Do I have a serious mental problem/condition?
I'm pretty nervous, and the only reason I'm on yahoo answers is to get some real advice from people who don't know me and can bring an unbiased opinion to the table.
I'm 14. I don't get along with my parents very well, but regardless of us fighting they are amazing people. My mom is generous and kind and my dad is hardworking and funny.
But I never seem to get along with them. And I feel like I am so different from them. I don't care about certain things. I don't care about family gatherings and I try not to freak out about things like cleaning and having a spotless house.
It seems like I get really angry whenever they tell me no. "No, you can't go to your friend's house." "No, you can't do this, no you can't do that." and so forth. I get really really really angry. Maybe it's because I like making my own decisions and I hate being told what to do.
I say really mean stuff to them, and I yell and always get grounded. Now I'm not going to lie, they are mean back. But it seems like they aren't mean unless I'm mean first.
Ahh, I don't know. Sometimes I'm so happy and I feel awesome. Other days I feel horrible and sad and have no energy. My mom threatened to take me to a teen psychologist one time. But I'm not crazy. I just feel like my parents don't get me.
My friends get me. I don't have friends who break the rules and smoke and do a lot of other bad stuff. They all have good relationships with their parents and they are really amazing people. I feel like they understand me, and my parents don't.
Today my mom said something to me like "You feel bad about yourself, and I don't blame you." And I guess she was trying to be 'supportive' but I thought she was being mean. I got really mad and I was rude and mean all day. And then I went to a party and I came home happy. And she says to me "We're done. I'm done with you. Don't talk to me, because we're done."
I am scared. I feel like I really screwed up our relationship. I always try to do better but somehow I always ****** it up. And I hate that about myself.
I am pushing my parents (especially mom) farther and farther away. Any tips on how to stop? Or do I have some kind of mental condition that I'm not seeing?
I'm a smart girl, so I can usually figure this stuff out. But I just can't seem to get it this time. And I'm scared. Help?
Comments
The first part of your answer is exactly what a psychotherapist would tell you. You are a normal 14-year old girl. You're at that very complex stage in your life when you are transitioning from adolescence into adulthood. I can't speak very intelligently about your menstruation, because I'm a guy, but there's no doubt that is playing into this as well. Your responsibility is to recognize that and try to work within this framework. The positive note in all this is that you do recognize that you're being obstinate and disrespectful. Now you need to recognize those feelings before you say or do something you regret. This is a very difficult time for your parents as well. Where once was a cute little girl who looked up to them or came running to them when she got hurt or sick, now they see an ungrateful, disrespectful, and most importantly, independent young lady. Don't be afraid to apologize for your behavior. More than likely they will apologize back. During those times when you really feel like you screwed up, clean the kitchen before they get home, and leave a little note thanking them for being so awesome. On a side note, if you're having serious mood swings, start experimenting with your diet and/or vitamins. Soft drinks and other sweets are evil in this department. You're a really great person for even recognizing you have a problem and need to work on it. Stay close to your parents and survive the next few years and you will have an awesome lifelong relationship with your parents.
It will get better. I think it is just teen behavior. I am 15 and have gone through this a year and a half ago. I felt like I was grown up and HATED my parents telling me what to do. I thought that they didn't get me at all and I was really mad at them alot. I had a horrible relationship with them for almost a year, and there would be a bad fight almost everyday, despite the fat that my parents are good people like your parents. However I have pretty much grown out of that phase. It really does get better, just go with the flow and things will change with time.
It might be really scary and hard, but the best thing you can do is just go up to your mom and say sorry in the most sincere way. It always works for me. As for the mental problem question, you may have Bipolar Disorder, in which case you can take medication such as Abilify, or, if it's really severe, Lithium. You may need to start going to a therapist, I always used to think that only really crazy people went to therapists and phsyciatrists, but I went to both, and it changed my life. I no longer have mood swings and am one hundred times more happy. I hope things get better with your mom!
I know how you feel too. i get very nervous and shaky a lot. I'm not that confident and insecure often ! i get great grades but i some times feel very pressured and inpatient. i love my mom but we disagree along a lot of the time. I have good days then i just drop and have a horrible day. My mom will say something and it can just ruin my day then she gets mad at me for not talking to her so then i am forced to pretend to be okay and speak with her-.- i have friends that i love but i feel like they don't understand my point and i feel way more mature than most of them in certain ways. I too have to have things clean ! When things are junky (even my desk at school) i get really irritated. my mom looks at me like im crazy when im cleaning.
**you just need sleep, and a very good friend. you also should talk to your mom or an adult you trust. i talk to my math teacher and it really helps calm me down ! :]
(sorry i don't have an answer)
I'll pray for ya. relationships are never easy.. I used to be not so nice to my dad when I was younger now I regreat it as he has parkinsons and dimentia and is basliy losing his marbels
my mom is still ok and we get along well. to build up your relationship with your parents do the fallowing..
1. Lisen to them.. Try to see life from their point of view.. not just yours (it will help) you wont lash out so much because you'll understand "WHY" their mad or "WHY" their frusterated.. thast the key.. "WHY".
people never care untill they know how much you care about them
Tip #1
2. have them lisen to you (let them see life from your viewpoint not just theirs) so when you flip out they know why and whats going on with you.. Communication is key here!
think of ilfe from a movie point of view.. watch their lives try to see whats going on.. then let them watch your life and see if they can find out whats going on with you..
they say knowledge is power for a reason.. i always saw the adds on tv in the 80's growing up now I know what their talking about. and i'll still pray for ya