Respond or ignore to a nasty, vicious email from Mom?
My husband has essentially cut all ties with his parents, whom he hasent seen in almost 5 years. Yesterday, she sent him the most vicious and cruel email you can conjure up in your wildest imagination. (and no, I'm really not trying to be dramatic, I'm attempting to emphasis the seriousness of the email). Handwritten, it probably would have been about 3 pages. He hastily replied with a small paragraph essentially saying "I cant believe you said those things to me, I thought about addressing them but I'm too angry to even do it...lets just stop this back and forth stuff and not speak to each other." Now that the dust has settled and he has re-read their email to him, he's wondering if he should address some of the outrageous things mentioned. So here's my question -- is it better for my husband in the long run if he replies to the email and addresses the inconsistencies his Mom and Dad made? Or would it be better if he simply lets it go and moves on?
Comments
It's hard not to care what your parents think of you. A lot harder than a friend or a stranger. Anyone that would write an unwarranted antagonistic letter as you've described wants the conflict and the drama, badly. Addressing these things which were written in the letter would give the writer what they want. Do not give them what they want. Believe it or not, ignoring what was written is a strong rebuttal. It sends the message that you don't care enough about what was written to bother thinking about it let alone replying. You may not see a change overnight but if you are going to encourage a reply I suggest replying with a good-natured vague email consisting of harmless comments. No questions and no reaction to any of the things written in his mother's email. Do this consistently for a good time and if she responds at all, those responses will eventually change. She will realize she cannot get the reaction she craves.
It's his personal choice. Will all of the emotions he feels keep festering up inside if he chooses to ignore the e-mail? Maybe it will make him feel better knowing that he addressed the inconsistencies. If it were me, I'd probably reply, I wouldn't be able to just ignore it; however, I'm not in his shoes. I don't know how long this has been going on, what the disagreement is about, etc.
My mum did the same thing to me a few years back. I never replied to her last email as she really wanted to stick the knife in and instead have just kept it in my documents in case she ever tries to reconcile. She was blocked from sending me emails afterwards and then I changed my email addy too.
I never read it as I don't want to be reminded of the hurt, but I keep it for the possible day where she may want contact again, I will read the email and it will remind me that we will never get along and how much she has hurt me.
Sympathies for your husband, some people should just not become parents you know?
People like her want him to reply. That is why she has been so outrageous...she cant bear to be ignored and will do anything to get his attention. Just ignore her and be happy. Stewing on things and being upset only hurts you...she is beyond that and will always find a way to justify things. Your husbands best revenge is to ignore her completely and be happy. Although expect the next email to say she has cancer and only weeks to live or something. People like that love drama. Just let it go and live your lives...she isn't worth all the aggravation.
Let it go and move on. Any parent that would be that mean to their own child is distrubed and not mentally able to carry on a logical conversation. For this reason, nothing good will become of any further dialogue.
Seriously, parents that screwed up are not going to 'see the light'. Nothing he says will get through. A shame that his parents are absolute nuts, but best to face it for what it is, not try and 'fix' a helpless situation.
"You can't win an argument with a crazy man."
I think it would be better to just let go and move on because if he responds the e-mails will continue to go back and forth. If your husband does reply it will get his mom more upset and a new e-mail will be created. Well I'm sure you get were I'm going with this. Good luck! I hope you guys can move on.
I think the short and to the point reply he sent is better because it doesn't lend itself to a long drawn out argument about each of the points outlined in her initial letter. It's rarely about the issues and more about the attached emotions.
u have to first know who is wrong between you n them.then take a decision....and offcourse talking makes things better so just relax and have a chat and get things sellteled