Domestic assault?
My husband left myself and our two kids. While I was asking him to stay he pushed me and threatened me with a knife. The officer that my family called pressed charges against him. I don't want to be with him but I don't want to fight with him either. He needs help for his anger and his drinking. I want him to have a healthy relationship with his children. Therefore I don't want an order of protection. What will happen if I don't go to court?
Comments
Sensi....are you waiting till he does maim or kill you?
No matter how you feel about visitation, your children are being harmed MORE by watching his violent behavior. There is truth in "children live what they learn".
No child can have a healthy relationship with a drunk, violent father. Why would you even subject your children to such behavior?
As far as the charges against your estranged go, let them stand. It may be the ONLY avenue to getting him help. The court can order him to counseling for anger management and alcohol abuse.
It angers the hell out of me when women whimp out on filing charges. They put their life and their children's lives in further danger.
Let me give you an example I will NEVER forget - 1984. A call came in from an abused female who had a violent husband. I happened to be in the dispatch area when it came in. I heard her pleas for ANY cop to hurry (and I almost smacked a dispatcher over this...she started playing 20 questions). I grabbed the mic and dispatched a unit code 3. Made sure she stayed on the line...next thing we heard were her screams and 3 gunshots. She was dead. She also wanted her ex to see the kids.
I am not an easy person to deal with when it comes to domestic situations. The idea that "any father is better than no father" is utter rubbish. Not all men deserve to visit their kids. The same holds true for lunatic females. Parenting carries responsibilities. The onus of that responsibility is on YOU now. You are obligated to protect your children and YOURSELF physically, emotionally and mentally first, last and foremost.
Do yourself a favor, stand up and be accountable. This jackass certainly isn't going to be the good guy. Life WILL go on Sensi. You cannot force him to change, but you can change your way of thinking to a healthier, more productive lifestyle.
God bless dear.
First.... I will tell you that he should have been arrested for Aggravated Assault / Domestic Violence.
Next, the police can arrest him with out your cooperation if they have a witness and probable cause. The prosecutor will later follow through with charges with out your cooperation as well. You will be made to come to court. The judge will question you and you could be (never happens) be held in contempt of court.
The thing is, Domestic Violence cases are taken very seriously.. Why? Because its just a matter of time before he drives that knife into your skull and that of your children's, too.
You are NUTS to stay around this guy. You are even more NUTS if you allow him to have contact with the children until he gets off the booze, onto meds and into therapy.
Get a protection order and keep him far away! Follow through with the charges so he can get court ordered help!
Sweetie, you do what you want... but do not put your children's security and sanity on the line for this guy.
It depends on the state and the severity of the police report. In many states, because women are often hesitant to file a complaint, the state files against the abuser and it will be out of your hands.
However, it should be noted that getting an order of protection doesn't mean that a father won't get to see his children. It can in fact have the effect that you seek. It can compel the father to seek counseling or anger management as he would be unable to see his children unsupervised without attending those sorts of classes.
No one, man or woman, has ever changed from an abusive person to a non-abusive person based on a promise never to do it again. This wasn't an accident, you can't accidentally threaten someone with a knife. He can't possibly have a healthy relationship with his children if he is drinking and threatening to kill their mother. And they can't really have a healthy relationship with you if they see that Mommy accepts that a man who claims to love her, threatens to kill her etc etc etc...children learn what they see. Is this the life that you want your kids to have?
So...Im sorry but you need to wise up before you end up on a mortuary table and your kids in care. This man needs help and you AND your kids need protection.
best wishes
You need to get this taken care of ASAP! What kind of healthy relationship do you think he is offering by letting his children see him treat you like this? You need to be strong right now and not tolerate this. I always made excuses for my ex too and then someone made the smartest comment to me.... "He's a grown man and he can feed you any excuse under the sun but he still knows what he is doing and you allowing him to treat you like this isn't helping anyone." My ex also claimed that he changed a million times and I just recently heard that his new lover interest is also trying to get away from him because he harrasses her too. We like to believe that we can do just ONE thing to make them stop this behavior and we want to believe that we can help them but we really cant and it sucks to have to face that. Many women stay in these relationships because its soooo much easier to stay than to face the hard, difficult reality of kicking him to the curb where he really belongs. You need to go to court and face this head on. If something does happen in the future, and you didn't show for court, it's going to make it a lot more difficult for them to take you seriously. It isn't healthy for your children to be in this situation. What is healthy about a drunken father hurting their mom? I say, go to court and cut your loses for now. If in a few months you HONESTLY see a lot of improvement and he has made an effort to get help THEN you can reconsider his relationship with your children. Right now, he's too unstable. Nobody ever said it would be easy. You can always email me back if you need to talk :-)
Call and speak with your local DA's office. They usually have a victims assistance office, and they can help with some of those issues.
And as far as not going to court, well, if your subpoenaed to go, then you must otherwise you'll be in contempt of court and YOU could be arrested.
They cant make you testify against your husband, you have spousal amenity.
These laws are in place to protect you and your children. If he treats you that way, he will most likely treat your children that way. And as the saying goes, "like father, like son," you stand the chance of your children learning these behaviors. Historically, if you have a boy, he will follow in dad's footsteps. If you have a daughter, she will look for a man just like dad. Stop the madness now. A healthy relationship with dad is great if it can be done. Sounds like dad showed you it can't.
And on a selfish level. I have better things to do on my weekend then sit in a hospital room with a man who 'tried' to commit suicide after he killed his wife. Been there, done that. The conversation isn't that great either.
they will proceed without you