My parents completely invade my privacy?
First of all, I'm a 14 year old girl. By my parents I mean my mum and stepdad as I don't know my dad. Recently, they took my phone off me and forced me to give me the password by saying "if you don't give me the password you'll never have the phone back." After this they then read through ALL my messages between me, my friends and my boyfriend. They then looked through my internet search history and saw id been looking at relationship advice and that stuff. Also, my phone has a small virus including pop ups and that. They saw on my history, which I hadn't searched at all, a porn website. They had a huge "talk" with me about this. I tried to tell them it was the virus but they aren't having any trust in me. They have been acting very weird with me lately and it's making me feel very low. I feel I cannot tell my parents anything now. All the things I order off amazon (online shopping site) they go through all my packages. I have a bra coming soon and I'm so scared they'll act weird with me over that too, although they shouldn't. I feel I have no privacy anymore. When I am feeling depressed I write things down on paper, it helps me to feel better. Well my mum reads all those pieces of paper. Any advice?
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My parents have always invaded my privacy and kind of still do till today and I am 21. However, is it right that they are doing this to me still? NO!! But you are only 14 and most parents that have kids under 18 have the right to know everything about their child. This is the age where a lot of stuff happen and it can get dangerous. If my parents weren't strict with me I could of became pregnant or arrested. But I am thankful of what they did. But I am now mad that I am 21 and they still teenager. When you turn 18, you have the RIGHT TO YOUR PRIVACY and do not let them get involved or invaded your privacy but that is once you turn 18. But for now just suck it up!!
I know how you feel - when I was a kid I had ZERO privacy. I would up actually writing "Mom this is private - eff off" in my journals because she would read them. She was always trying to find out what I was doing and she actually had nothing to worry about at all. (My brother? Totally different story.)
Now that I'm a parent I can sort of understand why your parents are being this way a little. They're scared because they didn't have cell phones growing up. They probably didn't even have the internet until they were in their teens and any browsing they would have done would have most likely been on the family computer in the living room. It's really scary knowing that your kids can access all sorts of things without your even knowing about it. My guess is that one of them read one of the MANY posts about how kids are getting in trouble with phones and they're scared for you. It's annoying and everyone knows that they only do it because they love us but it's still annoying.
So here's what might help.
First off, have a calm chat with them. Explain that you know how dangerous the world can be and tell them what you're doing to stay safe. Let them ask questions and give them honest answers. Make a point of being open and honest with them and do take a few minutes each day to talk with them about what you're up to.
Doing this will help them feel more connected to you and they won't feel like they have to snoop to find out about you. Work to keep the trust in your relationship and make a point of not lying or hiding things from them.
And as for your personal things? Get an online journal or an old school one and find a really good hiding spot for it. You deserve a private place to vent and if they can't respect your privacy then you're well within your rights to have this.
Hope things work out for you.
As a teenager, I completely understand. My parents are always invading my privacy, but what I have come to realize is that they are going to do everything they want, because they can. Most parents dont realize their children have feelings, and emotions, and beg for privacy because they deserve it. I wish their was something I could tell you that would actually work, but if they have already gone this far they probably don't care.
Parents who have 14 year-old daughter/son do this. It's a common thing. When you become 16 or 18 or older, then won't invade your privacy. They're checking your text messages to be safe. Tell your parents to install a security system such as McAfee so virus won't affect your computer/laptop. You just have to survive all of it. Remember, there are even more WORSE parents out there.
That is because you are a child of 14, not an adult, and they are still responsible for your physical and mental welfare. Most adults don't have half the net savvy a 14 year old has, and so they are afraid of the unknown. They will have heard of "sexting" and be horrified at the casual way in which some teenagers send naked selfies to each other. And they will have heard on the news of young girls being enticed to meet older men who are paedophiles and who lie to them and pretend to be teenagers themselves. As good parents they are doing their best to make sure YOU are not involved in any stupid practices which could lead to a lot of trouble in the future.
No doubt you feel very adult now. I did when I was 14. The sad, hard truth is that you are NOT fully grown up yet and still have a lot to learn about safe behaviour, putting your trust in the wrong people, and the long term consequences of unwise actions you might take now.
I do think perhaps you should ask your parents if they have any specific reason for the sudden surveillance. Ask NICELY, not angrily or aggressively or confrontationally. If you lose your temper with them it will just harden their attitude in all probability. Either they have heard something about teenagers in general which has made them worried or they have seen, heard or been told of something specific about you and you have lost their trust. It takes just ONE careless action to lose trust and a great deal of effort and hard work to regain it. Bear in mind that perhaps what YOU think of as harmless or "normal" might appear to your parents as the height of stupidity or very dangerous by their standards. As they have the parent power right now it would be a good idea to listen to their views on what constitutes safe, sensible behaviour and while you are under their parental control stick to their rules.
You need to sit down with your mom and stepdad again to find out what's behind all of this. And maybe they already told you during your "huge talk" but you missed their point of view. So I'd start there.
After that, you need to see things from your parents POV. To them, you're still their little girl...and honestly you'll always be their "little girl". However, you're at an age where you start exploring more adult/teenage thoughts. If you haven't yet, you will. It happens to everyone.
So they're just being protective...and perhaps a little over protective. They want to make sure you don't make any bad choices...because most of us do at this age range.
Here's what your parents need to do: they need to trust you that you aren't making bad choices. And in turn, you've got to be completely up front with them for everything you do. This builds their trust. It's a two way street. There's something that happened that caused them to be so insistent that they look at your phone. Something they're not telling you. Maybe something they heard. I dunno. You'll need ask them about that.
And yes, you're probably right that they have no reason to NOT trust you. However, for better or for worse, you're their responsibility until you're 18. So if you do something wrong (i.e. commit a crime, get pregnant), they're responsible. It reflects badly on you. It reflects badly on them. They're protecting ALL of you from something like that.
And the fact that you're upset means that you probably never intend on doing anything like that. That's good.
And write down your thoughts and feelings. Let your mom read them. Then talk to her about them. It's a tool to hash things out.
As time goes on, as they trust you more, you'll regain your privacy.
They only want the best for you. And I'm sure you want to make the best choices in your life.
my parents had never check my mobile phone or internet history...as they don't know much about these things as they r not technologically advance..
My father always care for my privacy when i was a teenager now im 24 yr old..my mom although sometimes taunts for my behaviour like
when i take too much time in bathroom.
when i watch tv till late night
As ur parents suspect certain things it surely doesn't mean u give up ur freedom for using internet u can do watever u want on internet most teenager search porn its not a big deal...u have to delete history everytime u search those things..matter solve!!!
I can understand your parents concern, you being a 14 year old girl. Even if you are irritated by their behavior, its quite normal from their part. However if you want to hide private photos and videos, there is an apps called Leo Privacy Guard which you can use. Its 100% free and reliable.
I know this can be really annoying. No matter how much they love us, sometimes it's just not okay. But, understand the reason why they are acting like that. They really want to know what's going on with you. So instead of them having to go through your journals, sit with them, communicate with them. Communication resolves many things. You have to understand what is bothering them that leads them to act like this. Once you have had chat with them, come up with a solution together. Work as a team. All the best mate!