My parents give me no privacy?

So basically my parents give me no privacy at all:

-They come in my room suddenly without knocking and just burst in every time (sometimes my mother purposely tries to creep up to my room to catch me off guard)

-My parents go through ALL of the stuff in my room. No exaggeration, literally no corner of my room is left alone under the context they're 'cleaning' my room. (In fact my mother is always excusing me of stealing her things the moment she cannot find something and uses this as an excuse to look through my things, even if it's something as small as a bobby pin or pair of socks)

-Although they don't do it often (probably because I barely use my phone) they sometimes demand to look through my private messages and I get no choice in this. Last month my mother forced me to let her look through my FB messages because my friend cancelled on me last moment and she thought it was my fault

-Sometimes out of nowhere they search through my bag. Everytime I go out my mother looks through my bag even though she knows I've only got essentials

- My dad has a programme on my laptop that monitors and reports back my activity to him so he can see everything I do on my computer

The list goes on, and to add to this they're incredibly controlling, I can't do anything without being bombarded with questions (seeing friends or even going down to get a glass of water). They always blame me for things and criticize me. If I go out they leave me tons of calls and texts if I don't reply once.

Update:

I have never done anything extreme in the past. I'm the younger sibling, I have fairly good grades and i'm well behaved in and out of school. I'm a little lazy and messy, sometimes forgetful. But i'm not a bad child, except in my house where i'm the 'problem' child because I challenge my parents if I think they're wrong, unlike my 'perfect' sister who in all honesty has no backbone when it comes to my parents. I'm a little off-track in school due to the jump, but i've improved significantly

Comments

  • Wow! That's seriously controlling and really way over the top!

    Have you given them any reason to do this? What do they think you're going to do?

    It really sounds obsessive and needs to be addressed.

    Could you get a neutral person, like a family friend or adult relative to mediate between you and agree a compromise? They should explain why they're behaving like this and you also need to tell them how it makes you feel. You have to get them to talk to you about their reasons, fears and feelings, and try to ease up.

    You're growing up, and they have to let you do so. And that means taking responsibility for yourself, being safe, keeping some things private, and not being treated like a tiny kid or a prisoner.

    I'm a mother myself, so I know how worrying it is when you have a teenage child. But it's wrong and bad parenting to try to control them like you describe.

    Maybe you could show them this letter and the replies you get, and discuss it sensibly and calmly one day?

    Good luck!

  • Good luck to your parents if they want a relationship with their daughter and too all the people that agree with there behavior well... good luck to you too.

    This behavior is extreme and is childish at the least. Psychologically speaking, this type of behavior has been shown to cause anxiety and trust issues for children.I'd personally confront them on their behavior. What your dad is doing sounds at least normal, if not a smidgen over protective. But your mom's behavior of accusing you of "stealing" her items is down right bizarre.

    I'd personally would speak to an adult you trust about this, such as a teacher or a consuelor. I feel like calling your mom out on her behavior would just enrage her.

  • You are a child and don't need or deserve privacy. Its their house and they can go into any room they want since they own everything in the house. A child can't own any proeprty and you have no right to stop them from entering the room

    They dont need to knock. Ever. You clearly are doing things you know you shouldn't do hence the reason why you dont want them in the room

    Your parents can go through your stuff if they want and you have no say in this what so ever since you are a child and a child can own nothing at all.

    They own the phone too. You can't own it and can't stop them from taking it and selling it or looking through it, Sounds like you are doing things you knwo you shouldn't and are trying to hide it

    They can search your bag too. Again you can't own it and can't stop them

    Same with the laptop. you can't own it and can't stop them from making sure you are not on porn sites and the like

    You shoudl be GRATEFUL you get 20$.

    Move out if you don't lie it but since you are a child you will be dragged back home by the cops.

  • Well if you live in the U.S. and are under 18, there is nothing you can do, if you leave, they can have law enforcement bring you back. There is nothing they are doing that is deemed as child abuse or neglect. They are extremely invasive, I do agree with that. Have you done anything in the past the cause them to be this way or are they naturally extreme in the watching of you. If you haven;t ever done anything to cause them to be this way then you need to attempt to have an open talk with them and let them that you feel that they don;t trust you and they have no reason to feel this way and that its unfair for you to be subjected to this. Studies have proven that the more strict a parent is with their child, the more likely that child is to commit crimes when they grow older. If they are the unreasonable type who give you the excuse of "we are your parents we make the rules and you follow them" you may need to bring in a 3rd party to help talk to them. Talk with your school counselor if they cant help you directly they will be able to refer you to someone who can. This level of privacy invasion can become extremely damaging to your social abilities. But most important is keep yourself under control. Don't begin lashing out and deliberately breaking their rules, this will lead to alife of crime and or drug use (ive seen a lot of friends turn to thi when they had over controlling parents) keep yourself as a smart respectful teenager

  • Well you are under 18 and still have to follow the rules of the house. IF you are unhappy with the rules in the house, once you turn 18 and out of school, move out.

  • Well it won't be forever. If you're under 18, then they can basically do whatever they want with 'your' stuff, since technically it's their stuff since you're in their care.

  • They love you and want to make sure that you are not doing anything that will effect your future

  • are u 8 years old so talk like adults and not any more like crying kindergartenchild

  • maybe you should go live with your friends, you might have more fun there

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