Why is my self esteem so low?
Ever since 6th grade, I've hated myself. I went to a private school & I was angry that I wasn't perfect like everybody else at my school. My parents used to put me down for getting bad grades & for not wanting to be like all the others. They'd call me worthless, a disappointment, & stupid if I didn't get the grades they wanted me to get and since I was different then all the others I got called terrible names by both of them. I was my own person & I didn't want to be a brainwashed "Christian" like them. I stopped going to that private school because I was tired of being judged by everyone & I started going to public school last year. I could tell people thought I was weird because I never really acted like them of looked like them. I didn't have all the fancy & nice looking clothes & I became really self conscious. But then I got a boyfriend &I thought to myself "I mustn't be that weird because I've got a boyfriend!" we'll I found out he was cheating on me with two other girls & they looked so much better then I did. I cried for 3 months straight & asked myself what was wrong with me. I thought I knew what was wrong. I thought that I was too ugly & weird for him. It hurt to think that's why he didn't like me anymore. He told me he loved me & I was beautiful but he lied to me. He had been the first boyfriend I ever had & he really messed me up. I changed my whole look after he did that to me. I dressed better & I looked better. When I changed, my friends made fun of me & said I looked like a stupid hipster. I didn't even know what a hipster was so I was like eff these guys.Things have been slightly better for me ever since last year. I know I'm different and some people accept the fact that I can be a bit odd. I love that they dont judge me but lately, I've been putting myself down. I pick out the imperfections & dwellupon them. Is my self esteem so low because of everything that happened or am I just being stupid and overreacting?
Comments
FIRST OF ALL GIRL,
ACCEPT YOURSELF AS YOU ARE!
You want others to accept you , your odd things, you want them to love you, But then, can you love yourself? Ask yourself this question.
Secondly, You are an INDIVIDUAL, arent you? or are u a robot designed to be the way ppl want you to be. You know what an individual means? The one which cannot be divided further. U have ur own thought, ur feelings, ur understanding. But if u start behaving like what others want you to be, you spend all your energy in your efforts. Thus you neither are urself or the one you desire. Thus the low self esteem.
Thirdly, your "ODD" things are what set you apart. Value it. And you'll see how others start doing it too.
Fourthly, you seem to be crushing under the load of your heart feelings. But i say to you, WHY BOTHER? BE here and now. Love yourself, love others. Why bother stopping and thinking what some idiots think about you.
And about your "LOW SELF ESTEEM"..... it always marvels me how your mind keeps you a prisoner for forever more. WAke Up! and you'll see there was nothing to be low about in the first place.
Self esteem is something that can easily fluctuate. It can be bad sometimes but good on other days.
We are always looking for positive feedback from our friends & family... we all need acceptance. We start to feed from it, but the truth is that we can't get it all the time.
Do something good for yourself, join a gym and start working out. Even if its for 15 minutes. You will be amazed at how good & positive you start to feel! Also, consider getting some new clothes... that will boost things up too.
Why don't you take up martial arts? It can be a hard form like karate, or a soft form like tai chi. If you feel like the same thing keeps happening over and over to you, go with tai chi.
You don't mention your goals in life, other than to be liked or accepted.
If you want self-esteem, you must set goals for yourself and charge towards them. I dunno what your interests are. Write articles for the school paper, or make photographs. Find groups with the same interests you have and pursue those interests until you get so good at something that everyone knows it.
You feel your self esteem is low because you don't have confidence in yourself.Just do what you like.Dont think about what others will think.Ignore them for a while and they will come running to you.Your conscience should be the ultimate voice from whom you take advice.
Your self-esteem is low because you think that the way others think about you decides how you think about you.
No , your not overreacting ! Just live and see where life takes you ! Dont get dead .