Family disrespects how I raise my daughter?
The other day, my husband and I attended our nephew's birthday party. We were getting ready to eat and my SIL asked if my daughter, who is 14 months old, is allowed to have pizza. I said no. The last time we gave her pizza, she choked on it and turned blue. My SIL's daughter chimed up "No mom, she's not allowed to have ANYHTING", in a really snotty way. My SIL then proceeded to give my daughter pizza. My daughter, yet again, choked. Then my SIL started giving my daughter straight juice, and I told her it needs to be watered down half and half. She said "I've never done that with my kids, and they're fine."
I then had my older niece (2 kids), my SIL, their friends, and a few other people start harassing me saying "I never gave my child baby food, they went straight to table food".
It was disgusting, because there was a really chunky 6 month old eating pizza there, and all these kids, my SIL's, my older niece's kids, and the other kids are all really chubby.
Update:Regarding the sleep issue, I think it's great to have kids on a set schedule once they hit a certain age. My daughter is on a schedule and I told my mom to keep her on it, don't let her sleep past 4pm or you'll have her up until midnight. My mom didn't believe me, and she learned the hard way. My daughte stays on her schedule now.
Comments
Being conservative with your daughters eating habits is highly respectable in my opinion! I think more people should follow your example. Keeping junk food and sweets to a minimum(or none at all!) will follow her as a habit when she grows older and more independent. Same goes for TV watching habits and exercising. Everything.
You will be saying "I told you so" when their children are fighting obesity and yours knows to eat healthy without the nagging media telling her.
Be proud and "stuck up" in this case! And if they can't respect the rules you have set for her then don't bring her around until they do! Especially since this was for her saftey! CHOKING? If you daughter is still CHOKING on pizza and you SIL still gave her some.... How irresponsible! I would have removed myself from that party right away!
You keep doing your job as a mother the way you wish. Your SIL crossed the line in my opinion.
I think you're right. You're the parent and your wishes should be respected, no matter how strange they are, as long as they aren't child abuse. If they can't be trusted to follow your wishes, deprive them of the privelege of seeing your daughter. Tell them they can only visit her at your house, or at least feed her before you take her to them so she's full. Ask your SIL how she'd feel if you disregarded her cardinal rules with her kids. Maybe you should even do it so she knows how you feel. You have the right to stay by your daughter and take anything away from her (straight juice, etc) that she's not allowed to have. She's only a baby and certain foods could be dangerous for her -- what if she choked? It's not being overprotective if they're under 4, to watch everything they eat.
I get hassles about the sleep schedules i put my kids on from my inlaws as well. I tell them if everyone in this world did the exact same thing, this would be a boring place to live. I also just say this is what I think is best, and they have every right to raise their kids how they want, so why shouldn't I?
Meanwhile, my kids have extremely healthy sleep habits, where hers at 3, 8, and 11 rarely sleep on their own and wake up all the time and are always overtired. Case and point.
I used to let people walk all over me until I had my kids. I realized I'm the only one that can fight for them and guide them to do things, so I chime in now and stand up for what I beleive. GL!!
At a time when tempers have cooled, I would calmly tell your relatives that you realize they all have raised kids and have been able to make choices for their children's diets, health and habits. You and your husband have the right to make choices for your child and raise her the way you want. You're not saying your way is better than their way (though I would have to agree that yours is a better way), but it's what you want for your child and they need to respect it.
If they give you a hard time or act nasty about it, you may have to stand up for yourself even further and tell them, if they are not going to respect you as parents and let you raise your child the way you see fit, then you aren't going to allow them around your baby. It's harsh, I know, and I wouldn't go there unless it got extreme. But you sound like one of the few parents who actually has an understanding of what is healthy and appropriate for a child - who gives a 6 month old pizza? They don't even have teeth yet!
Stick to your guns. Next time this happens, if they aren't listening to you, make the point. Say, "I do not want you to give my child _____," and if they don't respect you and your husband, pick up your daughter and walk out the door.
Do you have support from anybody on this? Your parents? His parent? If the grandparents are on your side, then you have some backup if people start hassling you because you're actually making healthy choices for your daughter.
It is all about a balenced diet. I have the same problem with my in-laws, it is usually sleeping patterns that we argue about. It is up to you what your child has to eat! you need to make this clear. You have proved them right though with the baby food thing though as baby food isn't chunky enough and they take a long time to get used to chunkier food. Hence why she chokes on Pizza. My daughter was on home made food from 6 months, she has done well with her chewing and has never, ever choked,. Just something to think about.
if your family continues to disregard your wishes, do not let them have your daughter alone and when you are with her over there, if they do something against your wishes - leave. Tell them, i am her mother and if you can't respect that, we're not going to be here.
By the way, i totally agree with you on not giving your daughter pizza and other unhealthy foods yet. The sooner you start them on it, the more they will want it.
Good Luck!
No you are not overreacting, you could mention that it is not you who respects these eating habits but society in general, or at least the ones who care about the health of their kids. you could also mention that their kids are overweight and will have health problems in the future. be firm about it and if they think you are overreacting F*** them off and say it's you child and that you wouldn't give their kids things if they didn't want you to and ask for a bit of respect. good on you! congratulations on being a good mum
you are an example for much of today's society.
Your child is exactly that. Your child, you decide their foods, their school, and help shape their habits. No one should ever question that, especially if you are trying to instill good habits like healthy eating. You are not wrong at all in saying she is not to have pizza, especially at such a young age. However, when your child grows, the ocassional comfort food such as pizza should be allowed.
knowing me, I would have ended up in a big argument with SIL! if i said no to giving her pizza, i would have also told SIL why not. then if she proceeded to do so even if i had of said no, and she chocked, thats when the argument would have started with i f***ing told you so. but also, i know where your coming from coz i have a similar prob with my MIL, but when it comes to parties, i let my son have something that he doesnt normally have. my parents never let us have softdrink, chips, lollies etc except for if we went to a party and even then most of the time, we never pigged out on it coz we didnt really like it.
next time if i were you, id stick up for myself. she's your daughter, you raise her to how you want to and if they have a prob with it, tell them where to stick it. what's more important............your daughters health as well as yours and your husbands or getting along with family?
and what did your husband do or say about the situation?
would he defend you or his family?
14 months and allowed to have pizza? huh? that really does not sound kosher at all