Post Tramatic Stress Disorder?
I've been diagnosed with PTSD after serving in Iraq. It started out with almost uncontrollable rage that just woulnt go away and would flare up at a pins drop. I was like that 3/4 of the time I was there.
I got home and didnt feel right, like I am in the wrong place living in someone elses reality. The anger is still there, but now I am hypersensative to loud noices, voices, movements around me, and have alot of trouble speaking and putting thoughts into words. My nightmares are very violnent, thats why I sleep on the floor in my own room with nothing but a sleeping bag.
The military kicked me out soon after I got home. The VA gives me meds and doctors who dont understand. Most nihgts I'm so physically miserable I fantasize of slicing my skin off with a straight razor.
Mostly, I dont want to live or die, I just wished I could sleep in peace. Anyone have any sugjestions?
Comments
First I'd like to say thank you for standing up for our country right or wrong. I apologize that our country hasn't helped medically, emotionally nor psychologically. What you are feeling is going to continue for some time. It took some time for you to 'get this way', sorry to say. You will be ok, in time, really.
I'm sure that you've looked into some sort of counseling? Please continue doing so. Please do allow sometime for yourself to calm down and return to 'reality' back here. If this means to take each hour, part of a day or one day at a time... do so. You do need some quiet time...and time to get out in 'public' to places that bring you some calmness and are uplifting to you when you are ready.
I'm sure you don't want to hear this..but if it helps... my father was in a tank [3rd Armor Div.] in WWII in the Battle of the Bulge. I'm sure he had fears, tears and must have seen ugly things, also. He returned too, to find no work and still had a family to support. He had to continue for his family. I'm sure that he must've felt so different being back home...but at least he was home, like yourself.
I would love to 'talk' more, but I wouldn't want to take up too much space here. I do see that it is very hard for you to think and write. Symptoms... some which I am very familiar w/myself.
I know you are trying your best to cope! Try to remain calm when these situations occur... grab the chair-arms or your arm or whatever and just try to relax.... just for the moment.
My best to you and please remain strong; you will get through this! *hugs*
See PTSD treatments, at http://www.ezy-build.net.nz/~shaneris on page 33, and use the locators in section 1, and the phone book, state and national bodies, and VA, to find a therapist using EMDR.
my husband was and is the same way you are and without treatment you are not going to get better what you have to remember you are a hero and you are the reason why we are free he use to choke me in my sleep and scream to save the children he use to wake up in cold sweats gasping for air he takes seraquel for sleeping and it sounds like that is what you need is some good sleeping medicine...and find something to fill your time my husband has invested his time into body building find yourself a hobby and don't loose yourself think of how many would miss you if you left and the only ones you would be hurting is everyone that loves and cares about you
i just want to say tnx 4 sharing ur story. Also, to TY u 4 ur heroic acts. I have the same issue with my father - but he takes all that anger n hostility n directs it at me. Just ur awareness will help u get thro it. U know somethings wrong n ur seeking help. U r a hero all the way around.
Thank you
God Bless.=)
Mentally ill patients always looks oneself outside the other people categories.Do not be so worried,just living ant chatting with others normally.Normal diet, no much alcohol
absorption.Sleeping pills will help you.Anyway,see the Psychiatrist.
As an Iraq vet myself... get over it. I felt many of the same emotions you are feeling when I returned home, but you just have to let it go and force yourself to live a normal life. With a great deal of time you will eventually dwell on it less.
tempurpedic bed