How to deal with a depressed partner?
My boyfriend says he is depressed. He hurts himself and gets very angry/upset if I ask anything of him (for example to do housework). He says he feels like a loser or an idiot when I keep asking him to do the dishes - but then I feel entitled to ask if he doesn't do them more than a couple times a week and the kitchen is a mess. He is also always VERY tired to the point where he acts like a zombie and I really worry about him. He becomes very selfish when he is feeling down and doesn't see anything other than himself and his feelings. I don't have a go at him but I am concerned about him. I won't walk on egg shells but I want to help him. It isn't lack of sleep - he sleeps more than me but he really struggles getting out of bed in the morning and he moves like he is in slow motion. I don't know what to do now all we do is row because I am going through a tough time at work and my dad has recently had an operation so we are both stressed. I just can't work out what he has to be depressed about. I need to help him!! any advice would be much appreciated 
it has been most of our relationship - mostly when i ask something of him or get upset - he will get MORE upset. We have been together for years but even getting him to come on a weekend away with me feels like torture because I just get grunts and shrugs and when I am on my way out the door he wishes he came with me. When he DOES come with me he mopes the whole time we are out/away and it ruins my day because I just want to have FUN!! arghh x
Comments
Despite what has been said by one or two people on here, true depression is an illness. It is not a 'selfish' disease, but a proper illness. I can be awful seeing someone you love suffer with it.
The good news is that there is medication and therapy, to help the bad news is that your partner has to want to go and get well. He needs to see his GP and take the help on offer.
Have you tried talking to his Mum and Dad and maybe do a family intervention? Your only other choice is to give him a ultimatum. Either he gets help, or you leave.
Good luck.
One of my parents suffered from depression and I was in a relationship with a depressed person. I have also had several friends who have had it. I'm not unusual and neither are you... It is a very common problem.
From what I have seen, it is very, very difficult to be in a relationship with a depressed person. One of the other commenters mentioned that it is a selfish condition, and I would agree 100%. I am usually a pretty generous, forgiving person in my personal relationships, but I would never, ever get into a relationship with a depressed person again. I have seen people stuck in those relationships and they strike me as having thrown their lives away. It never gets better.
That said, it could be that your boyfriend is only temporarily depressed. If this is a one-off problem (he has never had it before) and if it has an end, then maybe it would be worth sticking it out. Everyone goes through bad times once in a while. But think carefully... How much of your relationship has he spent like this? If most of it, get out of there. If this is a problem that keeps happening, get out of there.
My guess is that you would feel guilty about dumping your boyfriend because you don't want to abandon him in his time of need. And--be honest with yourself--maybe you like feeling needed by him...
But you know what... You don't need to live unhappily to be a good person. You can help him with his issues as a friend. Also, depression doesn't get your boyfriend off the hook for taking responsibility for himself and for his relationship. He is an adult. Therefore he needs to take responsibility and make an effort to get over his problem. He should be seeing a therapist/doctor. He should be trying to get things done around the house. If he is not doing these things, get out of there. He should be making an effort to help you with your issues.
Some people refer to depression as a "disease." It is a real problem. But it is not a disease in the same sense that AIDS or cancer are diseases. Often people who use the word "disease" for depression are making excuses for treating others badly and doing nothing to help themselves. Whether you agree with me on that or not, life is so much more fun to be with someone who is a partner, not a patient. Don't be like my mother and realize in your old age that you've wasted your life dealing with a depressed person who can't function in a relationship. Good luck.
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Look, if he has been like this for most of your relationship, then that is what you can look forward to. People usually don't change. In fact, bad habits usually get worse over time. In your "additional details," he simply sounds like a selfish jerk, depression or not. "Depression" is not a magic word that forces you to devote your life to a jerk.
For God's sake, don't waste your life looking forward to the day when he gratefully tells you that you've saved him (or whatever fantasy you're hoping for). If you stay with him, you will miss out on so much and you'll probably end up depressed yourself. I would get right out of there.
You have a real crap load going on in your life right now and he isn't helping. If he is clinically depressed he needs to get on medication and get therapy. I know he is having problems doing anything but if he refuses to even try to get help then there is nothing you can do but take care of yourself. Yes some people do not respond to antidepressants well, either they do the opposite or have no effect but he won't know until he tries. Insist he get help because he is wasting his life and making yours difficult too. If he refuses then you need to decide it he is worth hanging onto when he is never going to do anything for himself or dump him and find someone who will care about themselves and you.
Sounds like a major depressive episoode. Seek professional help immediately, you do not have to have a reason to be depressed, our brains are just wired that way. If you love him be his backbone while he makes it through this hell. If you are afraid for his life or health find resources in your area. READ ABOUT DEPRESSION, it's all over the internet, understanding this disease will help you cope and be able to have a better grip on what's going on with him. God bless, I hope he finds his reason to live.
I suffered with depression for years before I had any form of help, it used to make me so moody about literally anything and of course I would vent my anger / bitchyness out on boyfriends.
He sounds like a bit of a loser though, if he's not willing to help himself how can you help him?
i am depressed person like ur boy
but i even don't hav any gf like ur boyfriend.
So tell that stupid i am (u r ) with him and caring for him .. I even don't have someone who will care me..
Tell him that : atleast u have me.
Be happy go lucky.
Please don't leave ur boy for this reason he commit sucide..
Give him time
find out what he needs sex ? Or what? Or find out is he dating any other girl ..
Pray for him as well as me...
Get rid or you will have a miserable life.Depression is a selfish me,me,me illness.