Does a casual relationship turn into a serious one?
Hi everybody. I am gay-28 years old and I hang out a guy about 2 months. Before meeting we mentioned that we were not searching sex. When we first met, we had sex and he wanted us to see each other again. In these 2 months we saw each other about 13 times. We had sex also, but not every time. He was preparing his state exam. When he became a lawyer, we had a dinner the day after. It was interesting because he did not celebrate it with his best friends even if he had a chance to do it. After this meeting he said that it was very important me to not to be a pushy guy. Then he talked about that he had a serious job and about his responsibilities to his work. He also presented me his best friend in a dinner. We kept messaging and talking in msn everyday. After sixth date, he said that he needed a little bit casual thing, not more! and that it is implicit that I would want to see him every time and it would disturb him. I have never said that I wanted to see him everyday. He says that he doesn’t like that I become nervous when we cannot see each other or he cannot come in to my friend’s party etc. Then we were agreed about this casual thing and we ended the discussion.
We are messaging everyday, chatting on msn every evening since the day we met. We are making social things also except sex. But when we are together, we are like couples. I wanted to see how we move. In the same time, he keeps talking and trying to date with the other people. But I think we are not casual anymore. He sends me messages in an unexpected time by asking how I am. He shares his all privacy with me. He responds me by kissing from my lips since last 3 times when I go to his flat to have a dinner and finally last time he took my picture to put on the mirror in his bedroom. I cannot understand how much casual we are. Then 2 days ago I said that I could not understand what you meant saying that he needed a more casual thing. He said that It would be better to talk about it face-to-face.
We drank something yesterday night and he said that i could stay with him. We slept together but no sex. He kept behaving to me as his boyfriend. Holding me tight, trying to feel me..This morning finally i asked that there was something wrong. Because he started to not kiss me. He said everything is OK but he should have said something to me. He says that he doesn't want any relationship, because he works too much and he has not much time. His impression is that I have feelings for him and I want a relationship. I have never mentioned it. OK, we are good when we are together but instead of this I have never said that I wanted a relationship. we're still going casual as he wants. Then he said that he might be wrong. He is saying that he likes me too much, I am sympathetic and he spends good time with me..I kept saying the same things.
Can anyone explain me what I can do??? What's wrong with this guy? Does his causality mean that “OK, I like you too much, but let’s go slowly and let us not think any relationship now???
Comments
It sounds like he's falling for you but he's afraid of commitment. Either that or he's not completely "out" (either to others or to himself) and he thinks that if he's just screwing around it's okay but if he falls in love then he has to really accept that that's how things are. I mean, it's also possible that he's just too busy and doesn't want to compromise on his job at all, but realistically, if I had to guess, it sounds like he's just afraid of commitment.
As to what you do about that, really, it depends on what you're comfortable with. You have to decide what you want from this relationship and, more importantly, what you *need* from this relationship, and then talk to him about whether he can do that for you -- whether you can come up with an arrangement that gives you both everything you need and some of what you want. If so, then great. It doesn't have to fit into any tidy kind of relationship "slot" that society tells you there is. If you have have something loving but casual, that's great. Something passionate but occasional, fine. As long as you're both okay with it.
On the other hand, if you can't come to an agreement that makes you both happy, then maybe it's time to move on.
The best thing for you to do is to just go with the flow. As once in my life i was in ur shoes with a guy who's divorced and have two kids. he doesnt want any relationship between us before, because of his issues a bad past from his ex wife. and also he is not from here in my country he only goes here for projects that hes trying to build up, so he thought that time we should protect ourselves from getting hurt, as i was young when i met him i was 21 and he was 40. Then as time passed by, me not mentioning or even asking for a relationship, i was doing fine because i also understand his situation and i dont want to get hurt too, everytime he wants to meet, i am there, even its midnight or even ive wait for too long just to see him. We enjoy eachother so much. of course whenever we are together we are like couples. we enjoy sex and we have open communication. He can go out whenever he wants and i too, its like open relationship, but i know that this guy likes me too much already, but still im not putting all my goodies in his basket. i dont want to push him away. After 1 yr. of being casual/open relationship wit him..His kids went here for Holidays and we went to a nice vacation place. It was exactly newyears eve when he said The very first time he said to me the words "I LOVE YOU". now, we are engaged and soon to be married when i get there in US before xmas. As for you, U just need to be happy and enjoy every minute of it. Dont expect too much, and still be yourself, enjoying the things u enjoy doing without him. Be a number one friend to him, just go wit the flow. Dont let him see negative things from u like u will just kill the mood and every moment u two will share. He is just being fair to u, he got a lot on his plate rightnow and he doesnt want to have a girl and be unfair to her by not having enough time. He obviously likes u and if he will choose someone to be his Girl it is you.=)
i think of that he needs to be open, yet additionally needs the convenience of a relationship. Having a photograph of you up does tutor that he cares approximately and that he does pass over you whilst he would not see you, yet he additionally seems to choose the liberty of being single. I recommend you take care of it casual too. merely evaluate it as 2 adult males who prefer to have exciting with one yet another... at circumstances!
He's confused give him time and PLEASE stop jumping into sex like that...too many bed pigs out there....be careful and don't count on him as your one and only....keep it casual until he figures his life out....don't be so available....