Polygamy, any real life experiances?
I am a Muslim American woman. My husband had another wife before he married me. I never thought this would be my life, and it is really hard for me to deal with being a second wife.
I met my husband and fell in love with him before I was Muslim and he never told me about his other wife right away. I knew before we got married, but when I fell in love it wasn't known to me. I was raised that this was wrong and I know it says it in the Quran, but this situation is still very hard for me.
His other wife doesn't live in this country but will be here someday and he will go see her someday. I cannot think of his doing the intamate things we do with anyone else but me. He was my first and I wish he was only mine.
He says he loves me more and i make him hapier than she does, but it wouldn't be right to divorce her and they have children together.
Serious, non judgemntal answers only, please. Any advice from anyone?
Comments
Sister: What di you write in your marriage contract? did you put any conditions????
If he was already married when he married you, then you are not his legal wife and under American law he has committed bigamy.
If he wants to have another wife along side you, then he does not love you.What he feels for you is not love. You will be just a sex object to give him pleasure and keep his house and you will be competing with his first wife on who will be the most obedient servant. The one essential feature of love and marriage is the wish for exclusivity. If this is missing then the whole thing is nothing but a social arrangement for sex.
You must walk away while the going is good. One day soon, after you have children it will be far more difficult or even impossible. You have the right to have a man who will love you and you alone. You only have one life. Do not sacrifice it for an alien culture you will never be happy with. Walk away and never look back. You had a narrow escape.
I wish that he had told you first... Now, no matter what I say you are going to marry this man. And that is okay. It seems to me that the major problem you have with this situation is his intimacy with his other wife. Do you enjoy intimacy with him? Then his intimacy with her does not affect his intimacy with you. What bothers you is not so much sharing him, you seem to have a problem with being compared to her... or not measuring up to her. He obviously has enough sexual appetite for you both. He obviously finds you both appealing.
He doesn't want to divorce her because he loves her too. He wants to add you to what he has, not take away from what he has.
My question is, "Where do you fit in in this family? Will he still answer to her needs when you need him? Will he leave your house to be with her? Can you handle him leaving your house to be with her? Can you be the woman he wants you to be? Can you answer to God for this?
Please understand... I am not telling you this is a wrong situation. I am asking you if this situation is right for you?
Peace and may the Hand of God be upon you.
He was very dishonest. I think you should leave him. Hopefully you don't have children together yet and you can make a clean break. You will save yourself so much heartache ending it now instead of when her and the children come.
Good Luck!