please correct my grammar?
Standing 5' 8" and 113 lbs, this hot 18-year-old model hails from Tampa, Florida. Ella loves to model, it's a
great way to express herself and sometimes act like someone else. She may be a newbie but, She's trying to make it out
there. She's very serious about modeling and take every job professionally. She'll do any kind of picture other than nude.
Comments
Standing 5'8" and weighing 113 pounds this hot 18 year old model hails from Tampa, FL. Ella loves to model. It's a great way for her to express herself and to sometimes act like someone else. She may be new to this but she is very dedicated to making it all the way to the top. Ella is completely serious about her modeling and brings a professional approach to every job. She is available for most any kind of modeling except those involving nudity.
Standing 5'8" and 113 lbs, this hot 18-year-old model hails from Tampa, Florida. Ella loves to model; It's a great way to express herself. She sometimes acts like someone else. She may be a newbie, but she's trying to make it. She's very serious about modeling and performs every job professionally. She'll do any kind of picture with the exception of those that involved being in the nude.
I had to switch around some of the words because they sounded awkward and not how writers usually express them. There were a few mistakes: comma splices and misused commas, but other than that it wasn't too bad.
Ella,18, is a 5'8" model from Tampa, Florida. She loves to model because she can express herself and at times act like someone else. Although she is new to modeling she is serious and professional. She'll do any kind of non-nude picture.
I can improve your notice, as much in terms of its style as its grammar.
Why do you say you are "hot"? You make yourself sound immature and (frankly), not very bright. When you stress sexiness by describing yourself as being "hot" you undermine your own professional credibility. What if someones wants you to model an army uniform to encourage female enlistment, or an advert for a medical school trying to increase its percentage of females?
Don't say you "hail from" a place, just say you are from there. Don't say Tampa Florida. Everyone knows where Tampa is, and potential employers are not morons.
There are too many repetitions of the first person pronoun "she". Use descriptive nouns and adjectives instead..."This promising young model", "This dynamic and vivacious newcomer."
There is a parallelism error in "She's very serious about modeling and take every job professionally." I do not think that professional is a good word here.
Say either, "She's very serious about modeling and brings a professional attitude to her work."
or
"She's very serious about modeling and will bring a professional attitude to every assignment."
In any job application, it is unwise to introduce a negative or a limitation. Don't say that you won't do nude. Just say no if or when someone asks you to do it.
Hope this helps. Good luck in your new career.
the only big one I see is you need an 's' on the end of 'take'. So it would read 'takes every job seriously'. However if you are wrighting this as an add I think it needs a little rewording.