Does a casual relationship turn into a serious one?
Hi everybody. I am gay-28 years old and I hang out a guy about 2 months. Before meeting we mentioned that we were not searching sex. When we first met, we had sex and he wanted us to see each other again. In these 2 months we saw each other about 13 times. We had sex also, but not every time. He was preparing his state exam. When he became a lawyer, we had a dinner the day after. It was interesting because he did not celebrate it with his best friends even if he had a chance to do it. After this meeting he said that it was very important me to not to be a pushy guy. Then he talked about that he had a serious job and about his responsibilities to his work. He also presented me his best friend in a dinner. We kept messaging and talking in msn everyday. After sixth date, he said that he needed a little bit casual thing, not more! and that it is implicit that I would want to see him every time and it would disturb him. I have never said that I wanted to see him everyday. He says that he doesn’t like that I become nervous when we cannot see each other or he cannot come in to my friend’s party etc. Then we were agreed about this casual thing and we ended the discussion.
We are messaging everyday, chatting on msn every evening since the day we met. We are making social things also except sex. But when we are together, we are like couples. I wanted to see how we move. In the same time, he keeps talking and trying to date with the other people. But I think we are not casual anymore. He sends me messages in an unexpected time by asking how I am. He shares his all privacy with me. He responds me by kissing from my lips since last 3 times when I go to his flat to have a dinner and finally last time he took my picture to put on the mirror in his bedroom. I cannot understand how much casual we are. Then yesterday I said that I could not understand what you meant saying that he needed a more casual thing. He said that It would be better to talk about it face-to-face.
Can anyone explain me what I can do??? Does his causality mean that “Ok, I like you too much, but let’s go slowly?
Comments
If he's shying away from a commitment, making dates with other guys, and telling you that he doesn't want to be serious, he just wants to have his cake and eat it too. It sounds like he enjoys your company and enjoys you in bed but wants to keep his options open in case someone else comes along. If he really cared about you he wouldn't keep saying that he just wants to stay casual. I'd stop seeing this guy if you have strong feelings for him and you want a commitment, it sounds like you are more involved in this than he is.
I think that he wants to be open, but also wants the comfort of a relationship. Having a picture of you up does show that he cares about and that he does miss you when he doesn't see you, but he also seems to want the freedom of being single. I suggest you treat it casual too. Just consider it as 2 guys who like to have fun with each other... at times!
I think thats EXACTLY it. What you finally said:
"Can anyone explain me what I can do??? Does his causality mean that “Ok, I like you too much, but let’s go slowly?"
Slowly. Thats my guess.
His machinations are annoying, no doubt.
But, its also clear you like him an awful lot...and to me, he does like you the very same.
Just a matter of how much you are willing to take of this.
I had a hard time understanding your English. Were you born here? (in US) If he is an American lawyer, he will need to have someone by his side who is educated. I am curious if you came from another country.
he might just want a casual relationship -- without any responsibilities.
Or he might want someone with a college degree who can handle being in the public. I hope I did not insult you.
yes, that's exactly what it means,,, he wants to go slowly...
this is my relationship to a T... exacTly!!! we have been together 9 years now!
my boyfriend was a dancer in the club that i bartend at... yeah,,, i wanted to go slow,,, the first 3+ years were pretty rough too,,, but we have both grown and matured together
I agree with the first person. Cut your losses and move on.