How do you raise a good black girl?
My daughter is turning 15 next month, and I am already flipping out!! She is a great student at school and a good daughter at home. So far she has not talked back to me and she is well manored. I am 32 years old and have two children we have good relationships, son is 11 I do worry of my daughter because she do not tell me everything so I flip out because of the unknown. What is life ingredients needed to raise a daughter without a father who choose to not be in her life? Thus far I have raised leaders as far as I can see. I just want to keep them on track if possible, or should I say instill in them a heavy conscience... Any feedback would be great....
Loving Mom
Crystle
Update:Thanksto all who have taken the time to answer my question!! All of you have given me a great response that I can take with me! I know I mention how to raise a BLACK daughter, only because this is who my child is around and yes we are black. SO if any though I was being Bias I apoligize. Now that Indai is turning another year I feel that i have graduated into a new level. Her father choosed to not be in her life. Any day I will choose his time with her, over the amount the government forces out of his 5 figure income. Over the years I have been a good example around my children which is a choice I choose for us all. I am a single mother who just got out of a 13 year marriage and the divorce was bad but we all stood strong and made it thru and is still making it. My concern is as sincere and stand on the foundation of love. I simply want to to raise good children and am always open for new ideas to bring to my way of raising them to be outstanding respectful, educated children...
Comments
I think the best way to raise any child is to try to be their best friend. Do not be to critical of them and praise them a lot. If you punish them, then why would they tell you if they have done something, which they think would be wrong in your eyes. You must have a ton of patience, but it sounds like you are doing a great job. Just about all teens want to have some privacy from parents.
Good luck and keep up the good parenting :-).
Don't get me wrong Crystle but I recon your question should have been how do you raise a good girl period. What's with the black mention?!
Regardless of race, I honestly don't think anyone has the secret for perfect parenting, because there's no such a thing. However, I can tell you about what I missed having from my mom. She was great when it comes to feeding me and clothing me, but she forgot about that one main thing which makes girls become confident women, and that is love, and how to love and be loved. My mother never hugged me, never wanted to kiss me or demonstrate any signs of affection. My last therapist told me that could be the reason why I find it so difficult to let myself be loved, to receive love, to get that love from the men I am with. I can give, but I don't know how to take.
I am not a parent myself, and I sincerely don't know whether I will ever be one, but I say that if you give your daughter that one main thing, the feeling, the intimacy sharing, the love, the touching, hugging and kissing, you can be on your way to becoming the best mom ever!!!
I wouldn't have the naivete of blaming my mother for how I turned out to be overall, I mean given her struggles to keep me fed and all, but I do realize what went wrong while she was bring me up and what led me to most of my confidence and self esteem issues.
Don't ask her for more than what she can give, don't push her around because she can't match your immensely high standards, don't project your own dreams onto her, because that will only bend her and eventually break her, and destroy her, and just kiss her and hug her as much as you can. Teach her how to love, and I'm sure that you'll be a guarantied success, as a mother, as you will have brought up a healthy, balanced and happy woman!!
Remember girls really listen to moms, they really are the most important thing in their lives at the end of the day, and if a girl feels like she's loved by her mother, then she will never have any problems believing that she can actually be loved.
Sound's like you have done a great job thus far. I am in the same spot. My son's dad is great and my daughters dad just stared to pay attention. She is 11.. I always tell her to tell the truth no mater what. I promised to never over react if she say's something shocking. She has lied a few times but I always catch her, then ground her so she see's that telling me the truth from the get go is better for her.. And yes I have had to go to the other room bite my tongue and come back to talk to her calm. Just let your child know you love her always and that she will not upset you with anything she comes to you with.. and if it does upset you never over react or she will not share anything. your doing a great job!!!! she sounds like a great kid! good luck. I love to see single mother's be strong! I am mom and dad to my daughter sound's like you are to.
Continue what you have been doing, but add to it. Think back to when you were her age and think of some wrong choices that you made or maybe planned to. Gather information from that, and advise her on what to do and what not do. The birds & bees talk wouldn't hurt again, and give her some tips on what to do when it comes to peer pressure. Stress how important her education is to her, and so on and so on..
And most importantly make sure that she knows that her Race is the only thing that will never ever define her. Ever.
I'm Black and my Mom has always told me that. Good luck!
You raise a good Black girl the same way you raise a good White girl-with ethics and morals.
At 15, it's too late. Soon she'll be an adult. If you didn't raise her correctly since babyhood, tough tamales.
To become an adult means to be able to obey the LORD without mama or daddy there to force the behavior.
She must be introduced to the LORD. If she has good solid values supported by the never changing LORD's Word, she will know right from wrong. Having her mother's approval of what the LORD made her will strengthen her to walk a straight path that He will show her. When values are stronger than wanting popularity she is winning the battle.
Pray for her and with her and make sure she has her own Bible.
Help her find a church with a spiritually strong youth group.
She needs friends that support good behavior.
"good" "girl"
what, is she some sort of pet or something?
THIS IS A PERSON WE'RE TALKING ABOUT, NOT A DAMN ANIMAL.