Poem!!!! 12 year old girl , Seventh grade . Feedback?
No title sowwy :P
Yes, no maybe so ,
I don't know.
I'm confused leave me alone.
Your not worth it.
Not one little bit.
walk away ,
a little faster ...
Maybe today!?
Yeah thanks!
Thanks a lot.
Now goodbye Nice talking to you sweetiepie.
May I tell you one more thing?
I love you ,
More then you will ever know.
Juest one more kiss my dear ,
and leave me alone in tears .
Comments
About twenty years ago I took over the running of a series of poetry competitions, which included a children's section that is to say under 18s. I didn't have the time to cover all of these so I decided to abandon the under eighteen competition and concentrate on the adult comp. This was due to work pressure but nevertheless I've regretted that ever since. So, with regard to your poem - it needs work; it needs revising; and even when you have made a second, third or even fourth draft then it still is not finished. No poem is ever truly finished. The way that you revise your poem is really up to you and whether you want to write not just this poem but some more in the future.
In more detail: why have you capitalised 'Nice'? And it is not 'More then you' - it is 'More than you will ever know. And it is Just not Juest. Spelling is important in poetry. There are so few words in which to get over your message that each and every one must be spelt correctly for the poem to make sense. So, I would suggest if you are really interested that you re-write the poem, correct the spelling and then see if you can make it more coherent for the reader to feel what you actually feel. Don't stop writing, this has potential. Best of luck.
sorry but this doesn't much like a poem. Poetry shows more than tells. I need to edit it and show details.
example)
Mind unclear
Wishing to be alone
Haunted by my fear
Go away dear
Don't wipe away my tear
Never again
You should think twice
Before you told that lie
Leave me to cry
My heart hurts
Walk away
Nothing else to say
answer my poetry poem?
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AgjTN...
I'm not going to lie to you, I think it's pretty rubbish. Sorry
great content and rhyming, just watch the grammar. use correct forms of "your" and "you're"