Is my paragraph too descriptive?
Is my opening paragraph too descriptive?
I know it describes a lot about the weather and nothing about the character but it is only the first paragraph of my story.
The wind was dominating, replacing her thoughts with a howling echo. She struggled to keep her balance as the force of the storm pulled and pushed against her body. She was struck back by a blinding flash of light–a deafening boom of thunder sounded seconds later. The rain now fell in splintering sheets of ice, each bead of water stinging her soft skin more than the last. Bringing a drenched sleeve to her face she wiped away the hair that was plastered to her forehead. The cold rainwater had begun to find its way through the several layers of clothing she had on. She shivered. She could feel her skin rise with a sudden flush of goose pimples. Continuing down the saturated path she glanced straight in front at the car lights flashing past her. She was jealous, jealous of the people in the car. They were dry and warm whereas she could no longer feel her fingers and toes. Her ripped converses held a lake of rain water in the sole and her socks were drenched, the water still making its way through her clothing.
thank you
Comments
As a piece of descriptive writing, showing the effects of the weather, it's pretty good. Your English teacher would probably give you an A or a B for it.
But as the opening to a story, it doesn't work. You need to start with something that will pull the reader in and give them a reason to read more of the story. A weather report doesn't do that. As a reader, I need to know why I should care about this character and what happens to her or what she does. All you've told me is that she's cold and wet from walking through a thunderstorm. Who is she? What is she thinking or feeling? Is she hoping for something? Afraid of something? Where is she going, or where has she come from? Why is she walking in the rain instead of travelling in a vehicle or waiting for the rain to stop? Why are her shoes torn? Answer one or two of those questions in the first paragraph - or at least give pieces of the answers, or some hints as to what the answers might be - and the reader will keep reading to find out more.
Halloween's origins date back to the classic Celtic competition of Samhain (pronounced sow-in). The Celts, who lived 2,000 years in the past interior the area this is now eire, the united kingdom, and northern France, celebrated their new 365 days on November a million. right this moment marked the tip of summer season and the harvest and the commencing up of the dark,iciness, a time of 365 days that became into often linked with dying. Celts believed that on the evening before the recent 365 days, the boundary between the worlds of the living and the lifeless grew to advance into blurred. on the evening of October 31, they celebrated Samhain, while it became into believed that the ghosts of the lifeless back to earth. to boot to inflicting hassle and unfavourable vegetation, Celts theory that the presence of the otherworldly spirits made it much less complicated for the Druids, or Celtic monks, to make predictions with regard to the destiny. For a human beings completely based on the risky organic international, those prophecies have been an significant source of convenience and path for the time of iciness. To rejoice the form, Druids equipped extensive sacred bonfires, the place the human beings accumulated to burn vegetation as sacrifices to the Pagan deities. for the period of the occasion, the Celts wore costumes of animal heads and skins, and tried to tell one yet another's fortunes. while the occasion became into over, they re-lit their hearth fires, which that they had extinguished before that evening, from the sacred bonfire to help look after them for the period of the arriving iciness. My Halloweens have been spent with my maternal grandmother and my well-liked Aunt in a small occasion of Samhain. We quite often ate a dinner of greens harvested from the backyard and roast pork. At sunset carried candles and took a walk interior the avacado grove around the corner telling thoughts. Then we left a plate of bread and a tumbler of milk on the porch. After that I went homestead and out trick or treating with the little ones contained domestically. back then in basic terms approximately each and every homestead gave out candy and that i commonly have been given a pillowcase complete. My Dad could unload it on the carpet and take lots of the chocolate. I dont rejoice Halloween anymore. in basic terms a small token dinner at Samhain.
It has great use of descriptive language, but weather it has "too much" really depends on what your intending to use it for
Wow that's amazing!! No its no too descriptive its perfect and I love it
no it is good, it sets the scene great!