<span >Christmas</span> moral dilemma...?
I have a problem. My husband left his job about five weeks ago, for a number of reasons, so the money is really tight this year. The presents are bought but the food has yet to be. To be honest I really can't see me managing a full christmas dinner on what I earn. My parents have invited me and the kids to theirs for christmas lunch, but hubby isn't invited. There's a lot of bad feeling between them anyway, and the fact that he's quit work and dropped us in it big time hasn't helped.
Last year he stayed in bed all morning while the kids were opening their presents, and spent most of the day playing on his computer, and I'm pretty sure that this year won't be that much different. But I have a strong sentimental streak, and don't like the thought of leaving anyone alone at christmas, and even less taking the kids away with me. But given that it's because of him that we're in this mess in the first place, it's kind of hard to see how we can get round this. What would you do?
Comments
Christmas is for kids. Think of your children, and what would be the best day for them. It sounds like staying home with Mr. Scrooge would spoil the holiday - they'd have a more festive time at your parents. Why not leave the man alone at Christmas ? - it doesn't seem to mean much to him. Do what will bring the most happiness to the majority of you - go.
Take the kids and go to your parents house for Christmas lunch. Just stay a little whil;e to let the kids visit the Grandparents, then go home to spend the evening as a family. Maybe he will get more involved that way. If I were you I'd get him up for the kids to open presents...he should be there for that...for the kids. Tell him what you are planning and ask him how he feels about it. if he's going to stay on the computer all day on Christmas instead of participating with the kids, I wouldn't feel bad about leaving him there alone for a while. You can always bring him home a plate.
if he could act that way on Christmas i would hate to see how he is the rest of the year. but as far as you leaving him alone and the fact that you would feel bad about it. you need to think about how your kids would feel leaving dad home alone. also i know that i don't make a big Christmas dinner, i make a bunch of meatball and have subs. its cheap and this way I'm not spending my day in the kitchen, I'm spending it in the living room around my kids. has he even looked for another job? if he has made no effort regardless of the fact that it is the holiday season. i would be telling him that he finds another job or get the heck out. but that's just me.i have come across some things at my work and would love to leave, but I'm sticking it out until i find something else,that's what he should have done. if you decide to stay at home for Christmas and he wants to stay in bed while the kids are opening gifts. i would walk in there and tell him to get up and that if he don't then you and the kids are leaving, and maybe for good.maybe that will open his eyes.
Simon, That's a tough call man. Putting the money aside for a second, your kids as they grow up are naturally going to be curious why they haven't seen their grandfather and great-grandfather. You should be prepared to answer their questions as honestly as you can. They have a right to know why they are not an active part of your family (and rightfully so). However, at the point your children become 18, they have a right to initiate contact on their own and may choose to do so. It may be good for them to see what kind of men they are on their own and get a first hand account. Back to the topic of the money, If you think that your father is trying to buy their love in any way (you did say he was manipulative), then I would return the cheque. I hope that helps.
How do u think your kids felt last year when he couldn't even take the time to watch them open their gifts, or spend any quality family time with them on Christmas. Don't spend one minute feeling guilty about taking your kids to their Grandparents. Christmas should be a time to spend with people who love you and a joyous time. He should feel aweful for what he did last year, he sounds very self-centred. Go have fun and give your children what they deserve at Christmas time.
Wow, tough one for you. You need to take charge girl, everyone is running your life except you!!!!!
First of all, I don't think it matters at all how your parents feel about your husband w/regard to inviting him to Christmas, he still is your husband, and that is rude of them....it really is...I am sure they hate him and want you to leave him but the point is you have not done that and that is up to you, not them.
Next, tell the hubby that he is not going to stay in bed while they open their gifts, no computer on the big day and that he needs to get his fat a** off the couch and get a job.
You have given up all your power to your dead beat hubby and over-baring rents...c'mon...get a grip!!! YOu can do this!!!
I don't agree that it is all his fault that you are in this mess...just look at how your parents treat him...not exactly a great self esteem builder...he feels like a loser, can't you see that?...
I think you should go to your parents with him, period. You need to either be in the marriage or not, leaving him at home alone depressed and feeling unwelcome is a big fat mistake...tell him he is going, if you can't get your parents to accept him for one day, you just can't go...they will catch on, he will feel better about himself, get off the couch and go get a job....
I have been in a marriage where his parents treated me like crap,we are no longer married, it takes its toll, trust me. Only you know if you want to work on and stay in this marriage, it is all up to you. Take your power back, today,right now. Now go do the right thing, you have children who only have you right now to do it....good luck...ain't family grand????lol
ok, I too have an "inadaquete" husband. If you know he's not going to participate much anyways I would leave him home and go with the kids. Why should your kids suffer because there dads a shlep. You guys should go and have an awsome day and dont even think about him. Trying a seperation with your hubby might also jolt him out of his selfish slump, you know.
Until you explained what he did last year, I was going to say, stay with your husband and children and have a quiet Christmas, but now, I think you should go to your parents and have a wonderful Christmas, with your parents and your children, let him stay at home on his computer.....
Take the kids/yourself to your folks and have a good time.....you cannot be two parents....sounds like he is "not there with you " anyway....by the way, you have a legal and moral obligation to take care of your children, no matter what he does...
Pack up the kids go to your parents--have great time. Sounds like he is more preoccupied with self than you and the kids.