How do I help my sister confront her daughter?
This isn't quite as it seems and I've seen this question asked a lot but this is way different. My sister and her husband has confronted their daughter numerous times and I've also tried numerous times but their daughter just doesn't see our view. What's happened is that Dee (our niece actually called Kirsty) is in a band and she's in Sweden quite a lot seeing as the band are Swedish and have more fame in Sweden but the problem is that Dee has been dating one of the band members for quite some time (she's almost 18 and he's almost 36).
I know she's an adult and all but it's a bit weird to take in and they've recently became engaged and she lives at his when she's in Sweden. Rod (the guy she's engaged to) has never been married or has kids but as said, it seems a bit weird that they're engaged and I don't know if I'm making a fuss over nothing but the guys almost the same age as me. I don't know whether I'm confused, angry or just worrying over nothing.
Does anyone know what I should do or say? Any tips or help I will greatly appreciate but I have a photo of their love on-stage if you want to see how odd it looks.
~Roxanne~
Comments
As much as you two find this union of souls unappealing or inappropriate all you can do is pray that she comes to her senses.
Confronting her over a subject like this is pointless. She will not do as you wish and the confrontation will only make her feel like it is her and him against the family. Which will make her leaving him even less likely because she will feel that he is the only one on her side. And, if he is controlling in the least (which most older men are when with younger women) this will give him ammunition. He will use your confrontation as a way to further alienate her from her family. Making her more likely to be with him indefinitely.
This is one of those situations when you have to hold your tongue. Talk about the positive things in her life and yours when visiting. Stay away from the ugly subject and if you have to talk about the weather.
Let her know that you and her mother are there for her should she ever need you (day or night) and let it go.
And pray. Faith can move mountains where men can barely move a mound.
Why would you want to CONFRONT your neice. You sound like you all are trying to force her to make choices you all can live with. Quite frankly it not your business or anyone else's. Your niece is an adult, free to make her own choices and decisions. She does not have to agree with your choices or her parents but she must respect them. The same goes for you and the rest of the family. You all might not agree or understand her choices but you HAVE to RESPECT them. Your sister raised her daughter to be respectful and responsible { I hope } so why is she questioning the ideals she has instilled n her daughter now. She molded her daughter into the woman she is now. Just remember what is weird to you is normal to someone else. Respect other choices in how they live there lives. and they will respect you. Tell your niece that you love her and respect her and that although you don't understand her choice you respect it and that you Will always be there for her should she ever need you.
At sixteen, she's at an rather susceptible age. i think of bringing this up along with her is going to do greater harm than solid. If she's waiting to enable you be attentive to approximately it, she would be able to. She needs some privateness in her existence, and if she would be able to't even bypass to the mall without the phobia that somebody from her relatives is staring at, she's unlikely to be waiting to enable you be attentive to something for an prolonged, long term. determine although that if she does bypass out, there's a curfew, and additionally you will ascertain who she's with. there is an exceptional line between looking after your daughters risk-free practices, and what she would nicely be doing on the mall with a boy (in public i'm going to upload)
thats kinda complex...since shes 18 at least let her know that shes a bit too young to be marrying a rockstar and maybe give it some more time and see if she really loves him like that.because theyll probably end up eventually divorced...but at the same time maybe she should probably learn from it or maybe see what happens next
What does it have to do with you? Do you think that she will be remotely interested in anything you have to say? I don't see why you have to get involved in this! It's up to her parents to speak to her if they feel strongly about it. She won't like the fact that her parents have got other people involved in her private life. If it was my daughter I would be concerned about her, but I certainly would not expect or even allow other people to tell her how to live her life.
On one hand you say she is an adult...but yet you're treating her like a child...if this guy is good to her ,takes care of her , is not abusive...then let her get on with it...the more you have a go at her the more you will push her into his arms.
There is completely no problem in this relationship as I see it. i think you should just advice your niece to pursue her career and not depend fully on this band star. she will see her mistake as time goes on if it really is a mistake. that's the best way to learn.
Yes, mind your own business... your niece isn't going to listen to you anyway. Be happy for her.. right now, she's happy so you might as well accept her decisions.
You never know, the marriage might just work out? time will tell.
what's the big deal. she is an adult; at least he doesn't have any kids, so she doesn't have to deal with extra baggage. let her be, unless you'll feel like he's some kind of pervert.
its wierd but she has made her choice if he treats her right and she loves him thats the way it is if he treats her bad then you have concern to be worried