I think I made a big mistake do you?

I met this guy on my first day of college and we were floor mates in our dorm. I was not physically attracted to him so I made him my friend. I started talking to him and I started to really like his personality so I became his really good friend. The next semester I told my roommate how I felt about the guy and she said it didn't matter if I didn't like how he looked as long as I like his personality the that means I like him as a person. I am very shallow and only talk to guys that look good unless we have to talk because we live together or something so I ignored her advice and tried to like him less. One day we went to a BCR party and I drank too much because as we were walking home I blacked out and the next thing I know I am making out with him. After that I treated it like a hook up and decided it never happened. Also I don't believe in love so this story is about to get crazy. So he went away for the weekend to LA and I decided I would not text him unless he texts me first because that lets me know he is thinking about me so he ended up texting me and I told him I missed him and he said he missed me and when he got back we took a floor trip to SF and on the walk back to our dorms we were alone so we talked and he asked me out and I said yes. It was great but I told him I loved him sober. It just slipped out but I really meant it. I felt really restricted though because I couldn't go to frat parties because I usually find a good looking guy to make out with when I go but I was taken so I couldn't. Anyway I cheated on him and he forgave me and I ended up breaking up with him because I wanted to be free but then I wanted him back and he said no twice. It has been 5 months and I still have strong feelings for him. Oh also I had a private mental breakdown when he said no and I was really sad. He cried when we left the dorms for good and asked if we could still be friends and I said yes so he would stop crying. He is a man and never cries but he did. Do you think it was actually love? Also do you think I made a mistake? What should I do?

I never told him that I wasn't attracted to him physically.