Do I have a mental disorder?
Okay, so, this is just going to be weird no matter how I word this. I am not sure if it's normal, and I would like some help. For years, likely all my life now, I have had some odd tendencies. Firstly, I like to walk around a lot, like in circles and imagine things. I like to think I'm in a better place or in a worse place depending on how I feel. I also am extremely odd about some things, such as certain words or names and the way certain things look to me. But as strange as these tendencies are, they inspire me to write stories and poems about the characters I want to be or meet in my imagination and no one knows about these things except me, which was really hard to explain and confess to say the least. And some things really bother me. For instance, a small but very deep hole in my living room would freak me out because of the way it looks. Also, I fear bugs and spiders extremely. I once drowned a moth and then tried to bring it back to life because I kind of felt bad for it.. but then I couldn't. And then I got really sick and I was very sure it was because the moth's last wish had been to curse me.. So I then prayed to the moth overlord for forgiveness. I don't believe in any kind of greater being, but I felt it was necessary for my survival. I do understand it was really stupid but that's just me. I also get very depressing thoughts sometimes; like I'll have withdrawal from not spending time with friends. I also have a sense of worthlessness and boredom. I can also hear small thoughts in my head that are like voices that express or say random things. I can get scared by small noises sometimes and other times they don't bother me. I have considered suicide because I am not happy and I am pretty sure there's something wrong with me and I couldn't deal with being retarded or something.. I would really just like to clear up some of the problems I have.. do I have a mental disorder or disability..? I'm scared about it.. is there any way to fix it..?
Comments
I think you are unique and creative. From the way you write your thoughts you seem very stable but sensitive too which can be a good thing in certain sectors eg creative writting, poetry, etc
You have great imagination, put your thoughts in paper and write a story ( I loved the spider incident LOL)
If you have no friends it's because you are sensitive and different but in a good way.
If you are very young (as I think you may be) steer yourself to creating something with that great imagination of yours. If you are an adult same thing
Bottom line: Don't let anyone convince you that you are crazy. This world needs different people to make it more colorful and interesting
Seems you are one of those people
PS: If the small voices in your head bother you, ask for help from a professional
I'm sorry that you're suffering so much. It is imperative that you talk with a licensed mental health professional to get the proper assessment and find out about your symptoms. You should tell the licensed counselor or psychiatrist about the thoughts or voices that you're noticing. Please do not be so concerned about whether or not you have a disorder but instead that you seek treatment for those issues.
If you're thinking of suicide, here is a toll-free 24-Hour helpline: 1-800-273-8255
No i do not think you have a mental disorder to me you seem very creative and just need to learn to express yourself never consider suicide the world needs more people like you, take in what you have and write those stories the best authors out there seem a little crazy but they are just fascinating.
you are not weird at all
and i pray for bugs too that i have killed no big deal.