My wife is disrespectful to my mom?
Before we got married my wife agreed to let my mom come live with us. Because the basement is too cold, my mom took the master bedroom and we took the basement. We were all fine with this. My wife has been wanting to finish the basement for the last two years because she thinks it will be more comfortable for us so I borrowed the money from my mom. When the contractor came to discuss how we wanted the basement finished my mom helped us decide on some of the design but my wife got angry and said she (mom) was interfering.
Since that incident, things have been tense. We don't have sex much anymore (my wife and I) and my wife barely talks to my mom. How can I make my wife be a little more understanding and tolerant without making things worse?
Comments
The basement remodel is for your wife and you - you two make the decisions. I can so relate because my MIL built our house. She had HER interior decorator bring in all the furniture, accessories, etc. I've never felt at home in the house. And "mommy" still wears the pants in my family. Now we're getting a divorce. Don't make the same mistakes he did - make her the #1 woman in your life. Let her design the basement. She's already had to give up her bedroom for your mom.
How about your mom's part in all this? Maybe your mom was interfering? Your wife did not want your mother's help. The way you make your wife more understanding is for you to understand that she wants to be in charge of her household but cannot. Take her for a weekend away from home. Be sure to find time for date night. She needs to do something with you without your mom in the next room. She needs space. Having your mom live with you isn't working out the way your wife thought it would and she really can't say that she doesn't like it.
If things stay tense then some family counseling may be in order.
It is you and your mother that need to be more understanding. Your house is yours and your wife's. Yes your wife accepted your mother moving it. She even accepted you mother taking the master bedroom. When you borrowed money for the renovations, that didn't put your mother in charge of the decisions. You and your wife should have made those decisions and your mother should have stayed out of it. Your mother has to learn that she is a guest in your and your wife's house and should learn her place. You should learn that the day you got married your wife became the most important woman in your life or at least she should have. When it comes done to it you are not support your wife by taking your mother's side in everything. Grow up and cut mommy's apron strings before you end up divorced and just living with mom.
There was no reason for your mother to have input on work being done to your home, specifically the room you and your wife share...
However, ultimately, the decision on what to do (re: the room) was up to you and your wife, so your mom's input needn't have be accepted...
Ultimately, it seems stupid to allow one person's input (that didn't have to be followed) to negatively affect your marriage or your sex life...
You and your wife need to sit down and talk about what the REAL issue is (it's not about mom having input on the basement finishing)...is she regretting that she agreed your mom could live there??? It can be really tough for a couple to have someone else (family or not) live in their home...
Not knowing how your mom is toward you and your wife, it's hard to comment on the situation...it can't be easy for either of those women though...
I think you need to find your mother a nice little apartment in her budget, close by. You cant have two women in a household like that. Your mother needs her own space and place. You and your wife need your own space too. It can last alittle while, but **** usually hits the fan down the road.
Please have a talk with your wife about the matter. perhaps shes still adjusting with your mother. I can relate with her feelings because i also experienced problem with my mother in law before, til now. She used to interfere with us in matters regarding children, finances etc....to the extent of brain washing my husband, she used to say several hurting words to me. the result..me and my husband quarreled and almost separated, Let you and your wife decide matters regarding your family. Let her decide the design of your room. you also need to talk with your mother, perhaps shes interfering not just in the design but on other aspect as well. Dont let in laws enterfere and spoil your marriage and let your wife feel shes important to you. Goodluck...