How is this poem so far?
A short freeverse style poem (except it's in stanzas because I have real trouble writing a poem not in them for some reason lol). I know that it isn't my best poem ever, but anyways, it's kind of a partner poem to the one I posted last night.
***
as I walked along the dirt track
away from the city and away from
everything I knew
the sky darkened as if in anger
allowing teardrops of rain to fall
as if to attack me.
stars dance above as I walk
steadily in the darkness
utter silence surrounds me and
I know that there is no-one here
except me and the
insects hovering above the lake.
my reflection just visible in the
ripples of frigid water to my left
the pond almost alit by the
slowly dimming light of fireflies that
soon swirl around me in an
almost magical way.
when the sun reaches the horizon
the charm has drained away and I know that I have
to keep on walking now
completely alone on a narrow path
to where it leads I do not know yet
I continue on my journey.
I hope someday that I find
a place called freedom that
some say does not exist but I
know that it will be somewhere so
with determination I
keep on walking.
Update:Well a more constructive answer such as "I don't like freeverse poems BUT if you write it as a normal poem I might read it" would have been a little better 
Comments
The freedom part was great.another here got help with the structure.
Just try starting each line with words that let it have a smoother feel.
I thought it was alright..when you have it concise.it will be real good.
i cant stand reading those things!....