was going thru and she told me there are so many ppl in my life tht love and care about me she said and I quote 'this mite sound kinda weird but i'm one of those ppl' hearing that from her made realize that no matter how hopeless it all seems, no matter how dark that tunnel is, you will always find a light. You just have to remember about the people who matter themost like your family, how hard it would be if you ever left them behind. Keep your head up, you will get thru this. Just don't give up on anything.
I hope this gave you some courage.
You mentioned you are 15. By reading your post, no, by browsing your post I can tell you enjoy talking, and at 15 alot of hormonal things can throw you off balance. So considering the age this is happening, its hard to take this as a serious situation. Find a hobby, and use your hobbies social network to get friends.
READ!! yo man, you and i, are in the same boat, or at least i was. freashman year i noticed how everyones always hanging out, every day i would hear someone "oh lets hang today after school!" "ok!" and i noticed i dont hang out with people for ****, no one invites me to stuff, and i never hang out with people, up until high school i never realized how socially unaccpeted i was. and the worst part is when im AT school everyones nice to me and treats me with respect and says hi to me or whatever, and half of em are just assholes pretending to be nice and half of em are genuine people, but either way when i left school i became a walking fuckn ghost. i eventually started playing with razors and now my arms look like chinese symbols, and occasionally i still pick it up but its a lot more dusty than bloody now and im glad that it is. now im going into sophomore year i still dont have anyone who i feel like is truly there for me as a friend and to this day even when im trying to make simple plans with close friends it never works out how it should, either they dont show up or somethin and it never works. i've sat on a mall bench by myself for two hours waiting for my friends to come and they never showed. right now all i feel like i have in my life is my girlfriend but what i am learning how to do is to not give a ****, and teaching myself not to blame myself for ****. i still cant figure it all out exactly and i still dont know whether its my fault or everyone else for never being there for me or what but either way i try to make the most of it while i can you know? and i know what its like to just want someone to be there for you.
so here, add me on facebook. my emails [email protected]. email me and i'll send you the link to my facebook, and i'll give you a long overdue happy birthday man.
one love and much respect young one, add me son haha
Pl. select a highly reliable and wise mentor of your own choice and, in future, strictly listen to his good words scrupulously.
Let the mentor be a cleverer person, elderly, mature, knowledgeable, experienced and kind to you. So please select the mentor from among your near and dear friends or relatives only.
I mean don't select a stranger as your mentor.
wow you remind me of myself attractive, gets alot of attention, no friends that i trust n if yu kant trust em ther not rele yur frndz so basically no frndz im 16 gonna be 17 in like 5 days but i swear if it wanst for god i would of probably killed myself a long time ago just have faith believe ask him for help n i promise he will answer your prayers in time i kno it sounds corny but from what ive been through abuse, mestreatment, lonliness, etc. .. god has alwayyss answered me n been there for me.. but all you need in life is yourself no one is gonna help you get further in life frndz just push yu back yeahh itz nice to have em n go out n partyy but get your education 1st n trust me college is gonna be greatt high school suckss *** 4 even popular kids trust me its all stress..but yeahh jus live life to the fullest for yourself f*ck everyone else
i think you should watch the movie to save a life. its sooo good and would seriously help you.
im shitting on your face right now!