Serious Psychological Grudge Problem?

Well basically I have a grudge on John which I cannot control, when he was possibly my only friend I really had in Year 11 it was a very unhealthy relationship. In school he would ignore me after 2 and a half years always being with me and then suddenly ditches me... In year 12 I was in 6th and made great friends with Tom who is Johns best mate but John is fake and talked behind his back and Tom saw it on my Fbc and they fell out.. I became very close to Tom and enjoyed the relationship and I started talking freely to everyone. becuase I told Tom the truth when John said he was a fake friend

John is a control freak in my opinoun and possibly why he was my only friend in Year 11 as he is toxic. Famous quote "after everything i've done for you" over little things when I dont recall anything him really doing :S He would always give me long advice which I must take and I am unable to have a say even if I completely disagree and if I do he would get angry and just install what he thinks into my brain and if we have an argument he will ALWAYS win with always the last say talking so much which possible brainwashes me into thinking his correct. He even says I got Tom as a friend because of him John inviting me to go gym with both of them but infact its cause we went same 6th form and is annoyed that I told the truth when John said Tom is a fake friends becuase I told Tom the truth when John said he was a fake friend and Tom got annoyed with John and told me stuff that John said about me, how he moans and says im gay because i apparently do weird stuff

This year: John quits his college and comes to 6th form and now i've got into a sticky situation where I have to hang out with both of them but the feeling in my body feels me with agitation the thought of John as he always moans at me and leaves me out the conversation and even said he was jealous of me and Tom's friendship and you can tell he is unimpressed when I have a laugh with Tom as he gets VERY jealous. The thing is my conversations are so fake with John he always says I love you man and im his bro ******* with my mind. I told him I have a grudge on him but I said it was because of one argument and he didnt knock for me to go to a party that day which made me feel like crap and i said i forgave him because i wanted the grudge to go back but i was too scared saying i think your toxic and i hate the way you are and the grudge didnt go away.

Basically John is unavoidable because I am not losing Tom !!! and in the 6th form everyone hangs around with everyone so thats practically my social life ruined because John is always around and I just need advice on how to control the grudge because without Tom without all those laughs without those deep convos and without getting invited out , it then feels like im nothing so i really need advice, thank you. Basically I want to take the grudge off and not be bothered by jealousy and able to hang out with him... the thing is because Tom is cool John bumsucks him you can see glimpses of his control freak personality but he never overpowers it and you can tell John uses the same phrases and tone of voice as Tom so he clearly likes him and wouldnt want to lose him but Tom really never gets told what to do and John constantly tries to impress him. What I need is John to not be himself and realise im cool and try impress me and then I can just relax abit i dont want a personal relationship.

As I said John is unavoidable so please help me !! I really want to be a big brother contestant next year and its constantly on my mind as i think im a fun person who is immature and not easily embaressed and loves a good convo and it feels like his ruining my opportunity so that stresses me out even more making me feel miserable and unable to be myself. Thank you