Am I turning into a sociopath or physco ect?
I'm 15 almost 16 and I just feel very strange. For starters, I have been cutting myself for years. I do it because its my way of releasing stress. I do it most of the time because I'm angry and I want to punish myself but lately along with my other feelings I've been doing it just because I like it. I like seeing the blood drip out, I don't understand the change. I've lost contact with a lot of friends and I havnt been in contact with even my best friend for quite a while now. But instead of feeling lonely I just feel like laughing. Sick and deranged laughing, bunch of worthless friends they are. I feel like hurting people. Watch their blood flow out just like mine only it's not mine isn't that funny? I havnt hurt anyone though, and any other living creature besides humans (except spiders I don't give a rats *** about spiders). And I'm wondering if anyone can shed some light? Please no doctor referrals and I've already ruled out talking to an adult or peer, it's just not an option.
Comments
Ugh. God alone knows everything. Please try to reconsider whether it is at all necessary to disguise like this or not. These are left to your own sweet-will and choice. From here nobody will compel you or force you. I mean nobody will misguide u or mislead you here.
I think you might be depressed,you're mixing between reality and this dark fantasy. I think you're so used to cutting yourself,that you don't feel pain anymore,and it became like a habit. But I seriously think you should stop before getting an infection,or something worse. I've been where you are now,and I think you should try releasing the stress and anger in things other than yourself and the people around you,maybe punch a bag or break a bottle or scream. Maybe you are starting to hallucinate,and it's your body's way of protecting you from the pain and suffering. Talk to someone.
please don't listen to the jerk Sai.
You are a very dysfunctional teenager. Basically your problems are quite fixable, you are handling things extremely poorly though.
Self-Harm is a 'distraction coping-mechanism' basically you create an in your mind containable-drama to avoid having to deal with what's really bothering you.
So if you're feeling brave, stop self-harming, and face your real problems, because that's where the desire comes from.
Your sentiments towards your friends, is simply because you feel self-righteous(like most teens), you feel they should've saved you/stopped you, and they didn't, so now like an angry-toddler you're doing the teen-equivalent of 'holding your breath until you pass out'.
So your fix is simple, figure out what your real problem is, and stop hiding behind the theatrics of self-harm, and self-righteous pity, and things will get better.