My stepdad is creepy..?
So, my mum and stepdad have been together for about 5 years and in that time he has never liked me! He really creeps me out. He will walk past a room im in and stare at me thinking i don't see. He just makes me really angry even thinking about him. He will also just ignore me, not speak to me ever. I have told my mum alot and she says she will speak to him but never does or he just ignors it. He is just wierd, a very strange peron. Also he will stomp around the house and when he see's me or i ask my mum something he will tut really loud and i just want to punch him in the face. On that subject, about a year ago my mates slept over and we all had a drink, so did my step dad, he just got back from the pub, and we were all messing around when all of a sudden he punched my mate and pined him to the wall! my mate who is a 16 year old boy, and my step dad is 43. Now he thinks it's all okay and he can ignore me, i should be the one ignoring him!, i just can't stand him any longer i really can't. There is also this other thing, my mums ex told the police that my step dad is a pedo and then i had to talk to police and stuff. But now that's all blown over. I just dont know what to do, any advice? I'm a 16 year old girl. Thankyou. ( sorry it's so long!)
Update:Thankyou all very much. To those who have said maybe tell my real dad, I can't do that. He died around 4 months ago.
Thankyou all for your help
Comments
Well this is a difficult one for a 16 year old to cope with.
You obviously feel uncomfortable with your step Dads past history, but from your description it seems he has not mended his ways.
However, there is the possibility you do not get the same attention from your Mum as you used to, and someone of your age needs that quite a lot in early teen years.
You are entitled to some privacy, and perhaps you should ask your Mum if you can fit a lock to your bedroom door, which will provide some security and privacy. Your Mum should understand your concerns as her partner is your step dad, rather than being your biological Dad.
For the time being, you should focus on getting privacy etc, and be a little patient. telling your biological Dad will only create animosity in the household.
One thing which may help is to sit down with just your Mum and tell her how you feel. Tell her you miss the mother/daughter relationship, and see if she will make a point of going out with you on say a weekly basis (just you and her) window shopping, having coffee, or whatever takes your fancy.
Try it, you having nothing to lose, but could gain an awful lot.
I am going through the samething and I am planning to tell my mom but let me tell you my story I was 7 when my mom and step dad met and I was taken away from my mom at the same age so I didn't grow up around my stepdad I saw my mom every other weekend and a couple of weeks during summer I am 25 now and over the summer I spent most of my time at my moms I was home alone with my stepdad at night because my mom worked nights at the time (which was normal until we start talking about me not being raised around him when he tells me " I don't see you as a step daughter or a daughter " creepy right ? and a little bit of time goes by and he starts telling me that my legs are pretty when I'm wearing shorts or asking me to change into shorts if I'm wearing jeans . one night while my mom was at work he started massaging my shoulders through my shirt and then rubbed my feet with lotion and when he was done he told me not to say anything or he would never do anything for me again . and all the while he is telling me I need to get myself on birth control .
You can still go to the police, no matter how long ago it was. He sounds like a very violent and dangerous man. Does your mum know about the claim made by his ex?
Taking his unpleasant character into account, it might not be such a good idea to just dismiss it... You are young and vulnerable - you could be in danger living there. Your mum should not brush this under the carpet. Your welfare should be her first priority.
You desperately need to talk to your mum in private. Tell her about your concerns, and urge her once more to go to the police. If she still refuses to take action, I would then make the decision, for my own protection, to move to environment where I felt if not happy, at least safe!
My question is whose house is it that live under?
Is it your mom's, his, or both?
If it is his or both of theirs, then so long as you live under his roof, then he will act as king and do what he likes. His rules.
In regards to the assault, hard to do anything with it.
Everyone was drinking or had drinks prior to the incident.
If police are called, hard to say if the police will believe a teenager guest over an adult.
Do not bring your friends over anymore.
Find a job after school, so you can spend time out of the house and away from him.
If your mother is in denial, very hard to do much since her insecure mind is set on not wanting to lose the guy that gives her the time of day even if there are millions of others that are better than him.
Sometimes having the worse kind is better than having no one in some people's minds.
He may seem creepy, but at least he hasn't really tried to do any sexual moves on you, has he? Only too often I hear of stepdads doing this to teen girls after awhile being married to the mother. Maybe he was being a bit protective too much when he pinned your friend against the wall and saw the messing around as being a bit much. And maybe he's not interacting closer with you because he doesn't want any real responsibility in raising you, leaving that department to your mom.
Sometimes parents can be in denial (especially if its someone they really care about).
Maybe your mum is in denialabout what you say about your stepdad becasue she really likes him.
Therefore you really have to sit your mum down and tell her whats happening! maybe when your SD is out, but you need to confront her about it becasue its making you unhappy. Give her an ulimatum.
You may even want to sit your SD down and tell him exactly what you think. Mean what you say but dont be rude. remaining calm in these awkward situations is often the key. he may respect you a bit more becasue you had the guts to actually tell him how you feel.
The thing is if you keep telling your mum when he annoys you she will eventually do something about it. But if you dont say, she will just think your being silly and its a one off thing..
Well, on one note I feel sorry for you, this guy sounds really cruel.
On another note, as for advise there isn't really much I can give having never been through this myself. Really I would just say that you should try and avoid him as much as possible ir maybe you could try talking to him yourself, face your feers about this guy and ask him why he does it, just make sure that you're not in the room alone incase he becomes angry, make sure your Mum is around to.
I hope this has helped a little bit. x
Call the police. Get him arrested for assaulting your mate and then he'll be out of your hair for a long time.
lt doesn't matter that the incident was a year ago...the Police will still follow it up.
l think it's about time your mum starting taking your concerns seriously...l hope you have a lock on your bedroom door?
your friend who he punched and pinned down.... did you not call the police?????
and i think you should probs think about moving out