Bridesmaid's dress dilemma...what to do?
My friend Virginia (not her real name) was invited to be a bridesmaid by her brother's fiancee Bridget. Trouble: the dress. Virginia thinks the dress is all wrong for her body type. She's reluctant to spend hundreds of dollars for a dress she will only wear once and look laughable in. (She is plump and the dress is more for a svelte type.) I asked, "Will she let you wear a dress of the same color that fits your type?" "No." "Will she let you alter the dress so that it looks better on you?" "No." "Well, what if you sang at the wedding instead?" "No: my brother hates my voice."
So, should Virginia capitulate and bear it for a day, or should she say "Thanks but no thanks" and drop out of the wedding party? I get the impression that Bridget thinks Virginia, as the groom's sister, must be in her wedding party. BTW, I think all these people are in their late 20s or early 30s, and the wedding is this summer.
Comments
That's what happens when you agree to be a bridesmaid- not all brides will let you pick your own dress. If the bride says she has to wear it, she has to wear it or not be a bridesmaid. The bride chooses. End of story.
If she is uncomfortable maybe she can get a shawl or wrap and just ask the bride when it's ok for her to wear it.
The bridesmaid needs to remember that this is about the wedding couple, not her. If it's something that is physically revealing, then she should bow out. But if it's just that she's not flattered or isn't comfortable, she needs to suck it up for a day.
If she's worried about being "plump," she could always start working out and eating better so it will fit better. It will only make her healthier.
Honestly, I'm surprised that in this day and age, a person would agree to be a bridesmaid and not understand that it means buying a dress that you'll never like or wear again. That's just how it is. I've worn plenty of ugly dresses for the sake of my friends. I either sell them afterwords, or make them wearable with a sewing machine for a different event.
I have witnessed this scenario over and over again, and there is no "right" answer.
So, here's some advice from a wedding professional . .
If your friend Virginia is uncomfortable wearing the dress in it's present state (without changes) then I would bow out because spending a lot of money on a gown that makes you feel "less than perfect" is a waste of money and does nothing for your dignity. And not letting a future family member change the dress to something that may be "more becoming" says a whole lot about the Bride (not a nice lady).
Answered by: A Certified wedding specialist / A Professional bridal consultant / A Wedding ceremony officiant
Virginia is in an awkward position, but can handle with the grace. She might try on the dress and let the bride-to-be see how it looks. If the bride insists it's okay, Virginia needs to explain that she's not trying to cause problems but it's not something she can get away with wearing and be dressed properly for any event. She then can explain that it would be best if she bowed out and attended the wedding as a guest instead.
However, she needs to realize the bride isn't going to understand how the dress looks on her. The bride chose this dress and her concern is that everyone look the same. She won't realize what Virginia is talking about.
If brother isn't at this shopping trip, she might take a photo and show him if she can't make the bride understand. Maybe brother can help the bride understand.
There at the instant are no regulations with this. i've got been to 3 weddings the place each and every bridesmaid which includes MoH is interior an identical gown. i've got been to 3 the place the bridesmaids are all in a gown the place the main colour is lavender and that they have got a crimson sash yet then the MoH is in a crimson gown with a lavender sash. i've got been to 3 the place each and every of the bridesmaids, which includes the MoH are interior an identical colour however the MoH is wearing a distinctive form of gown. i could desire to pass on and on and on. long tale short, no regulations, as long as all and sundry looks extreme-high quality
Here is my opinion.
It depends on how close Virginia feels to her brother. Is she close with her brother? Are they good friends or merely siblings? If she feels close to her brother and wouldn't think about NOT being in the wedding, well....then she should just put up with the dress. It's only a dress.
There have been many posts on here from brides who do NOT want their groom's sister in the wedding at all. So I give Bridget credit for at least including her groom's sister. She should feel honored. Again, it's only a dress. Years from now everyone will be laughing at the pictures anyway. Styles change as do people.
When the bride chooses a dress for all her maids to wear, its a "suck it up" situation. She is the bride and you wear what she wants you to wear should you agree to be a bridesmaid.
The question Virginia needs to ask herself is --- Is it worth offending my future sister-in-law by saying "I hate the dress, so I won't be in your wedding"?
If Virginia is OK with the potential outcome, she could always decline. It is always an option she has.
Personally, if I were asked to be in the wedding party at my sibling's wedding (her bro IS getting married), I'd suck it up and wear whatever the bride wanted me to. I might secretly hope she sees how awful the dress looks on me and hope she changes her mind. But at the end of the day, I'd wear it.
Luckily, when I picked dressed for my girls, they all liked the color and fit...none of my girls are necessarily "fat" but all are shaped differently for sure. Some have broader shoulders while the other has a small waistline, etc. The dress I chose looks great on all body types.
I think your friend should say something. If she feels uncomfortable and insecure in the dress, maybe they will let her get one in a different style. If it were me, I would totally understand, but I would have thought about who is in my wedding party first and then picked a dress like I said above...
Hope things work out and everybody is happy!
She really needs to talk to the couple and let them know she's not comfortable with the style of dress on her body. Long gone are the days when BM should suffer a hideous dress whether it be style or fit. If the couple will not bend then I would advise gracefully bowing out and simply enjoying the wedding because being uncomfortable is not enjoyable or fair. If she feels the dress is bearable for the day then do it.
My sis is a lil plump with a big bosom (about a size 14) I'd never insist on putting her in a dress made for someone my size (about a size 4).
I have been in Virginia's shoes. I shut my mouth and was miserable through the whole experience and have regrets. Today, a wiser woman, in Virginia's shoes, I would try to compromise, but if the bride won't budge, I'm out.
I think it's up to Virginia. I love my brother enough that I would be willing to suck it up and wear an unflattering dress for one day. I would rather be standing up there with him and his bride in something ick and be a part of making their day awesome than sitting in the pews wearing something I picked and feeling dumb for being such a big baby about a silly dress.
Family > clothes, in my book.