Can you check my paragraph for grammar mistakes? Mainly run-ons, fragments, comma splices?
Although Eric Schlosser’s Fast Food Nation is an eye opening exposé, I personally found Upton Sinclair’s novel The Jungle a more compelling piece of muckraking. Sinclair’s use vivid imagery of the gruesome acts that were happening at the time in the meatpacking factories, helped to strongly convey a call for action to stop the continuation of the atrocities that were kept hidden for so long. The images of rats defecating on our meat not only infuriated me, but also general public that has read the book. Its impact was so big that president Theodore Roosevelt was so disgusted he called for an official investigation. Additionally Sinclair’s use of pathos is the key to what made his novel undeniably more effective in his muckraking; the result of being told from the perspective of an immigrant family made me find their discoveries more appalling because of how personal their experience was. In contrary to Fast Food Nation which despite the insightfully overflowing amounts of information, history, and facts on the fast food industry, simply the author’s use of logos did not effectively persuade me as the other. All in all, both writers received much critical acclaim, and revealed the sinister secrets of the meat packing industry, however Sinclair’s poignant tale had something I found lacking in Schlosser’s rendering facts: heart.
Comments
Although Eric Schlosser’s Fast Food Nation is an eye opening exposé, I personally found Upton Sinclair’s novel The Jungle a more compelling piece of muckraking.
COMMENT: Delete "personally." It's superfluous.
Sinclair’s use vivid imagery of the gruesome acts that were happening at the time in the meatpacking factories, helped to strongly convey a call for action to stop the continuation of the atrocities that were kept hidden for so long.
COMMENT: Awkward and run-on. Delete "at the time." It's superfluous. Delete the comma after "factories." You don't "convey a call for action." You might use "spur" or "trigger" or "prompt." Delete "continuation of the." Superfluous.
The images of rats defecating on our meat not only infuriated me, but also general public that has read the book.
COMMENT: Change "our" to something else or just delete it. Delete "that has read the book." It's superfluous.
Its impact was so big that president Theodore Roosevelt was so disgusted he called for an official investigation.
COMMENT: Change "big" (which refers to physical size) to "great." Awkward sentence.
Additionally Sinclair’s use of pathos is the key to what made his novel undeniably more effective in his muckraking; the result of being told from the perspective of an immigrant family made me find their discoveries more appalling because of how personal their experience was.
COMMENT: Run-on sentence. Break it up. Take out "undeniably." The sentence "the result of being told . . . " is very awkward.
In contrary to Fast Food Nation which despite the insightfully overflowing amounts of information, history, and facts on the fast food industry, simply the author’s use of logos did not effectively persuade me as the other.
COMMENT: Yet another run-on sentence. Not sure about your use of the word "logos." That's also not a complete sentence. And it should be "contrast," not "contrary." Here's how it should read: "In contrast, Fast Food Nation--despite the large amount of information, history, and facts on the fast food industry--was not as persuasive as "The Jungle." [Now you've got to explain why.]
All in all, both writers received much critical acclaim, and revealed the sinister secrets of the meat packing industry, however Sinclair’s poignant tale had something I found lacking in Schlosser’s rendering facts: heart.
COMMENT: "All in all" is superfluous. Identify the two writers. Incorrect use of "poignant." Rewrite to something like: "Both Fast Food Nation" and "The Jungle" were critically acclaimed for revealing the dark side of the meat packing industry. However, Sinclair's book had something I found lacking in Schlosser's: heart."
Hope that helps.
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