Does a sexless marriage equal a broken marriage?
I refuse to have sex. I will not have another child and not having sex is the only 100% chance of that. There are no forms of birth control that I feel I can both use and trust now that we've had a condom baby. I can't have surgery and he won't.
I don't want to ruin my marriage because I love him but I don't want another child that I don't want. So the only answer I see is a sexless marriage.
Update:Women get pregnant on IUDs too and again like surgery I cannot have it done.
Update 3:I CANNOT have surgery. I have an allergy to anesthetic. I cannot do it and I cannot do IUD placement which has also failed women before. The only 100% safe way is no sex.
Update 5:I am not looking to be judged or to get birth control advice. I know what forms there are and I know what he and I agree to. I also know what my body cannot handle. I am looking for an answer to my question.
Comments
Sex is just one part of marriage..the relationship and the expectations of the relationships..some couple enjoy lot so sex where other couples don't make sex important in a marriage..it totally depends on the couple.
A sexless marriage doesn't equal a broken marriage if both parties are on board with the sexless part. If that isn't the case, then yes, it's broken. Pretty much any healthy man will not agree to be in a sexless marriage, so if that's a condition you impose on him I think you could reasonably expect he will either have affairs to meet his sexual needs or divorce you.
If both of you refuse to have surgery and make permanent sterilization your birth control method and you absolutely cannot see another way to avoid a pregnancy (millions of couples use a combination of birth control and condoms very effectively, sounds like you refuse to use birth control), then you've condemned your husband to a sexless marriage. Don't expect him to live like that for very long.
ETA: So those of us that answer your question honestly, with our opinions of what will happen in a sexless marriage get thumbs down on our responses? If you only want answers you agree with then don't ask in a public forum!
You can use more than 1 form of birth control and unless you're trying to conceive you should be anyway. Condom babies are common as they tear easily with or without someone noticing.
You do know there is more than 1 form of anesthesia as well? If they can to a tubal ligation by robotic surgery, they can just sedate you without putting you completely under. (my husband is a surgeon).
A sexless marriage isn't necessarily a broken one but if sex is important to one of you, it's likely to become one. I have a platonic guy friend who is in a sexless marriage and all around other than the sex he seems to still care about his wife. He won't divorce her just because he doesn't want to lose seeing the kids everyday. He said they make good roommates who sleep in the same bed. However, he also cheats on her and cheats on her often, generally every few months he does out of sexual need.
Do you take other medications that would interfere with birth control?
You're not wrong for what you want and don't want but your expectations that a man will remain faithful in a sexless marriage is unrealistic. My friend I spoke of earlier, thought he would be able to do it as well and the more he cheated, the easier it got to do so.
Okay, you don't want sex anymore, that's cool its your choice. But don't be surprised and upset when he gets it from another female or females. I know you may not want that but that's the reality of it. Although sex isn't the focal point in a marriage, but it plays an important part. A sexless marriage is on it's way to become a dead marriage and many couples split because of it next to financial problems and death of a child. Either two things are going to happen with one guaranteed to happen. He's going to seek sex elsewhere because you won't be giving it to him and/or he's going to serve up some divorce papers. Having sex is closeness between two people to where you share the pleasure of each other. Of course you already know that but you've made your mind up in the subject and he should respect your decision. But what you cannot expect of him is to make sex non existing in his life because his drive isn't going away because of your decision. All I can say is good luck.
while im no expert I can tell you that if you "just say no" he will go find someone who will. Men and women are wired differently in the Sex dpt (again no expert but do the math) men use Sex to get to love Women use love to get to sex (Oversimplified) but i can tell you from personal experience its been a little over a year and I'm done with this sexless relationship the candle is out. we have been together over 30 and married for more than 27 years. we tried to keep things together but she had an affair at her 30th school reunion and i didnt want touch her after that (as far as i knew we were exclusive with each other since we were married) I cut her off first then when i thought i might want to try she wouldn't (retribution?) so good luck keeping him "HAPPY" without sex.
How selfish of your husband to refuse to get a vasectomy. The surgery would be so easy for him to get and recover from. I hate men like that.
How about doubling up on the pill and the condom. Or if you get pregnant again--another bc failure, you know you can get an abortion, even if you're a married woman.
A marriage without sex is not much or a marriage, it is just a friendship. If my husband refused to have sex with me then we would not be able to stay married and vice versa. We love each other very much and even with all that there is not enough there if you don't have sex, it is part of what makes you closer and bonds you. I suggest talking to your OBGYN and finding out what other birth control methods might be options for you.
Is 99.999% good enough for you? Nothing in life is 100% guaranteed, including the odds that if you continue to withhold sex from your husband that he's going to leave you, which frankly would be a sound decision on his part. You have got to get over your irrational fears or you risk losing your husband.
There are a lot of solutions to your problem, if you are willing to look for them. I don't blame you for not wanting any more children, that's definitely your choice. However, swearing off sex is probably going to distance you from your husband. There are many ways to please him sexually without actual intercourse. If you're a grown-up, you know what they are.
Sexless marriage equals roommates. Enjoy