am i a psycho?PLEASE ANSWER?
so i was watching something about this guy studing psychos and there back grounds and childhoods
i have so far had a terible childhood at least i think so.i have been poor my intire life my mom has always been on drugs and i sure she still is. my mom and dad fight all the time not as bad as it used to be but still pretty bad. i still remember from 10 or so yeas ago seeing my dad draging my mom from the couch to there room when they were fighting. i remember so much **** but i dont want to type it all but i will type some.i have moved at least 7 times that i know of and im sure ive moved more ive been taken from my friends and girlfriends the only girls that ever cared or will care about me so many times it hurts so ******* bad im always called fat or ******* ugly or oger
ive always been picked on alot and would take it out on my sister alot we are close now bubt thats besides the point.so many girls always call me ugly and thats what hurts the most.ive been picked on so much that i droped out of high school.im only 16 currently staying with my grandma because i cant take it at home anymore.
theres so much fighting and so many tweakers comeing in and out of the house all day and night just to **** kim.
at my house we live with my other grandma my dads mom theres 8 people that inclueding me.
i sometimes day dream or even speak about murdering brooke or jenna and sometimes joke about killig rich people
i have a realy bad anger problom. i play guitar and when i **** up i sometimes will throe my guitar or spit kick and beat it even with controllers. occasionaly when i thinkk of our situation or my past i will randomly flip out throe **** cry then break somthing kick punch walls.
im also not verry smart i always figure out alot of **** and fix **** for every one but still i thinkl im psycho and will become a murderer
im nice to people all the time im very charitable with things i loan and give people money all the time even my parents even though there not realy parents any more my meaning is that i have no discipline my sister does but not me i think its because i scare them or something last time i saw them we got into a big fight about our situation and i slamed my head into the wall 2 times.
i get so mad at myself for being so damn ugly and for being so dumb and for haveing ADD i pound my head in sometimes to get the feeling of anger out of it please help me i dont want to kill though im sure i will because i think about it.
Comments
You're not a phsyco but I recommend you see a counsellour/therapist. No, not because you're crazy. (; Just for your own health and your various (and completely understandable)... things like your anger management issues. If you learn to control this (and this is were counselling/therapy comes in), you will not harm anyone and will become a lot happier.
Your reactions are more normal than you think. I've been abused all my life and still am and believe me when I say that you collect all sorts of issues and problems. Thanks to the abuse I *had* low self-esteem, am unconfident (even though I don't have low self-esteem anymore- no idea how that works but anyway), have trouble accepting myself physically (but what teen doesn't?), have a severe case of OCD, probably Tourette's syndrome too, have (minor) trust issues (wonder why *sarcasm*), a few other things and have had multiple physical issues such as the fact that I've always had sleeping problems, my appetite is almost non-existent when, especially now, it should be bigger than ever, I'm showing major signs of stress (at my age- seriously?), seem to be becoming more and more intolerent of certain foods, occasionaly have unexplained breathing problems, terrible nightmares about my dad raping or murdering me and a million other things. Man that was long! I hope it helped some if not just to reasure you that what you are experiencing is PERFECTLY NORMAL and acceptable. You have to know though that not everyone understands... there is always the problem of the general public's unawarness of the effects of abuse...
Can you talk to your grandparents? Ask for therapy... they should understand seeing as they know your family...
If you cannot talk to them about everything I would recommend that you find someone you know you can trust and tell them everything that's bothering you and I mean everything.
Recentley I've started thinking about my parents/families death (I day dream a lot too) but it's always by an accident that has nothing to do with me. Try thinking of that instead, if it helps any. I just think of my fairly unconcerned reaction (sounds slightly mad, I know, but it's only a (day) dream lol) if I found out they died in an unfortunate car accident (with which I had nothing to do with-- I don't like murder or thinking about it, never mind commiting it!) It's a great release for me...
Good luck-- I hope all goes well for you [=
P.S. If your wondering why I'm telling you all of this... I've gotten used to telling people about it + no one knows me on here so my parents will (hopefully) never find out.
P.S.S. I've moved 12-13 times and I'm younger than you! Feel lucky (jk XD)
I reply first, and if the answering makes me consider or makes my day, then I'll celebrity. I recognise...it is choosy of me, sorry. o.o But this fashion I grow to be pointing my lovers and contacts to the *well stuff* you recognize? ^__^ Or no less than I attempt to. But have a celeb besides only for being sufferer and expertise. ^_^