Serious Family Drama. Need to address my Mom...?
My 2 siblings (11, 13) and I live with our Mom. I love her to bits. She's a lesbian, like me, so no problem. But she's dating 2 women right now, at the same time. One is really nice, who she's been with for a long time. Then this other woman (or girl, because she's 21 and only 3 years older than me -_-) came into the picture. She steals from my Mom, she's rude, and so very immature. My Mom knows all this, she knows nobody likes her girlfriend. It's causing a lot of problems with the kids and between my Mom and I. I've explained calmly that I don't respect her decision...I've also been hysterical when calm doesn't work. I just don't know what to do now, the kids are acting out, and my Mother just doesn't seem to care. Which is so hard, because we were soo close before this. Now she just says "I'm the adult, and you're the kid...I make the decisions."
How can I talk to her, and make her understand that the family is falling apart?
Update:This "younger girlfriend" has been here, and hasn't left the house for 4 months. I know she doesn't feel the same way for my mom as my Mom does for her. My Mom falls in love too easily (we all have different Dads...get the picture?). She's an amazing person, but soo soo blind. No intuition. Would family councilling work?
Update 3:This "younger girlfriend" has been here, and hasn't left the house for 4 months. I know she doesn't feel the same way for my mom as my Mom does for her. My Mom falls in love too easily (we all have different Dads...get the picture?). She's an amazing person, but soo soo blind. No intuition. Would family councilling work?
Comments
This is hard, becuase some people have a hard time seeing what is right in front of them, maybe you just need to try to take control of the situation with your siblings, talk to them explaine to them that mom isnt "right" right now but she will come back. I had the same problem when I was younger. You are 18 you could make the decision to leave the house as well, if it comes to that. Good luck. I think though this might just be your mom trying to grasp on to her youth. Just try to calmy explaine to her that this girl is stealing, not just from her but her family, (what is hers is her familys). and thet she is upsetting the balance that you all have created for yourselves. This might take a few (numerous) discussions, but hopefully she will catch on..good luck.
Battle of the wills is not the way to go. Unfortunately when the outrageous attitudes have failed and reasoning with her have failed, the only thing left is to let it backfire into her face. Eventually, she will come around.
So, spend some more time with your siblings and put locks on your bedroom door so you don't get stuff stolen from you. My next concern at this point is "Is your Mom doing drugs or something?" Cause it isn't normal for an adult to do a 180 like that overnight unless there are drugs involved. I would have a heart to heart with Mom and simply ask if it is an issue with her or her new girlfriend. If it is, express that she should get some help because it can't be a part of the little ones life and that it sets a bad example. Yeah, she may be the adult. But maybe she needs to drop the princess act and start acting like one.
Good luck....
It sounds like your mom is setting a poor example for your younger siblings on how relationships should work. Ask her what she would do if you had a girlfriend who was rude, immature and stole from you.
I'd guess your mom is dating the younger woman just to feel younger. . . one of those mid-life crisis, rebellious kind of things. See if the other girlfriend can talk to your mom and explain the situation just as you've described it.
You need to move out.
You're an adult, but expecting that your opinion should be the dominant one is wrong. As bad as this woman is for your mother and your siblings, it's still her choice to make that bad decision. It's also her choice to suffer the consequences of that bad decision.
One consequence would be you moving out and on with your life.
When your siblings act out and your mother complains about their behaviour, remind her that is also a consequence of her bad decision. Do not help her, let her hit bottom and be there to help her to the surface when this relationship sinks.
Perhaps when the novelty of having a toy girl has worn off she'll make the right decision and stick with her old gf. Hopefully that woman will still be interested when that day comes.
Your mom is accomplishing out to you in the only way she is familiar with how... I come from an prolonged line of weirdo's myself and have come to the tip that i could have them in my existence devoid of all the drama.. I set my boundries up and dont budge in the event that they insist on pushing them I tell them I even have had sufficient and say so long for now.. I the two draw % up the telephone or say my goodbyes nicely and leave... You dont ahve to close them out completely however the alternative is yours.. forgivness is greater for your self than on your mom in case you additionally could make peace along with her it ought to be very healing .... I wish you the acceptable in notwithstanding you come to a determination
Unfortunately you are in a bad situation. She is not going to stop seeing her unless she wants to, you aren't going to change that are you.
So I would recommend that you work with your younger siblings to ignore her. As long as she isn't being abusive towards you, then there really isn't much to do.
Be it a lesson in tolerace. It is difficult to do but you will be better for it. You can be the adult and set the example if your mother and her girl friend won't be.
You can't tell her because she isn't willing to listen. It may take an outside source to get it through to her. How bout the girlfriend who has been in the picture much longer or a friend of the family?
why not try talking to her with a counselor in the room... someone to mediate might help. tell her you will be happy to set up an appointment and get everything set all on your own if she would like, but you have got to get all of these ideas and feelings across to her. good luck sweetie, i hope things improve soon.
tell her how you and your siblings feel about this lady
and also tell her isnt messed up that you are dating to people at at time ?? and how would you like it if someone did that to youu
~good luck~
does the other girlfriend know about the crazy one? can you talk to this other lady? see what she says to do.