Does this paragraph scream vampire?
I'm writing a book and this chapter gives you a hit that Benjamin is something that isn't human. He's an angel, just in case you are wondering, but a different kind of angel and when he goes into the sunlight he turns invisible, because he is just mainly a soul that people can see.
Benjamin decided to skip the last period. Something in his stomach told him not to go near her again. His reason for being here on earth was to either kill her or bring her to Lucifer and he knew there was no way to get back onto his home after he was banned. He tried a few minutes ago to kill her, but she turned around getting from his grasp. Gripping the emerald that was around his neck, he ran. His heart pounded to the beat of his feet racing over the hard ground. Sweat beaded his forehead, causing his black hair to cling to it as his throat ached for air, more air. The delicious rush of wind pasting his face thrilled him. His muscles stretched, pushed harder. He did not know where he was going, but it had to be far away from here.
He ended up in the cemetery, surrounded by big, old, bare trees that look dead. The ground covered in leaves crunches with every foot step and seems to echo in the deserted quiet cemetery. Ice forming on the branches could snap them with a loud resounding crack at the perfect moment. All of these things combined would start to fray Benjamin's nerves maybe making him rush and trip. The kind of thing that seems really creepy in the moment but when you look back on it you can't find a particular reason why you were scared just an uncomfortable feeling and maybe the hair standing up on the back of your neck. But this wasn't just an uncomfortable feeling, it was a warning. He could tell in the pit of his stomach that someone was following him. The crack of a stick verified that it was true.
“Who’s there?” He demanded, turning quickly around. He was under a tree, in the darkness protection. He could not let himself be in the sun or else, he’d be exposed for what he is.
Comments
why yes, yes it does...
at least to me it does! maybe you should clarify the fact that he will turn invisible and not burn to death like a normal vampire. or maybe you should hold that feeling where everyone thinks he is a vamp. and surprise them later in the story
Vampire is a type of bat that feeds on the blood of sleeping animals. It lives in tropical areas. Some idiot started thinking that vampires were human like creatures and more idiots started creating stories and films about them lol.
too obvious... jk. like it.