poem does this make sense?
im fourteen, i made this up. does it just sound like a load of crud to you, or does it actually mean something? i cant decide. but basically, its about if you have had something really bad happen to you, and your world comes crashing down kind of thing.
Like a leaf on a tree, your content
when a sudden gust of wind will come and knock you off balance.
For a second, you hover in the air unsure of your thoughts
Until you realise your falling, and once its began it happens fast.
Just like a leaf, your head will spin round and round and you will spiral towards the ground beneath you.
Unknown feelings and unfamiliar sensations.
Before you know it, your on the floor, you hit rock bottom.
All you feel is a cold numb emptiness. Your body and thoughts are in different worlds.
There lays the leaf, quivering in the wet ground just a mess to passersby
People walk right over it, keep there head held high, they don't look down.
And in the blink of an eye, in the gust of a wind that once content autumn leafs life is turned upside down.
=S ??
Comments
Ewww....srry. What you have written is not poetry, it a bunch of horrible sentences combined in a strong attempt.
If it looked something like this...maybe...
Leaf on a tree is so content.
The wind knocks you off balance.
You hover in the air, with unsure thoughts.
Heading down spiraling around,
Till you reach the ground,
And soak there in your misery.
That's not even that good. lol. Try reading a lot of poetry before you write it, and you will develop your own style after a while. *smile.
I really like it. I mean the idea and concept is phenomenal and the images you are putting out there are really great. I have a hard time telling you to edit it because after I write poetry it feels wrong for me to do a lot of editing to it because poetry comes from the heart and the moment. I like your poem though. What you should do is keep experimenting with different forms of poetry and eventually you will find your groove and if your heart is really into it then you will come up with brilliant work! From the looks of it, I think you are on the right path. I agree with D L. Keep on writing
i'm 24. i've been writing poetry for 12 years. you're poem has a beautiful comparison to something that happens in nature. the feeling is clear and beautiful. the structure could use some improvement, but you learn through the years that structure could always use improvement. as a poet, i've evolved into a lyricist, so i like to have end rhyme, internal rhyme, repetitive rhymes and sounds, expansive metaphors and environmental comparisons especially the through the science of biology and animal behavior, but not excluding chemistry, astronomy, and physics.
great poetry does not happen over night, but if you practice your writing, evolve your mentality and keep re-writing, your writing will evolve to greatness.
ps: can't tell you how many times i've been the leaf
It sounds very good. and it is a bit long but that's good too
after " Your head will spin round and round you will spiral towards the ground ' Beneath you '. not sure that bit suits it 
otherwise its great 
Very nice. Its quite calm. Just, its a tid bit lengthy, you started losing my attention about half way, so I had to refocus. Please don't take that offensive, just,I kinda had to force myself to read it. Plus,I am glad I did. Keep writing
I get the idea and it is really cool! but it is a little langthy
check out mine!
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AhKmt...
it is badly in need of editing to be honest...