Marriage problems - please advise?
I have told my parents about marriage problems that I have been having, well i have told my brother over the phone and he is going to tell my parents but im scared now that I have let everything off my chest about my problems. I cant talk to my husband as he doesnt communicate with me. Can refuse to go back to my in laws if I dont want to?
I married my 1st cousin and we both made that decision 3 months ago. It was suppose to be the happiest day of my life but he wasnt very happy. I didnt confront him as I didnt want to argue in the first stages of marriage, also he doesnt touch me and we havent even had sex. what kind of marriage is this without any love connection? I have done everything I can to make this marriage work and has changed my ways and practise more islam than i used to but he doesnt appreciate this. Any probs he goes to his mum.
Comments
Sister, I'm a guy. I understand such abt such types of reaction from men. In my opinion, marrying cousins is never a good option. Because i've seen most of them failing. Didnt you know what type of nature he possessed?..When you said that he goes to his mum after everything, This thing clicked into my mind "Aha! His mother controls him and tells him to do stuff"...
Such people are nt good sister. What wud be a marriage when there's not even any sort of communication. Sister, you need to get seperated from him. I'm sorry for saying that. I'm saying all of this because something similar, but waaay worse happened with a cousin of my friend. You might get teary if I told you what happened with her....
Sister, my best advice is to you is that you may perform Istikhara, ask Allah SWT for help, dont lag behind ur husband like that...
Sister, May Allah SWT help you...and do perform Istikhara cos thts the best thing u can opt for...
Let me know if you need any sort of help sister..
Jazak Allah.
EDIT - I kno that females, in cases of marriages compromise alot, but in this case (im saying this from all my heart) I do not think if you'll gain something....Sister, those are the decisions of life, you must perform Istikhara before to get help for what your're gonna do...
Baji ji, I am very sorry to hear your marriage problem. The most marriage are like that on and off. I am married for 1 year and 4 months hamdullallah so we always went like on and off as I mean once we argument and other time we making a love. He is also my cousin.
I don't know what up to your husband. I am sure there must be something reason that he don't communicate with you. I also know that your husband doesn't love you in that way. Try to sit with him and talking with him very nicer way and ask him what situation problem he have. Ask him a question as much you can. Which you think it important you to ask.
Beware, it might be somebody have put the black magic on your husband as it happen load people have a problem over the moneys, the marriage, the house, the relationship, can't have a baby and etc. You need to find out about it if he have or not.
Inshallah Allah (SWT) will be fix your marriage work and give plenty love between you and your husband, Ameen,
Baji...
Let me tell you were the problem is EXACTLY:
"I didnt confront him as"
Okay here is where the problem is, marriage is NOT always happy lovey dovey stuff you have to be realistic, there will be problems but the key is to communicate about how both of you are feeling and what both of you want and what both of you are happy and sad about.
So you really need to start asking him in a nice way why he is not treating you well.
Also what you will want to do is start making yourself look extra good in the house, start wearing HOT clothes and making yourself look generally HOT so that he is aroused by you and it will make him want you. Being religious does not mean you have to be boring. So spice up your lives by at least looking good for each other and smelling good etc.
hope this helps.
Well, this is the first step, confiding in your family was a good idea, you don't want to keep anything inside. Do you think you could stay at your family's until you both decide what to do next? I don't think he was ready for this marriage so maybe you should give him time on his own to decide what he wants to do. If your family is ok with you divorcing him, and nothing changes, I think this would be the best course of action as you want a husband not a companion.
Salaam...if he is not a cultural muslim (I seek refuge from Allaah for myself from this, ameen), then let him know ... frankly... how the Prophet (saws) lived with his wives (ra). If he is too shy.....then you should take the lead, although that can lead to problems later...but hopefully, that will make him more comfortable. I am very shy myself, but there is a praised and good shyness...and then, there is a shyness where you don't seek knowledge, don't go to the mosque, don't forbid evil and encourage good, don't have relations with your wife/wives, etc...this is not right, because it was not the sunnah..the blessed way of the best man, Muhammad (saws).
If he is a cultural muslim, and does not want to straighten his act, by firstly becomming a good proper muslim....which means he would communicate with you, etc etc.....then I would suggest divorce. Life is too precious and short to waste it.
An advice to other sisters.......make the right choice, bi-ithnillaah, BEFORE marriage. Choose the pious brothers, not others, and be pious yourself. Then, you will be successful insha'allaah.
Salaam.
whatever happens think carefully about the situation. Dont have any kids with this guy whilst this is going on. If the first 3 months are not good, it looks likely that it will get worse and worse.
Try to figure out why he is not sleeping with you as u are his wife, it could be:
1. he loves another woman
2. he doesn't love another woman but does not love you
3. he is gay
4. he is impotent
try to figure out your feelings for him. If you do love him, try to win him over. buy some sexy underwear, get your hair done and get fit by going jogging.
For most men, a womans devotion to God (in your case Allah) is not something that's going to turn them on.
Try my suggestions and if it doesn't work at least you'll know you have tried everything b4 leaving him.
Best of luck, you sound like a lovely person.
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Marriage problems - please advise?
I have told my parents about marriage problems that I have been having, well i have told my brother over the phone and he is going to tell my parents but im scared now that I have let everything off my chest about my problems. I cant talk to my husband as he doesnt communicate with me. Can refuse...
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How to check for computer addiction. While you know he is gone, open the inside of this computer and unplug something he would have a hard time seeing. (if your really pissed just cut something) Anyway turn it on check to see if it errors.. If so your good to go. He will spend countless hours trying to figure out what is wrong. What is sad, is the fact he will spend countless hours diligently searching for an answer to the problem. While the more important parts of his life are being ignored. You can use this as wake up call for him by fixing it while he is gone and telling him why you did it and that the computer is more important than our family. Or you can just do this and laugh.
Maybe cause times have changed...yes even in your culture and religion. The thought of you being his first cousin probably disgust him so he thinks the less communication the better. If your not comfortable asking him what the problem is, write it in a letter. Or tell his mum since he is always running to her because she is only seeing one side to the marriage which is through his eyes. Your situation sucks there is not much I or anyone else can say. Even though it is permitted in Islam and looked at highly in other cultures; in this day in age I would never recommend someone marry their first cousin- its too familiar territory and there seems to be issues as I have seen before. You also say he does not practice Islam as he should which is also a bad sign. If he can not commit to his religion- to Allah; then how can he commit himself to you. This is why before you or anyone agrees to marry anyone they should be sure that the individual is a pious Muslim rather than looking at their beauty, culture and wealth
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