Doe my paragraph need improvement?
A gust of wind tore through the silence, darkness cascaded around me, Katrina and Willow accompanied me by my sides, ''well, today is the day we have been longing for'' sighed Willow, as we began making out a floating figure past the trees far ahead.
As I glared down at the floor hundreds of meters below me, my feet shivered with anxioty, as if I was going to be pushed off of the roof and fall into the depths of a bottomless pitt below me.
The figure turned out to be a helicopter, that was pulling in closer to us, sending waves of wind skimming through my cole black hair, as black the cauldron black sky, the helicopter grew closer and closer, my heart ate its way through exitement for tonight's performance.
Glenn and Elton lept out of the window panting and scrambled onto the roof, Glenn exchanged a look of worry ''Sorry we'r late. Had to take care of something back at Clyde's office''
''Doesn't matter right now, what matters is we know the plan. Right?'' I clarified plucking out the folded copy from my zip pocket, revising it, they all nodded in agreement.
''Group 99?'' A anonimus voice from behind me asked, I craned my neck to lay eyes on a small aircraft hovering in thin air, inside it an elderly man sat controling it.
''Yes, we'r group 99'' Katrina stated with a mild nod,
''Hop in'' the man responded before throwing off his flight goggles, taking a good look at each of us as we sprung into the helicopter.
Comments
Yes it does.
- A gust of wind tore through the silence, darkness cascaded around me, Katrina and Willow accompanied me by my sides, ''well, today is the day we have been longing for'' sighed Willow, as we began making out a floating figure past the trees far ahead.
Okay, to start with the sentence "accompanied me by my sides" sounds somewhat awkward, try saying it simpler: "Katrina and Willow were at my sides". Next, Willow's dialogue should ideally be on a new, indented line.
-As I glared down at the floor hundreds of meters below me, my feet shivered with anxioty, as if I was going to be pushed off of the roof and fall into the depths of a bottomless pitt below me.
Spelling mistakes: "My feet shivered with anxioty" - "My feet shivered with anxiety". "A bottomless pitt below" - "A bottomless pit below".
Saying that her feet shivered is somewhat strange...since when do feet shiver? Saying her legs were weak/like jelly would be more fitting.
-The figure turned out to be a helicopter, that was pulling in closer to us, sending waves of wind skimming through my cole black hair, as black the cauldron black sky, the helicopter grew closer and closer, my heart ate its way through exitement for tonight's performance.
Spelling mistake: "through my cole black hair" - "through my coal black hair".
What figure? You don't mention they have seen a shape in the sky before now. Make sure you remain consistent. Also, the sentence about her hair being as black as the sky could be worded better.
-Glenn and Elton lept out of the window panting and scrambled onto the roof, Glenn exchanged a look of worry ''Sorry we'r late. Had to take care of something back at Clyde's office''
Spelling mistakes: "Glenn and Elton lept" - "Glenn and Elton leapt"; "Sorry we'r late" - "Sorry we're late".
What window did they jump from? Was it the helicopter? Did a window just suddenly appear in mid-air? Be clear! Also, you need a full stop/comma/question mark/exclamation mark at the end of dialogue.
-''Doesn't matter right now, what matters is we know the plan. Right?'' I clarified plucking out the folded copy from my zip pocket, revising it, they all nodded in agreement.
''Group 99?'' A anonimus voice from behind me asked, I craned my neck to lay eyes on a small aircraft hovering in thin air, inside it an elderly man sat controling it.
Spelling mistakes: "A anonimus" - "An anonymous"; "inside an elderly man sat controling it" - "sat controlling it".
-''Yes, we'r group 99'' Katrina stated with a mild nod,
''Hop in'' the man responded before throwing off his flight goggles, taking a good look at each of us as we sprung into the helicopter.
Spelling mistake: "Yes, we'r group 99" - "Yes, we're group 99".
You need a full stop after "nod" as well, not a comma. The same goes with the dialogue as well; you need some kind of punctuation.
They're all the mistakes I could see. You need to work on your description as well to make it "flow" a bit better, so that you are showing instead of simply telling.
It does not count in case you checklist your targets on your resume, it relatively is as much as you. in case you do no longer positioned an purpose, make valuable your cover letter states what place your are using for and the place you discovered their activity posting. "in reaction on your activity posting on...., i could like to maintain on with for the ..... place." Then checklist your skills and what skills the corporation is calling and study desires. be valuable to additionally upload a paragraph and state why you will be employed over different applicants. on your resume you've right here: targets assertion (some human beings purely checklist a quick precis paragraph interior the commencing up to change targets), instruction, artwork journey, skills (consisting of computing device skills, wpm), different events (if any), and Awards/certificates. this is not mandatory to characteristic "References are attainable upon request" HR or the hiring supervisor already be attentive to they might get references from you.
Wow that ostensibly really good would like to read the rest of it. The only thing i saw was you forgot and as in "my COAL black hair was as black AS black as the cauldron black hair..." and you spelled coal wrong but otherwise great job you are a great author