I think I'm a narcissist?
I genuinely think this, and I'm starting to worry. I'll look at myself in the mirror playing with different angles of my face, and stare at myself naked in the mirror. I used to have a really low image of myself but now that I've been getting a lot of affirmation of my attractiveness, I have an inflated ego. I'm even taking selfies for Instagram, and I used to be afraid of photos. There's this guy in my class who checks me out all the time, and this is really ****** up, but I love teasing him, and I think he knows it. I'll purposefully walk in front of him in the isles so he has a view of my body, and he stares at it every time. It makes me feel like I have control and power over him.
I'm seriously concerned that I've turned into a terrible person. What should I do to get rid of this? Should I see a therapist? I don't want to live shallowly and maliciously like this.
Update:@Em: I also didn't do this because I just want to mess with him. Even though I'm not that physically attracted to him, I'm attracted to his intellect and think he's a nice person. If he asked me to hang out I wouldn't say no. But I'm not sure if he's just staring at me to stare, or if he's really interested in getting to know me. I'm afraid to open up because I've gotten hurt too many times by trying with guys who didn't actually want to date me. But he can look all he wants, I won't stop him.
Comments
Having NPD (narcissistic personality disorder) is so much more than vanity and using your physical appearance for validation from others. NPD is self-absorption to such an extreme that it is detrimental to those who are closest to you as well as yourself. Generally speaking, people who have NPD lack any empathy or true concern for anyone besides themselves. They are empty inside, there is no genuine emotion. They can go through the motions and mimick how they are supposed to behave and appear in certain situations, but they don't actually feel anything. They get all of their good feelings from outside of themselves (admiration, relationships, adoration, accolades, attention, etc) it's also known as Narcissistic Supply. They see others as sources of supply for themselves, they do not see them as real people with real feelings deserving of respect.
If I were to make a guess, you are not NPD. You probably have retained feelings of hurt and insecurity from your past when you were rejected, so now you are trying to validate your self-worth by posting selfies and flaunting yourself in front of guys you know have a crush on you. What you are really yearning for is this feeling of being "wanted" and "desired" to make up for the years when you felt unwanted and rejected.
If I'm right about that (and I think that I am) then yes, you can seek counseling for this issue you are facing. Therapy should help as far as building your own sense of self-worth.
A true narcissist wouldn't even question whether they're doing anything wrong. They would assume that everything they do would be justified. It does sound like you value looks a little too much. Just as you once felt badly about yourself, your revelling in it now is just the flip side of that. Your values haven't changed, just your concept of your appearance.
It must be nice to feel like you have a bit of power after so long feeling like you didn't, but make sure that you only tease guys you actually have respect for and may genuinely want to be with (if things keep going well). If it's just a power trip, you're wasting your time and theirs.
You're not a terrible person, you're just not perfect (none of us are). You don't need a therapist, you just need to try to have a strong, decent personality to go along with your nice looks.
Nah. You're not. A true narcissist wouldn't care to ask a bunch of strangers about it online. Keep trying. Maybe you'll get there one day.
Lol thats seems alright till you dont go on spitting fire on ppl you dont consider attractive