How to increase self esteem?
So im this guy who is the kind that is completely avoided by girls: Low self esteem, atyention seeking and a whiner... I really wanna change myself and im not much of a peocastinator, im a doer... Actually i had a best friend for like 10 years who demotivatwd me and destroyed my self esteem and i want it back... I have a new group in college and my friends with whom i hang out dont respect me that much and sometimes even ignore me... Please help!
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I am sorry that you have gone through life feeling this way, having a low self esteem can definitely be detrimental to someones health and quality of life.Although you have gone this long with a low self esteem, just the fact that you acknowledge it and want to change it is wonderful. Several people go through their entire lives building up on their low self esteem and refuse to do anything about it. This is mostly do to the discomfort one feels when attempting to practice a new way of thinking. It will not be easy to turn things around, but as long as you do a little bit each day, I promise the results will be worth it.
There are a few things that one can do to improve their self esteem, the one method I favor the most is overcomming definition. What i mean by definition, is this - ever since birth you are programmed to act , think and feel a certain way about certain things. We all have definitions, labels and setereotypes linked to us and alot of the time those get us down and can make us feel insecure about ourselves, causing a low self esteem. The biggest definition we give our selves, is the fact that we allow for our past to define us. Your past does not define you, and what happened with your friend of ten years , I promise does not define the person you are today. Instead , take what you learned from your friendship. what you may have done wrong , and what you may have done right. What they may have done wrong and what they may have done right. Then simply acknowledge that the friendship is over and that there is no going back to it. which leads me to the second step...
Letting go... When someone lets go, it means that they learn to accept the things they cannot control. there are a ton of things in our life that we can't control, and people is one of them. The only person throughout our entire life who we have control over is ourselves. We cannot control how people will react or interract with us, or what they will do. Which leads me to say, that you have no control over what happened with your friendship or the friendship you have now with your college buddies, but you do have control over yourself. The key here, in the control aspects is to ask yourself "what is it in my life that makes me feel bad about myself?" It is then that you distinguish and separate what makes you feel sad and what makes you feel happy. Once you find the difference you will be able to establish control within yourself and decide if whether or not yo uwant to hang out with these friends who disrespect you.
So all in all the steps to building a better self esteem are self acknowledgement (realizing that you want to change ) , defying the things in your life that you allow to define you, letting go of what you cannot control, distinguishing the difference between what makes you happy and what makes you sad, and learning how to deal with people who are insecure about themselves enough to try to hurt you.
there are alot of people out there who never deal with their insecurities and turn to things like liquor,sex, and drugs. Some of them even develop disorder to accomodate their lack of ability to deal with life. Some of them develop a hate that lasts a lifetime and seek out to hurt whoever they can.
but let me assure you this ,
those people's existence becomes nothing once you learn how to cope with them.
and this last piece of advice i give you is the most important.
If an insecure person tries to distort your reality and make you feel small or insignificant about yourself remember that everyone has their own reality. They have their reality and you have yours. When a person tries to argue with you, or hurt you, or belittle you, they are extending to you an invitation to their reality. the moment you participate in their reality, is the moment that you play by the rules of their game. So in simple terms, if someone tries to hurt you, don't give them your attention, and if its hard not to simply look away and don't show any signs of emotion or reaction, don't show them that they are annoying you. Once you do this, you are cutting their reality off from yours and you are forming a shield of protection around you. You are keeping your distance from their hate and by not showing a reaction you are not giving them what they want to feel better about themselves and fuel their fire.
There are a ton of insecure people out there, and its difficult to find someone who is not out to get someone. So understand, that learning to distance yourself from people is an important skill to develop. I understand that not having friends can seem lonely at first, but once you experience how good it feels to simply be alone and happy with your own company, the presence and acceptance of people will simply be a thing of the passed and you will go on to find the people in your life who matter the most, the people who respect you and love you.
good luck
Buy clothes you like,go to the gym (girls like muscle men),speak out loud and don't let words bring you down.
Good luck.
you just have to believe in yourself, believe in your beliefs..
you can't change how people act and you can't change people. but you can change yourself for better and by doing that you will make people do to you what you want them to do ...
if you're strong enough believe me people will respect you and do a lot of amazing things to you, but let this strength you have in a positive way like try to spread your emotions to others...
Go stand in front of a mirror, pull your pants down and stare at it. Works for me every morning.
Try helping others in need.Volunteer somewhere and you will feel much better about yourself and you will see what really matters in this life.