Is my poem any good? Criticize please constructively?
Masquerade
A lover of writing I put good deeds to rest
and tucked upon my pillow the seeds of loveliness
and many moons ago or so it seems
I forgotten my goals and cobwebbed my dreams
A lover of passion and simple embrace
I turned my cheek to the cold to not make face
To the warmth of the sun, to a kiss so sweet
it turns widows to queens and leaves enemies to retreat
and who are you girl that stands before me?
with your sad still eyes hanged in tradegy?
once a solid built palace- a fortress stood tall
now only the remains of a crumbling wall ?
As I stand in the darkness a light shatters in
through a spectrum of time the barrier runs thin
And reality plumits as I sink on lifes stage
Seeing a face I know well just taken with age
The mirror is haunting and startles me still
and the well flowth over more than I can fufill
And I grieve for the girl that disapears with a trace
Leaving confusion upon me- a girl with my face
a girl with my face who never forgave
her demons before her who I could not save...
** Andrea Keller**
Update:Let me help aid the meaning, if its not understood. Ouch, on the first answer, but I'm open minded so thank you. I love writing , but do not do as much nearly as I did in the past. My seeds of loveliness (refers to writing what I do enjoy) Writing helped me to explore my goals , put them to words, my made up dreams- to paper-writing. I'm passionate and have embraced my love for writing. (just not as much anymore) Because of doing so, as result. I have gone cold and heartless. The girl standing before me is myself. I have been defeated by life choices. I once stood tall. This is MY reality - and my awareness too it. Me verse the old me. Forgetting of my passion my love to feel optimistic. Of letting certain life decisions leave me for worse. Is that hard to understand???
Comments
Good. The title can show more meaning. You can always do better this. Thanks for the poem.
Poems can either be ballads, or they can just be symbolizing something deeper than whats really written(like the poems of Robert Frost)
But, they are all supposed to have a general them within them, that is, the thing that they're trying to say.
You can describe this them differently along different stanzas of the poem, but in the end, it must all add up to one single story.
Well, the above poem seems to have no theme at all...
First you were a writer, then you saw some girl and finally you are haunted by another girl with your face...
Well, it just makes no sense..
I dnt mean to sound rude here, but im just stating the frank truth to you.
I suggest that you maintain a single story in your poem.
Like if its about a girl, make it entirely about her.... maybe about the feelings she instilled in you, how she looked. Just make the poem ABOUT her, thats it.
You seem to have quite an imagination
If you use it properly, you can write great poems. So dont give up.
perhaps try not to rhyme so... obviously, if you have to at all. it kinda stifles the fluidity of the poem. otherwise, pretty good job
Not good.