Does his past matter? Or am I just paranoid?
My husband and I have been married for a year and a half. We met a few months after he and his first wife of three years divorced, and fell in love fast.
I love my hubby dearly; but i'm struggling. Before we got married, he'd been serious with, and slept with, quite a few other women. One of whom, he thought he'd fathered a child with (she turned out not to be pregnant) He is my first and only, and I guess I fear that he still has thoughts & feelings for some of the women he had before me. I always wonder how I measure up to his previous love interests and drive myself crazy fearing that i'm not good enough. The thought of him being intimate with others makes me miserable and often causes me to distance myself from him. Am I nuts? I know the past is the past but am I enough for him now? Or, after having so much experience, will he eventually get bored of being with just me? Help! I cry so much over this.
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NO you are not nuts! My husband has also had a "past" many girls when he was young then he married and was faithful. She cheated on him and so divorce after 15 yrs together. After that he had "friends". I too haven't had many men and was in a marriage for a long time faithful. I know my husbands past bothers me. I have had to get it under control because I started asking him if the girls he worked with were cute etc and it was bugging me. I have never been a jealous person but I was becoming one. So one day I told myself that I was causing damage to our marriage all over his past. I love him and trust him. I have no control over who he saw or what he did before I knew him and there is no reason to bring it into our marriage. At times he will tell a story and one of his ho's comes up but I have found ways to shut that down. First of all stop crying. If he didn't want to be with you then he wouldn't have married you. Has he given you any reason to make you think he wants anyone else? You were obviously special enough for him to fall in love with and marry. You will cause damage in your relationship if you can't let this go. You have to be strong and build your self esteem up. If you need to seek counseling then do so. This course that you are going on now is on a downward spiral and you need to be strong and fix this. You have fear and that is the root of your problem. Just keep telling yourself I'm not going to let this bother me. I won't think of it. Every time it pops into your head get rid of it.
Remember his past is his past. You are his future.
This really something you should have thought about before dating him, at the very least before marrying him.
My husband had a very lengthy and frequent sex life before we were together. I was a virgin and he's the only person we've been with. He had an ex girlfriend who thought she was pregnant. The difference between me and the list of women he's been with is, he's with me now.
My husband has never strayed and never given me a reason to believe he would be unfaithful. He past relationships were just that, in the past. We've been married for 4 years and he's never been with anyone that long, that's enough for me.
I'm not going to waste my happiness, however long it may be, with "what ifs." He loves me and he's with me. End.of.story.
Everyone has a past history. To what level of serious relationships people have will vary. The worst thing you can do is inquire about his ex-girlfriends. Why would you? Nothing good will come of it. He married you because he fell in love with you. Stop being so insecure and focus on the present and your future together.
Try to judge your husband carefully, that how much he loves you. he is just doing drama or acting to love you or he really loves you. If you both really loves each other than you both will feel the spark within you, when you both are very close to each other. If he really loves you than don't worry he will never ever leave you. Yes, i agree in past some person's use to have some feelings for someone, but it will not effect on your present and future. Even if he had in relationship with many women, if he really loves you than will not eventually get bored with you. The important think is "love".
It is normal to feel that way when people who you love and are intimate with have past experiences, but we all have a past. It's okay to be self conscious at times, but keep in mind that he wouldn't have married you or picked you if he didn't love you. He chose you and no one else. It is hard not to think about his past and it is even harder not to compare, but you just have to let it go. Plus, if this worries you so much then talk to him, dear. Everything will be fine, you are not nuts and you are more than enough for him. Keep your head up, honey and have a good day.
People who live in the past sabotage their potential future. You really need to redirect your thoughts and emotional energy into enjoying happiness in the present and building a beautiful future with the man you love.
The past is over. He can't change it, and would you really want him to anyway? The relationships and experiences he has had are all part of what makes him who he is today, the wonderful man you fell so deeply in love with. His past does not change how he feels about you. He loves you, married you, wants to build a future with YOU! Don't keep the past alive by constantly dwelling upon it and never mention it. Let his focus be you; that's what he wants, and it should be what you want too!
Has he ever given you a reason not to trust him? If not you need to get over these insecure feelings quickly. I can guarantee that if you start showing your feelings of insecurity toward him, he is going to find it disturbing and it could push him away.
Everyone has a past, and many guys have had multiple partners before settling down. It's nothing to be worried about. He chose you, and was happy enough with you to marry you. Be a confident, loving wife to him, and stop driving yourself crazy.
Sweetheart, don't be so hard on yourself. When he slept with the other women, he wasn't cheating on you because he hasn't met you yet. Now he is yours, he is committed to marrying you.
If he has put his past behind him and never talk about it (or the previous women), I think it is fair. However, if he seems to have a wandering eyes or behavior on women, then you should worry. Does he show any negative behavior such as flirtatious with other females during your marriage? If he doesn't, you should consider yourself lucky to have a man who loves you completely.
Actually its better he looked around before he met you. He decided you were the best and he chose you over other women. He also knows the misery of divorce and loves you so much he married you instead of making you wait forever. Don't ever ask about his previous relationships, which only bring you pain, just focus on your current marriage.
Well I think your going a little over board here but I feel the same way about my fiancée, For myself I cant even list to my gut anymore. mind you this isn't consuming my day but more than often it crosses my mind and I cant help but to stop and think about it. Past is the past fine I get it I have one too but when things happen and the excuse suck what does one do? I say just let nature take its course, I cant live thinking if she cheated or is cheating. I just know if caught she better start packing.