Seriously ready to die?
I'm 16. Just to get it out of the way, because probably all of you are going to say thats why I feel like this. That might be true to a point. But when it gets to the point where I'm failing all my classes, like how it is now, even though I've always been a straight a student, i need help. I'm so stressed. I'm depressed, and I have really bad anxiety issues. This has been happening sense I was about 12, but it's been getting progressively worse. I pray to God (Christian) almost everyday to take my life away. I have no desire to do anything, no motivation. The only way I get anything done is by the force of someone else. My grades are crap, because I never do anything. I can't. If I think about it I just start having a panic attack, an burst out crying. I've told my parents but they refuse to believe anything's wrong. I've told them several times too. All I do is sit and cry. All the time. Or listen to music. Or write music, as a vent. I don't act sad though. That's just how I am by myself. When people are around I make myself smile. And they believe it. I just want to die so bad. Nothing's right in my life right now and I just find no point in my life. I would commit suicide if I wasn't morally against it. I really want to. I'm really scared too. Sometimes I completely zone out and realize I've been staring at something singing, with no emotion or anything. Or just staring at nothing in silence. Or just anything like that. I'm not like conscious of what I'm doing till I catch myself either. Like im in a trance or something. I'm so scared, and so messed up. I don't know what to do.
Update:My parents won't let me, because they refuse to believe anything's wrong. I know I should be.
Comments
Kelly, thanyou for posting this and reaching out.
The reality is that you are not alone, and are not the only one going through this.
I personally have felt the same way and suffered the same things, but you know what I am alive and loving it.. things got better! and they do!
I believe you can find some positives in your life right now, things that make you smile ... my encouragement are to focus on and cherish those things.
Another encouragement is to talk to a pastor, youth leader or someone similar about it, talking really does help, and they may be able to provide sound advise for you.
Also psychologists are trained to help in these situations also, and see many alike yourself coming to them for help, that is always another avenue.
And last and certainly not least .. keep praying and believing .. God loves you so much, and wants the best for you .. and remember this, He would not allow this to happen in your life unless He knew you could handle it.
And I believe you can and are handling it.. that does not mean it is not painful, but your still alive and wanting to flight right? He knows this and your heart.
In my personal life I prayed and prayed during many similar experiences, many times not seeing results or purpose at the time, however looking back i know going through these things moulded me into the person I am now, brought me closer to Him, the ministry I am involved with.
Life can suck, and there will always be down times, but never stop believing the fact that there are more up times.
I am praying for you also, and am happy for you to PM me any time you need to vent or talk etc.
Talk to your school counselor you can also call the teen hotline
at 800-448-3000 they are open 24/7 and its a free call they have helped
a lot of teenagers they may be able to help you too
You did not say whether you are seeing a counselor for help with your depression.
If you are not, you certainly should be.
A good mental health professional can provide you with the advice and the medication that you need to turn your life around.
That sounds just like my life ^^
It's weird you sound like me,It's nice to know someone is going through the same sort off things..
My advise would be try to do somthing..anything that makes you happy but I know it's hard
Good luck
Today I went to go see a psychic who is also kinda a doctor too, and she knew things no one knew and really got down to the problem. You don't even have to say anything, she'll already know. And she had a really relaxing enviorment with indian art and crosses hanging everywhere. I would advise going to go see one.