My dad has cancer. How do I cope?
My dad had been losing a lot of weight this year so my mom made him get evaluated at the doctors. It turns out he has cancer. He is refusing to go back to the doctor now and seems to be either in denial or has already given up. It's causing me a lot of grief....
I'm not sure how to cope with this. I just turned 20 years old and I can't accept this right now. I love him a lot and I wanted him to be there to see me build a family of my own. I wanted my kids to grow up around him and I wanted the woman I marry to meet him. I couldn't ask for another dad he has been amazing. This is really depressing me. I don't want to lose my dad... He's my hero.
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I'm sorry your family is going thru this. My dad was diagnosed with cancer 6 weeks ago and he refuses to go to the doctor, also. My dad is 76 and an alcholic. I have cried, begged, pleaded, and used tough love, all to no avail. The bare bones of the matter is that this is your dad's call. You can't make him do anything....just love him. And tell you you love him. He may change his mind in the near future. Maybe he just needs some time to come to grip with his situation. But if he has made up his mind to do nothing, your pleading and asking him to go for treatment, is only going to make him feel bad about "letting you down." Ask him what HE needs from YOU, and be there for him. Hope something in my answer helps you in some way. God Bless.
Tell your father that you need him in your life. Tell him that he's too young to leave you yet and that you need his guidance and love. Try not to get too teary in front of him because stress isnt good for someone who is sick but tell him that if he will do treatment that you will be there for him and that he isn't the kind of man that gives up on life. Also you should look up alternative treatments such as The Gerson Therapy. Do nice things for him and make him as comfortable. Never act like there is no hope always talk about things like he's going to get better. Tell him you can't wait till he sees you get married and you can't wait till he holds your first child for the first time. The most important thing you can do for him though is be supportive. If he has a concrete reason for not wanting treatment then you need to support his choice. Never miss a moment with him and don't sweat the small stuff.
It seems to me that there is a lot of "I" in your question not much He or Dad.
You need to understand that Dad is the center of concern not the inconvenience that may be presented to your due to the cancer. You should be thinking of dad and what does dad need, want not YOU!
Understand your father and his perspectives, desires and wishes. You will never loose him if you keep him up front in your heart and remember him in the good times. Should he die do not show him what he will be missing or disappointment because he may not be there. Share each day with him like it is his last. Cherish the time allotted to you with out concern about what you want but how can you assist him in "his" time of trial. I wish him luck but he is the one who chooses where he will go from this point.
I want i'd desire to help yet you're actually dealing with as much as the inevitable. your dad has of course confronted this trauma in an exceedingly courageous way certainly and has had the flexibility to shelter you from his soreness.Utilise your anger via channeling it into some thing beneficial because of the fact in case you dont it is going to purely become a drain on you. regardless of you do, dont seek for solace in drink! that's a quick term crutch bit you dont choose me to tell you what harm it is going to do to relationships.talk to yor GP approximately your warfare to administration and dont ignore that having a toddler 8 weeks in the past you will experience like this besides! talk issues over which comprise your boyfriend regardless of if it merely helps HIM to comprehend. in case you all pull at the same time you would be a credit on your father and that's a tremendous tribute to a guy.seem returned on all your circumstances at the same time and understand that the affection you have for an added is all that concerns rather. you will locate power and braveness in your self that your father has in abundance and bypass that on your own toddler. good success.
The decision is your father's. If he doesn't want to go to the doctor, then that is his choice. It's something your mother needs to talk to him about.
Of course it's causing you grief! I would be concerned if you had no feeling whatsoever.
The way you cope is by taking it slow...one day at a time. You spend time with your father. Help take care of him. Talk to him, reflect on memories, look at photo albums, watch movies. The important thing is to spend time with him and help him to be as comfortable as possible and to make sure he knows you love him.
Life isn't about "I want this...I want that..it's all about me..." It's about the other people in your life. It's how you effect them and are effected by them. It's about relationships and getting as much out of life as possible every day.
Life is unpredictable. Something could happen tomorrow and you wouldn't be able to have the family you've always wanted. Anything could happen to any of us. You may not like it, but that is the way it is. So, you need to decide to live for right now..and that includes spending time with your father and cherishing every moment you have with him.
You say you can't deal with it...well, most people who are told they have an illness or are told they're going to die can't deal with it either but they HAVE to. There is no other choice. So, you need to deal with this as well. Talk to a therapist, your mother, etc. Go to support groups. Do what you have to do in order to get through it.
My father had cancer too...stage 4 skin cancer...for two years before he died in mid April this year. I couldn't handle it either...especially since he had cut me out of his life for the past 13+ yrs and then called me out of the blue in February to tell me about the cancer. I was given only a handful of times to see him before he died. I was cut out of his memorial and funeral. Few people gave me a second thought, just like him. That's why I get to deal with....and I'm dealing...slowly. So, yeah, I get it.
Ok first things first. Talk to him and share your feelings. Tell him what it will mean if only he fought this fight. There are millions of cancer diagnosed people yet most everyone fight. And guess what, they make it! You have got to tell him how his refusal for treatment is bothering you. Be very intimate with your dad. As for you, if you don't believe in God, you had better start believing, cause He will heal your dad from cancer and what not. Have hope and faith and seek God. I will be praying for you alright. Its going to be alright. Hang in there.
try being strong buddy!! i know dis news must have hurt u a lot, but remember even he must be very sad bout it!! you have 2 be mentally very strong.. he need you dude.. to be with him..
you might not be able to cure his cancer as u arent a doctor.. but you can make EVERY SINGLE SECOND of his life very special.. nd dis will keep even his spirits very high
tkcare.. nd be strong...
Is there a reason why your father doesn't want treatment? If he doesn't have one, why don't you tell him what you wrote on here? That you care for him so much and don't want to lose him.
spend alot of time with him. and tell him you love him alot deep in his eyes. But dont be to sad. Well infront of him because it will hurt him more.