How do I help my fiance control his temper?
I love my fiance with all my heart, but his temper is becoming a major problem. When we first met (3 years ago) he didn't show this. I met his father, and saw how bad he treated his wife, and told my fiance that he better not EVER treat me like that. Well...the longer we're together, the more he's becoming like his father. Just these past couple weeks, it seems like he is exactly like his father. He makes me cry almost everyday. I tried talking to him about it calmly, but it ended up turning into an argument. He just doesn't want to hear it. Or sometimes he'll "feel bad" when I bring it up, and end up turning it into a joke. I think he's trying to change the subject. I don't know. Anyways, it's getting very hard to deal with. I'm starting to get scared to marry him. I'm feeling so depressed recently, and it doesn't help feeling that he doesn't care. If you have any ideas or thoughts, please let me know. I want to get rid of this problem, and just be happy again...together. Thanks.
Comments
It's wise to be alarmed because you're getting an accurate glimpse of this guy's environment, an environment that has shaped his identity from birth. It will be difficult for him to modify behavior he has seen modeled all of his life even though he may earnestly want to for your sake.... VERY difficult, but not impossible. The thing is, he is really going to need professional intervention...this isn't something he's likely to be able to just "will" away. I would suggest that receiving that assistance be a necessary condition of moving forward with wedding plans (at a minimum). You'll be doing yourselves a tremendous favor by ducking a lot of grief further down the road. You can't help him control his temper; that initiative has to come from within himself, and professional help will teach him the skills necessary to reach that goal. Good luck to you both.
sorry but I think you should leave him pronto. he needs to learn the hard way
Therapist and trial separation...