Disrespectful teenage daughter?
I have a teenage daughter that basicly thinks the world revolves around her and her wants. She has no respect for anyone not even herself. She was not raised that way. She don't think anything about picking on her younger sister. She really don't have any friends because of her attitude and her disrespect for people. What can I do to try and change her out look on life and get kind loving daughter back. Or does this just have to do wit han age thing? Any advise would be great...
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What caught my eye is you saying that she does not have friends and that is a BIG issue. Stop being in denial and get that girl into counseling,immediately. There are anger issues and other issues that need to be explored. There is no shame involved. I'll tell you this much, if you don't get her into counseling, the problems will definitely get worse. No doubt about it. Make a few phone calls NOW. Please do this for her future.That is the only way that things will get better, the problems will not magically disappear on their own. I wish you good luck.
There must be some underlying issues here that need to be addressed. I would suggest family therapy to learn how to communicate effectively with each other. You have just a certain amount of time that you can make a difference in a child's life. They need to be given good tools for dealing effectively with others. The teenage years are tougher for some kids than for others. Life is about seeking out and nurturing good and healthy relationships. No person is an island. I have two good books that I recommend that may give you some insight. They are "Safe People" and "Boundaries" They are both written by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend. They give you some excellent tools for understanding and communicating with others.
Teenagers can be pretty sensitive, so try to be understanding and loving but also set up boundaries for mutual respect.
You haven't mentioned anything about how you have disciplined your daughter in the past and in the present.
If you are not in the habit of disciplining your daughter when she misbehaves, then you shouldn't be surprised that she is misbehaving so much now. Children and teenagers often cannot judge well for themselves which behavior is appropriate and which is not. And if their parents don't make and enforce rules for good behavior, then such children often end up harming themselves and others.
I'm sure your daughter enjoys a lot of luxuries and privileges for which you are paying. She eats sweets and all kinds of junk food, she watches her favorite shows on TV, she uses the internet, she may have a mobile phone and a digital camera, and she probably has allowance which she spends as she wishes. All of these luxuries and privileges you can easily make conditional on her good behavior. You are paying for them. And that makes you the boss. If she refuses to obey your reasonable rules of behavior, then take away some or all of these privileges until she does obey.
It's best to start disciplining children as soon as they begin to understand the difference between right and wrong. If you wait until they are teenagers and then try to discipline them, then it may not work so well because these teenagers are not in the habit of respecting anyone in authority. And being close to adulthood, teenagers do have the option of running away from home.
Usually there are underlying reasons for behavior like this.
It's not just because she's a teenager or it a phase. Something is going on inside her emotionally, and it's being expressed as some level of anger by being disrespectful to nearly everyone.
I would recommend that you seek professional help. Mom isn't going to be able to fix this on her own. Your daughter needs some perspective from outside the family. If she sees/understands that someone in the professional realm recognizes the same issues that you do, she may be receptive to changing.
Get some help with this mom!
We all used to be a teenager. Let us all look back how it was for our parents during those times. Unless you're like me who doesn't give trouble to the parents, then it's difficult to comprehend why your daughter is acting the way she is.
Try to find out if something is bothering her. Something must have happen for her to be acting up the way she does. Talk to her, if she don't want to say anything, do not push her. Let her know that you'll be there to listen when she wants to talk to you.
Do not, however, judge or condemn her when she decided to talk to you. Just listen and try to understand. Do not get into an argument with her.
Let her know that you are her friend as well as her parent.
It is very difficult to change someone elses outlook in life, but you can try to understand her.
I know you are doing what you can for your children and as a parent, we think we are always right. But our children also thinks that parents are dumb. It is a no-win situation.
Just be there for her. Maybe she is also jelous of her younger sister. Who knows?
Maybe when worst comes to worst, consider going for counselling.
Good luck and I really feel for you.
Nothing much to do.Just wait that stage be over.Patience and calming pills.You have to remember you were about the same when teenager.You didn't care too much about others,especially about your parents because you knew they would be always there and no matter what you do you belong to them and they belong to you and nothing can be changed.That is the way people generally behave,when they are sure on something/someone they don't care about.
Punishing has no positive result and talking is impossible sometimes.They don't want communication with parents,seems something oldfashioned.
So...try to take things as they are but...let them find out that they can't be what they are without you.Let them guess what would they be without your support,And if possible(in my case it is not) try to make them respect a program of being at home.
Yes, it's just maybe part of of growing up...testing her own boundaries. I always think of teens as going through the same type of process as a 2-yr old (no disrespect intended).
Both are moving towards independence, the word "no" becomes their favorite word, and in a way they trying to discover themselves.
When she was younger and she expressed her 'independence/individuality' I assume you set boundaries/limits and consequences for going beyond the limits.
Do the same now. Set the standard of expected behavior w/o wavering. Be consistent in the consequences for her going beyond limits. It's tricky because she's not a little girl but becoming a young woman. Yet, hopefully she learns her actions have consequences (e.g. social, personal) that may not be readily excused like when she was younger.
Contrary to popular belief, I believe teens want limits set...shows sign of security/expression of love.
I'm a teenaged daughter! I'd say that's it's a stage. You could just sit down and talk to her. But that might make it worse. Just try not to do anything to make her feel like a little kid, and try to keep the little sister away from her.
I went through it when I was a teenager. Why doesn't she repsect herself? Have you sat down with her and talked about her, about what's going on in her life, what she's feeling? Most teenagers experience a lot of depression and angst, and she may have issues that she has not expressed to you because she doesn't feel like you'll understand, and that you will condemn her for being who she is. Also, she's exploring her options and seeing what type of person she wants to be. Talk to her and see what happens. Don't say "you do this" or "you don't do that". When you say 'you,' it makes people defensive and they feel like you're attacking them. Think about what you have to say before you talk to her. Also, it should be "she doesn't have any friends" as opposed to "she don't".
Thats a tough one. I have 2 teenagers, boy and girl. The teen years are tough. Good luck.