i wrote a sad poem. feedback plz?

I regret the way I've been living my life.

There's so much more I should've done,

So much I should've said,

But I didn't because

I thought no one would understand.

That was my ultimate dream

Ever since I turned eight.

It was a very simple dream,

To be understood by people and

To have friends like everyone else.

But I was just a toy

For most of my schoolmates!

Now I'm ashamed of myself.

I used to be such a doormat!

They teased me,

Pushed me aside,

Used me when they wanted to be entertained.

And I let them.

Then when I turned eleven,

I decided to stop being such a doormat.

A seemingly cold, heartless, stoic teenage anime boy

Became my role model.

I pushed all my emotions aside,

Ignored them till I almost forgot how to feel,

Kept my distance from everyone,

And became a very quiet, isolated and violent person.

I started listening to metal music.

People were scared of me.

I liked the feeling,

The feeling that the slave

Had now become the ruler.

I hated everyone,

Despised them with all my heart.

I soon learned to become stoic

And turned my emotions to a big block of ice.

When I turned twelve,

I got tired of being stoic.

I let them see my emotions again.

It didn't make much difference.

Most of my emotions

Had already flown right out of my head!

I was still a very violent person.

I still got angry sometimes.

But that was it.

I had destroyed everything else.

Everything else

That I once consisted of.

When I struck thirteen,

My emotions were brought back

By some mysterious force.

I would say 'god',

But I lost all faith in god

When I was nine.

Only a few emotions were brought back, though.

The emotions called regret, depression and bliss.

If someone insults me,

I don't care.

If someone hits me on the head,

I don't care.

If I almost get run over by a truck,

I don't care.

If I feel horrible after a sleepless night,

I don't care.

If my birthday is coming,

I don't care.

I regret the way I've been living my life,

For I've destroyed the most important thing in it.

That thing is

What I used to call 'me'.

Update:

@Dee♥: I'm not blaming my schoolmates in any way. it was my own damn fault for ignoring my feelings instead of just getting used to it or something. and my school's nursery-12, so my 'schoolmates' were actually children, teenagers and adults!

Comments

  • すごい物語お兄ちゃん

  • This is very sad bc as we all know, children can be so mean.

    But you survived and still have plenty of time to 'start over' and

    begin to heal. and know that God IS there and He does care, and

    can help you if you let Him. You must first trust and believe in Him.

    Life isn'r always good and fair, but decide to start as if you care and

    you will find that He is there if you ask Him. Anyway, good poem/write.

    If you need someone to talk to, I will listen. Please do not give up.♥

  • this is depressing... ;-; i love it

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