Yes there is real fear of commitment, which probably relates to painfully failed parental relationships. But typically, in my experience at least, it means they don't really choose who they are with. In other words, maybe you're not the one after all, and I'm afraid to be stuck with the wrong one. Or worse, missing out on true happiness... this is all imaginary, hypothetical thought about a future that hasn't happened yet. People need to live in the now moment, and pay more attention to what they're actually doing, because when you spend all of your time thinking about the mistakes of the past, and looking to avoid a painful future, you fail to realize how you're still being the person who lived through and creates those painful situations today.
The point is, if you're going to make use of the imaginary future, look at what you actually desire to have, and spend your energy creating that, and making yourself into a person who has good things worth remembering.
Edit: Barney... it's selfish if they are just trying to "have their cake and eat it too". It is to say they want to be free to date lots of people rather than invest their time, energy, and emotion into something lasting.
i wouldnt call it selfish..why would it be selfish...if someone does not want to commit because they don't feel ready don't you think you'd be the selfish one to want to force them to just because you want them to?
I don't think it's an actual 'phobia' but many people panic when they are expected to or asked to commit simply becasue they are not ready...and why should they if they are not ready?!..everyone has their own life to live and their own self to develop. If they don't genuinely want to commit or are not ready then then it is very likely they will mess that relationship, most commonly by cheating as a kind of rebellious act!
commitment is something that should be given by choice, not asked or forced out of you!
Edit: asylumescapee... fair point ..but it would still be a sign that they are not ready so just leave!i think you can call it selfish if they pretend they will commit to you but only do so in order to be able to 'have the cake and eat it' ..at least that's what i think.... I'm a bit of a commitment phobe too...but only when it's serious like marriage and so on and i am over 20!
I understand precisely the way you think. I have felt this fashion, too. Have your ever concept that possibly you have not observed the correct one but and that is why you *subconsciously* "scan" your companions? Well...I advise that you just attempt to embody this phobia- suppose that is it is a facet of your self- come to phrases with it. I'm underneath the impact that the extra you are seeking to escape, the extra you are caught. Remember that to ensure that others to like you, you must permit them to (as a buddy stated...) Open your middle and they are going to open theirs. I understand the factor isn't whether or not they love you or now not however, relationships are are not able to exist most effective from the facet of 1 character. Maybe for your relationships till now, there used to be continually some thing retaining you again, correct? (By the best way, astrologically talking that can be due to the fact your ascendant and moon are in competition-mine are and I'm like that more often than not) I wish I helped a bit of bit...
Comments
It depends on a lot of things...
Yes there is real fear of commitment, which probably relates to painfully failed parental relationships. But typically, in my experience at least, it means they don't really choose who they are with. In other words, maybe you're not the one after all, and I'm afraid to be stuck with the wrong one. Or worse, missing out on true happiness... this is all imaginary, hypothetical thought about a future that hasn't happened yet. People need to live in the now moment, and pay more attention to what they're actually doing, because when you spend all of your time thinking about the mistakes of the past, and looking to avoid a painful future, you fail to realize how you're still being the person who lived through and creates those painful situations today.
The point is, if you're going to make use of the imaginary future, look at what you actually desire to have, and spend your energy creating that, and making yourself into a person who has good things worth remembering.
Edit: Barney... it's selfish if they are just trying to "have their cake and eat it too". It is to say they want to be free to date lots of people rather than invest their time, energy, and emotion into something lasting.
i wouldnt call it selfish..why would it be selfish...if someone does not want to commit because they don't feel ready don't you think you'd be the selfish one to want to force them to just because you want them to?
I don't think it's an actual 'phobia' but many people panic when they are expected to or asked to commit simply becasue they are not ready...and why should they if they are not ready?!..everyone has their own life to live and their own self to develop. If they don't genuinely want to commit or are not ready then then it is very likely they will mess that relationship, most commonly by cheating as a kind of rebellious act!
commitment is something that should be given by choice, not asked or forced out of you!
Edit: asylumescapee... fair point
..but it would still be a sign that they are not ready so just leave!i think you can call it selfish if they pretend they will commit to you but only do so in order to be able to 'have the cake and eat it' ..at least that's what i think.... I'm a bit of a commitment phobe too...but only when it's serious like marriage and so on and i am over 20!
I understand precisely the way you think. I have felt this fashion, too. Have your ever concept that possibly you have not observed the correct one but and that is why you *subconsciously* "scan" your companions? Well...I advise that you just attempt to embody this phobia- suppose that is it is a facet of your self- come to phrases with it. I'm underneath the impact that the extra you are seeking to escape, the extra you are caught. Remember that to ensure that others to like you, you must permit them to (as a buddy stated...) Open your middle and they are going to open theirs. I understand the factor isn't whether or not they love you or now not however, relationships are are not able to exist most effective from the facet of 1 character. Maybe for your relationships till now, there used to be continually some thing retaining you again, correct? (By the best way, astrologically talking that can be due to the fact your ascendant and moon are in competition-mine are and I'm like that more often than not) I wish I helped a bit of bit...
Are they geninunely terrified of making a commitment?
Or are they just reluctant to?
That's the difference.