Sister as bridesmaid?
My wedding is on 11/01/08 and I have already planned out who my 5 bridesmaids were maybe 4 months ago...I did not include my sister. I just wanted to save her stress from paying for bridesmaids stuff she is getting married on 08/16/08. I didn't want her to have more financial strain as a bridesmaid, so I didn't ask her.
I have accepted to be her MOH for her wedding, but now she has emailed me today and said, "so if you want me to buy my bridesmaids dress, please make sure it's not peach oral with a floppy hat, lol". I'm thinking in my head, "Cr**! Now I feel really guilty for not adding her!" Now I'm not sure if I should add her as the 6th bridesmaid or kick out another bridesmaid so she can fit in.
I don't want to hurt anybody's feelings, but I don't know if I can afford another bridesmaid..plus there are 5 groomsmen already. What should I do?
Update:Hmmm..I didn't know that brides should automatically ask their sister(s) to be their bridesmaids? I thought that it should be the closest people to you..
Update 3:That is a really good idea, gr_gal19...I was thinking about how to fit her in and that sounds like a great solution!
Comments
How close are the two of you? It does make it tough that she asked you to be her MOH. You could always be upfront and honest with her. Explain that you did not want to burden her with the stress of money and time when her wedding is so close to yours. If you want to add her to your line-up, see if your fiance has another guy he wants to add.
In my wedding we have three bridesmaids, two junior bridesmaids and four groomsmen (yes, it adds up to five). All of the girls will walk in by themselves (the guys will already be at the front of the church). On the way out, the last groomsman will walk out the two junior bridesmaids. It may work for you as well if you're comfortable with that sort of thing.
I hope everything works out for you, that must be very stressful.
Well, you probably should have asked her if she wanted to be a bridesmaid before just assuming it would be too much for her, especially if she's your only sister (you know the saying ... "when you A$SUME, you make an A$S out of U and ME". By that same token, she shouldn't automatically think she's in your wedding party, but anyway .....
Have you already asked your 5 bridesmaids? It sounds like you did, in which case, your best bet is to add your sister as a 6th. Tell her upfront how much you expect things to cost (dress, shoes, etc.) so she knows what kind of financial strain she'll be taking on. Of course, she probably already has an idea, since she's planning her own wedding. Don't kick out a bridesmaid because you don't really have a good reason to and it would just make for bad feelings between you two. If it's not a trouble to add a 6th groomsman as well, then go ahead, but otherwise, you don't need a matching number. Just don't treat your sis like she was the add-on.
You can absolutely make her a bridesmaid, just be careful what sort of dress you put her in - many people find a young teenager in a strapless gown to be a little inappropriate. If you can find the same type of dress for her and it looks age-appropriate then great - if you're going with strapless for your other maids, then have thin straps put on hers. There are no hard and fast rules on ages of bridesmaids - in fact, I went to a wedding where all the bridesmaids were little girls between the ages of five and eight. They were adorable. (The bride's mother signed the license as the bride's witness to make it legal.)
She's getting married before you, so why not add her as a Matron of Honor? You can have both a maid and matron of honor.
Also, I agree with the others, she's your sister and really should be included. She loves you enough to ask you to be her Maid of Honor and that says a great deal about your relationship with her. Go ahead and add her to the party. You don't need to add another groomsman to compensate. Just have the best man walk with both ladies down the aisle if there is room OR have your sister lead the way for the rest of the couples.
Don't worry about uneven numbers - she is your sister.
I can see why you didn't include her. You were trying to be thoughtful and save her from the stress.
What you could do is this...email her back and tell her that you weren't sure if you should ask her or not because you didn't want to put any financial strain or additional pressure on her. Tell her that you would love to have her in the bridal party, but completely understand if she cannot do it. See what she says about that...but it sounds like she really wants to be a part of your wedding; which is great! Some family members aren't always as cooperative.
Your heart was in the right place but you need to include her asap. If you don't there will always be an undercurrent of tension between you. Worry less about what other people think and put your sister's feelings first. Perhaps you could cut somewhere else in your budget just a bit in order to fit your sister in. You do not want to live the rest of your life with the guilt associated with devastating your sister.
She probably should have been included in the beginning and given the choice to take on the stress or not. You made that decision for her and now have to scramble to figure it out. I agree with the other people, make her the Matron of Honor. It seems like it's pretty much expected these days that your sister is your maid of honor, even if you do have someone that is closer to you. Although, I have to question why your sister chose you as her maid of honor and you didn't even consider her close enough to be in your bridal party.
Do you have a maid or matron of honor? If you have a maid of honor, why not make her your matron of honor? I've been to weddings where there was both a maid and matron of honor. The best man can escort both women down the aisle. Since there will be an uneven number, instead of a wedding party dance, I would either forget it altogether or have the wedding party dance with their spouse or SO. Also, I would do a sweetheart table and have your bridal party sit at other tables with their spouses and SO's.
I don't want to seem rude, but you should have asked her to begin with. You could have told her that it is ok if she says no as you understand that there is money ans stress involved.
If she said no then everything would have been fine from the get go.
Make room for her. You dont have to have 6 and 6 on each side, it has been done before. And if you dont have enough money then have 6 and 5. If you are worried about being even, then just find another groomsman as well.
She has a special place in your life, so she should have an equally special place in your wedding. It was "considerately inconsiderate" of you to assume that she couldn't afford to be your bridesmaid after her wedding, but you could afford to be her MOH before your wedding. Ask her, and have your fiance' ask another friend or relative to make up the difference.
Edit:
She was going to be a guest, so you would already be paying for her dinner at reception. She'll be paying for her own dress and shoes, so at most you would be paying for a attendant gift, right?