My New Poem , Care To Comment ???

so i wrote this poem because i was seriously sad in fact im still sad and disappointed

well this poem is about my feelings any way

here it is

Have you ever cried of how your life turned out?

Have you ever smiled of seeing someone get hurt?

Have you ever laughed at others mistakes?

Well … that’s me

And that’s all I can be

Because life doesn’t get better

In fact it just gets worst

Because life is not a movie

Because in real life you don’t get to undo

Yeah in real life you can't redo

And in real life you make a lot of mistakes

And people are fake

I say that because I'm tearing apart

And all I have is a broken heart

Update:

@ first answer : sorry for the spelling mistakes i was in hurry and also i wrote this like 5 minutes ago so i didn't check

and im why would i tell my dairy ?

im not a kid

LOL

Comments

  • Grammar, syntax, punctuation as a start. Then how do you show "life turned out", "hurt", "other[']s mistakes", "life doesn't get better", "worst" [you mean worse], etc., These are all abstractions which are nearly always anti-poetry in the hands if beginners.

    When you are feeling angsty and low, tell your diary or you Mom.

  • I enjoyed your poem and completely agree with you. I have laugh at others and sometimes feel life won't get better but that's when I write poetry to help me get out of it. I don't like all the questions in the beginning, feels like a survey or something. Poems should show more than tell. Try adding more detail to your stanzas. Thanks for sharing and good luck!

    answer mine?

    http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=Alpi6...

  • Sorry, bit like a bad pop song.

    Rushing shouldn't stop grammar and punctuation. That's a bit arrogant.

    BUT... I do like the line 'That's all I can be'. Can you build on that?

    Look up Jane Wilson's poems to see how she uses things to show what she's feeling. Or Seamus Heaney.

    Yes, don't tell me, show me. I'm afraid, as it is, it doesn't move me. And that is what poetry should do.

  • Oh dear, there is a lot of pain in here. 'And that's all I can be'. Surely not. If you can write then you can live. As the others say, just pay a little more attention to the basics and poetry could be your thing. It's up to you. Thanks for sharing that.

  • I am not expert in poem but I agree with the meaning.

    even after years I still see my ex-girlfriend in my night dreams although I hate her.

    broken heart is a not a healthy heart :(

  • That is actually amazing. I think it airs a lot of peoples views and writing it in like 5 minutes is great! I can totally relate, i hope you write more coz i think it's amazing.

    hope this helped (:

  • that was so sad. But that really spoke to us. Nice poem

  • "how life turned out"? You're not dead, are you? Then life hasn't turned out yet. Keep moving, changing, living, and it'll turn out different.

    Nice poetic effort. Please keep writing and posting.

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