My real dad?
Ok, well I'm 15 and I don't know who my real dad is and although I have a 'dad', I stil would like to know who my biological dad is. I haven't known that my 'dad' isn't my real dad for long, Its been about 4 months since I have known. When me and my friend fell out for good, 'cause I told her straight one day, she didnt like it and I think she thought by writing me a note in maths,trying to backstab me, by saying she knew something about me and my dad would make us be friends again. Anyway she said come outside and I will tell you but I told her no I didnt want to talk to her, so when I got home I showed my mom the note she wrote me and she called me down and she was crying and blurted it all out. I have asked my mom once who my dad is and she said she can't remember, however I think she may just be saying that because earlier before I asked she said my 'dad' thought I would hate him for it and wouldn't want to know him. So I know nothing about him, like his name, birthday, etc. And I'm too scared to ask incase she might think I don't want to know my 'dad' that I'v got now. So I'm wondering is there any other way I could find out, which I doubt there is but still, if you know anything please tell me, it would help alot.
Thankyou
xo
Comments
Tell her she has a moral obligation to tell you who her father is. Tell her you wont judge her and make sure you dont. You have a right to know who he is. Tell her you know she wants to protect you but you are growing up now and you can handle it. Make sure though before you say that that you can handle anything she tells you. If you dont think you can then dont ask.
What you need to do is sit down and have a serious talk with your mom. No notes, no rumore nothing. Be honest and tell her the fact that you want to find your biological father has absolutely nothing to do with how much you care about the rest of the family. You love them all, they're family after all...but if this is really bothering you, you have the right to know! You deserve to know. Don't take No as an answer, tell her you'd like to know if you're a little like him, what he's like etc etc. You are, whether your mom wants you to be or not, a little piece of him too. You represent what your mother and he had at one point or another, isn't that a little important? Don't get mad, but just be honest. If she still doesn't say anything, try talking to your step father about it. Explain to him that it has nothing to do with him and maybe if he sees this he may tell your mom and convince her. Sometimes people need a little reassurance, and he might be able to give that to your mom in this situation.
Hope that helped.
I understand your pain. Kinda had the same experience.
I waited till I was 22 to find my biological dad. All I had to go on was a name. I had nothing else. Took me about two months of phone calls and searching, but I found him. Actually, first I found a man w/ the same name as him and went all the way across the country only to realize when I saw him that he wasn't my dad. But as fate was to have it he had received a piece of mail for my dad that had accidentally been delivered years before. He took it to the post office "as it was a small town" and my dads sister worked there. Therefore he knew her and he knew where to take me to find my dad. My dad literally lived only about 2 miles from him.
If it's meant to be it will be....... maybe wait until your an adult to find your biological father.
Your parents are just afraid, and you just have to understand that. Let your dad know that no matter what he is your dad. You just want to know where you came from. Your mother should tell you atleast your dads name.
If she really doesn't know then there isn't much you can do. Maybe someone else in your family may know who your biological father is....... I would still say wait til your an adult to venture down that road.
I know it's hard, but just be strong.
adult relationships can be complicated, I am sorry you found out about your biological dad this way, I think your mum is trying to protect you you have a dad who has been there for you for longer than you can remember. Wait for the right moment tell you love the dad who has been there for you but you would like to know just a few basic things about the biological one
Remember any man can be a father but it takes a special man to be a dad
explain to your mom that you have a dad that you love and that he's your 'real' dad. What you want to know is about the man who provided the other half of your chromosomes. Get her to start small, like hair color, eye color etc.... then wait a little while and ask something else like did he have a good sense of humor...... if you don't push and reassure her (and your dad) that it's curiosity only then maybe she'll be more forthcoming. Good luck sweetie. I know this must be a hard thing for you. Be patient with you mom and especially reassure her that NO MATTER WHAT you love her, have always loved her and will always love her.
Since your mom either dont know or wont tell, you will have to ask another member of your family or a friend of your moms that was around about the time she would have got pregnant. Ask your aunts or some of the older folks. Thats about the only way to get started. Good luck.
first of all...this so called friend is very cruel for telling you this....your mum has prolly worried herself sick as to how she may tell you in years to come, and that person you call a friend has just opened up a can of worms for you and your mum...i too didn't know who my dad was for 36 years, and when i found out who he was and actually met him it was not what i expected, the reason why your mum did not tell you about your bio dad is because she didn't want to hurt you, she may have her reasons to why she didn't tell you, maybe to protect you from him, he may be a good person, or he may be a bad person but your mum is not with him so she must have a reason why....the man who raised you is your dad...as for that girl in school...stay away from her...she's a spiteful little b!tch and had no rights telling you about your real dad...dump her....your mum will tell you in due time about your real dad, but please don't pressure her about it, she may have a good reason to why she kept him a secret all these years...if your real dad wanted to know you i am sure he would have been to see you by now....but leave it for now until your mum is ready to tell you, and don't go behind her back and try to find him, it will make matters worse...
you need to sit down and have a talk to your mom and dad now, and tell them that as much as you love them, you would like to know who your biological dad is. . that it won't change your love for your dad you have now. just remember though theres a chance he has another family and will not welcome you. i know i been through this myself and i was not welcomed. you dont know why your dad isn't around. maybe he didn't want a child, etc. why hasn't he made a effort to find you and know you? if you and your dad get along and you bothe love each other, then maybe you should leave it alone.sometimes its better to leave the past in the past.
speak to your mum and your step dad he should under stand how u fell and your mum will give you all the information about yr dad hope things get better for u x x x
give your mam time she might tell you later, this all came out in a rush and everyone needs time and space to reflect on what has happened, have you approached your friend, how come she knew and you didnt